FALLING IN LOVE

NM Field

CupidThat sick feeling, the butterfly stomach, the rubbery legs, the diminished mental capacity. What’s my middle name? Uh…? And yes, a feeling of being paralyzed, like some kind of speared fish, floating helplessly after a powerful sedative (wait, could this be what Cupid’s arrow is like?).

Cupid Flyer

Does this woman look like she’s in control of her life?

They say that falling in love is wonderful…

A girlfriend recently told me over breakfast that she just told the man she loved that she couldn’t do it anymore and needed to break it off with him. “Oka-ay,” he crinkled his brow, “you love me, but you’re afraid of getting hurt, so you’re breaking up with me now before it happens??”

GravityAll those paralyzing sensations – it’s called FEAR. Cause when you fall in love – you realize how just how far you’ll fall if things go terrible wrong. And it’s a terrifyingly long way. Suddenly, you’re Wile E. Coyote in the old Road Runner cartoons, the one who runs off the edge of a cliff into thin air, and everything is fine – that is, until he looks down, at which point, he plummets to the earth, and hits in an annihilating plump of dust.

plunkYes, your mind tells you that you can’t stay up there forever in this complete and total bliss. It has to change. The laws of gravity demand it, right?

The first time my now-fiancé, Albert, and I parted (as we lived on two separate coasts) after a wonderful, but intense (for me) time, I spent the next two mornings sobbing inconsolably for hours in private. My behavior was so crazy. But it had only been a few years since my husband had died, it was later that I realized that the separation had triggered all my fears, my emotions, the pain of, once again, having someone taken away from me.

So, why would I embark on falling in love again after having been brought to my knees, pummeled into gritty bits and left for dead already by love? Where in holy hell do I find that courage? To even date, let only fall in love?

I mean, people think I’m brave because I work with horses, fly an airplane, and other things. Phooey! Bravery is daring to fall in love. It’s far more dangerous.

And yet, here I find myself again, loving, caring. It’s scary to walk on air. It takes . . . trust.

But…why can’t I just stay up there, out in the ether forever? Build little bridges; hang emergency ropes to hold on to when I find myself fearful and looking down? Alas, there’s no safety once you’ve surrendered to love. Love is disarming. And even it there was a rope to save you, you could not reach out and grab it.

waterfall 2It’s not like we can control love.

I’m not even in control of my own life. I truly saw that with my husband’s illness – his, and my life on this planet, was/is something that happens outside our rule. Love, too, is outside my rule (Although I can try to shove it away with force, and close the door).

A widow friend said to me as I sobbed that day, “Just know, if you could survive losing Patrick, you can survive anything.”

Hmm… An unusual a pep talk. I think she was trying to bolter me up by the thought that I couldn’t go through worse. But could I survive even 80% of what I went through now? 50%?  Hmm..

But I have to say, as devastating as the loss of my husband has been, would I go back and start all over again with him, even knowing the tragedy that lay ahead?

Girl walks on air copyYes. I would. A thousand times over.

So, instead of walking away, or trying to find a way to be safe in a situation that threatens to annihilate me if, and when, I fall, why don’t I just continue to be brave, really brave, stay out there in this rarified air, and embrace happiness, even for the fleeting time that I have it. Embrace ALL of it, without holding back, without looking for a quick-exit rope.

I will survive.    Somehow.    I think.    I’m pretty sure.

And if I’m lucky, later on, I will get to rejoice in how powerful love is, and it will lift me up, once again.

No (silly me), not later. Now. Now, while I have my love in my arms.

Meg Ryan 2

Meg Ryan rides her bike ride in “City of Angels”

Comments

  1. Natália Janke says

    Very very beautiful, I love you Lis. I miss Patrick <3
    I am fifteen years old and i am from Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil.
    Have a work of school about Batrick, is staying wonderful.
    Please, talk me, say hello. Kisses :')

      • Agnieszka says

        Lisa,
        This is a very long way you had to pass.. way where I was with you with my thoughts , sadness, tears and hope. My sadness of your husband sicness and death took two years of my life… We never met and never will I think, hwo knows… but I wish you love and joy I wish you time of your life… you made of power, passion, love and energy .. probably of much more and you know that better than anyone, I remember you have said once I’m Texas Lady … but Lady with style, warmmness and light..but like a rock for me.. I don’t even imagine what you went through but it is In you and made you strong wiser and ready!
        Shine Lisa and give your love and light and happiness to ones they need to one you choose and he chooses you. This ride will be different with a different smell and flavor… You and Patrick in dance will forever stay in my heart.. but you are smiling and happy making me hope that life is so unpredictable …. Blossom Lisa! Agnieszka

