Let’s see… Two weeks ago, I woke up depressed and full of self-loathing, thinking about how I can’t seem to get my life together, and how I’m pitifully paralyzed when I am attempting any task. Seriously. Something that should take me seconds to do would take minutes, and minutes would take hours.
Yes, I have been depressed. The wave that comes in and washes over me, stayed longer than usual.
And when I finally, woefully, pulled myself out of bed, and went into the kitchen to start my same day, the same as yesterday, and the same as this one would end, too, I was thinking about things that had been happening lately, people who had suddenly, and inexplicably, stepped into my life – from the most stellar personalities, to ones that were very, very suspect. It seemed as if life was suddenly throwing odd, and extreme situations at me. Why is this happening to me?
It was not what I was expecting.
But as I went to sit at my kitchen table to open my computer and check the weather and my emails as usual, I couldn’t help but appreciate how incredibly absurd my life was at the moment. How in shambles, how weird and surprising, and how in the last couple days I’d been thrown both gifts, and curve balls, and that I’d managed to field both of these in spite of my malaise was beyond me! And there I was, ready to attempt yet another day. And you know? I thought that maybe, just maybe –
I needed to have a sense of humor about all this.
At that moment I felt caught up in Lila (pronounced Leela). Lila’s a Sanskrit word that is a kind of dancing, a playing with the divine. When Hindu people are asked what Lila means, they will often say that “God created the world in the spirit of Lila, like a child who builds sandcastles, and then, knocks it down and builds it again.”
Lila was whacking me around. And I had to laugh, right?
I thought – this might be my new MO – to appreciate the Lila in life, and just have a good chuckle when it’s messing with me.
So, at my kitchen table, I opened my computer, bright morning sun shining in, pouring light over my crazy life. I looked at a song I had downloaded on to my desktop – a saucy, playful song… I turned up the volume,
And I hit play.
As the music boomed out, I got up and danced in my kitchen in my bare feet, robe flipping about. I couldn’t help but break out into a grin; it felt wonderfully ironic, and…so good. And my dogs sat, looking curiously at me (it was a little early to break out into full-on dance after all). They were probably hoping that this wouldn’t delay their morning breakfast for too long.
And when the song finished,
I hit play again.