  2. Natália Janke says

    My dream is you know, embrace , and talker about our lifes, oh my god. I staying very happy and thrilled if that happened.Hugs and Kisses, Nat

  3. Aurélie says

    Bien sur que c’est douloureux de prendre ce risque de tomber en amour, de prendre ce risque de s’abandonner entièrement et dévouer sa vie a quelqu’un. Mais ca serait tellement plus douloureux de ne pas se l’autoriser par peur de soufrir de se l’interdire, de ne pas vivre… Les choses sont éphémères, peu etre, mais nous nous devons d’en profiter

  4. KathyA says

    Amazing blog post, Lisa. I have to admit, I haven’t endured the things you have in your life but somehow, I understand what you say and feel. Good luck in everything you do! I’m so happy that you have found love and I can only imagine how scary it must be. You’ll be just fine! Live. Love. Laugh. <3

  5. Julie Clements England says

    Hi Lisa So pleased that you are going forward with your life, you deserve to be loved again you are a caring loving lady you enjoy this new start.
    You will still keep your happy memories of Patrick and you will never ever forget him but now it’s time for you to step forwards and enjoy your life again lots of love Julie God bless xoxoxx

  6. Brenda Hartman says

    OMG!! She’s back!! U never cease to amaze in the ability to tell stories! You ever completely stop doing this and all of us “regulars” are going to fall into that deep depression your speaking of…
    Best ENTERTAINMENT ever.

    Love,
    BH from Texas
    P.S. you know you guys could compromise and live in Texas…not so bad.

  7. Charlene says

    Written as a perfect description to falling in love again after the lose of a husband. I finally took the plunge 17 years after losing my husband to brain cancer. I fell in love with Donny Swayze! The kindest soul I have ever met!

  8. says

    It’s never the same, never as easy, because you’ve “seen the elephant”, as a widower friend (and Vietnam vet) once told me.

    It’s wonderful, it’s bittersweet, it’s scary, it’s intense. My (also formerly widowed) now husband and I still don’t touch each other’s water glasses if the other one goes out of town. Who would dump out that last water? Not us. Not even 14 years after we were widowed. Some think we are paranoid, I know, but there you have it. We can’t go back and that’s ok. We understand each other and that is what matters.

    Those triggers, of being left alone, get better but in my experience but they never leave. Even to this day I try to know the ‘how’ of everything in the household, because I don’t want to be left not knowing how to set the thermostat timer etc, to know how to do everything that I might have complacently left to the other person before.

    I’m so happy for you, Lisa, and for all of us who have been fortunate enough to find love again, and daring enough to run with it. Every day. xo

    • Lisa says

      It’s some kind of journey, isn’t it? And yes, something can hit me, and it’s like I lost him just yesterday. Luckily, this does not happen on a daily basis anymore!

  9. Angie Miller says

    Lisa, this is so beautiful. I am so happy for you, to take the chance and love again…to live. To be the beautiful human that you are. You are so inspiring with all your writing. Thank you for sharing so much with us, those who were and always will be fans of Patrick, who have come to love you as much. Blessings on your new adventure!

  10. Ann says

    Dear Lisa,
    Just loved reading this post.
    I have followed your blog through your journey of grief and now happiness. Your outlook on life gives me the power to push through difficult times and carry on. Many days when I felt “How do you continue on???” your sharing of your experiences would help me find the answer.
    We both lost persons close to us in 2009 and I now find it much easier to look back and understand that life is a journey, with its good and bad times. Like you, I have gone through some stormy days and now can enjoy the warmth and sunshine.
    Hold on to your love and enjoy what life has for you now.
    You deserve all the loving times ahead for you.
    I wish you lots of happiness.
    Ann

  11. Joy Stone says

    You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story; the peaks and the valleys. Thank you for sharing your human-ness with all of us. You have touched many people, I know-and I am one of them. Thank you for being YOU. So happy you are taking the leap. xoxox Joy

  12. Debbie Z says

    This is what it’s all about, Lisa. This is what it all comes down to. I truly believe that love guides all things. It is a gift given to us by a higher power, and that’s what life is all about. Love- what we choose to do with it, how we use it, how we share it, who we meet because of it. To turn it away or run in fear would be missing all of the joys and sorrows of life. It’s all about love. So take it and run with it (as you already have!). Thank you for sharing YOUR love with us all! Xoxo

  13. Catherine says

    There’s one thing we can all be sure of Lisa, we will all experience good and bad times in our lives. You have had more than your fair share of the bad, so now that something good is happening for you, if it feels good embrace it!! …… so happy you are blogging again.

    Take care
    Catherine xxx

  14. christina hensel says

    Thank you for writing this. It has and will touch many as well as make many think. Such as myself. I always say if anything happened to my husband I would never marry again. I would never go through all that I did again, Good, bad and ugly. But this makes me think, maybe it would and is worth the risk. Again, thanks and God bless you.

  15. Samantha says

    Hi Lisa, I have so much respect for , I lost two children in my twentys that only live a few days, I was told I would never have any children, but I now have a three year old and nine month old, two boys, I was so scared to try for a baby and it took me over 15 years, life has a funny way of changing, I wish u every happiness, u have so much grace, and are loved by so many X

  16. Christina says

    The good thing about love is that it´s not like a cake. You can cut a cake into pieces, but you can have the equal amount of love for more than one person. So you don´t derate your love to one person by starting to love someone new…….every forming of love is great, is different, is unique. Take it, enjoy it, live it up to the fullest!

    • Lisa says

      That’s what’s amazing. There’s never been any conflict/competetion with love in my new relationship. I mentioned this to a girlfriend of mine, and she nodded, and said (very wisely), “That’s because love comes from the same well.”

      • Patricia says

        Does this mean there was conflict/competition in yours & Patrick’s love for one another. I am not quite understanding your reply. Couples very often do not see ‘eye to eye’ on things, but that is just part of marriage. It would be very boring being married to someone where there was no difference of opinion at times.

        • Lisa says

          I’m not sure what you’re talking about. But I agree that relationships are not expected to be perfect, and blissful all the time!

          • Geraldine says

            My understanding of Lisa’s comment is, that there is no conflict/competition between her first love and the love she has now. Albert obviously doesn’t feel (and Lisa hasn’t made him feel) that he has to compete with Patrick. He is a different person from Patrick and this is a different relationship. She loved Patrick for who he was, she loves Albert for who he is. No competition!

            When I first read Lisa’s book, never in a million years did I dream that I would be in the same position. So many similarities, different cancer. I met my husband when I was 14, he was 17, married when I was 17 and he was 20. We will have been married for forty years this December. I cannot conceive a future without him. To me, an unselfish love means striving for a loved one’s happiness. Selfish love is denying that person’s happiness. My husband wants me to carry on with my life after he’s gone, he wants me to be happy again. He says if that’s in another relationship then, so be it, he just doesn’t want me to forget him. Now that IS love. If the boot was on the other foot, I would want the same for him. I love my man so totally that the thought of another relationship doesn’t even come in to it. But I don’t know what the future will bring. Lisa, you are a lucky lady to have found love again and I wish you both a long and happy life together. Love and hugs to you x

          • Lisa says

            What similarities! If Patrick were still alive, we’d be married 39 years on June 12th.
            Wishing you many, many more years of happiness and love with your husband. XL

  17. Lilly says

    A new post from Lisa arrives like first light!
    Promising and emboldening.
    Three cheers for the soul for whom you have fallen.
    And praise for the courage it has taken to fall.

    As always, you inspire me.

    Lilly

  18. Janelle says

    HI lisa,

    so happy for you. you deserve it. I have missed your blogs. Good luck in your new journey through life. Patrick would want you to be happy. Are you still keeping your new mexico home?

  19. Gary says

    Hi Lisa. So happy to see a new post from you. I’m so happy you are happy. You have been my sole inspiration since my husband died of pancreatic cancer 3 months ago. Your books and blogs have Benn getting me through the darkness of my grief and I am inspired to see you have survived. I’m still in the darkness but you give me hope there will be light for me to see someday. God bless you. Gary

    • Lisa says

      Hang in there, Gary. I know what you’re going through. Just try to be gentle with yourself, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, painful as it is. It won’t ALWAYS feel this way. XX

  20. Melissa says

    Beautifully written.

    Everyone deserves happiness in their life. And you are no exception. What you shared with Patrick was obviously very special. But you can also have something equally as special with Albert, as well. I wish you all the best for your future, Lisa.

    One step at a time. One day at a time.

    Enjoy the ride!!

  21. Maite says

    Hi Lisa,

    It has been a while since last blog, it was time to have you with us again. . I’ve missed you, your words, your pics and everything about you but i know that it was worth waiting for you.

    You have a new life, a new illusion, a new love, someone to hold on to hard.
    At last!!, i’m so happy for you Lisa. You’ve been so bad that now you have to have a good time, you deserve it.

    Enjoy, love and keep enjoying your love into your arms. That’s what we all want and when i say all, you know what i mean

    All the best for you as always.Lisa. XXL

    Maite Sánchez

  22. Sandra v. S says

    So uplifting and full of life, yeah!

    And may I say, what a Beautiful Couple the two of you make!!!!

    Unfortunately, I cannot watch ‘The View’ here in The Netherlands (I so very much wanted to see/hear that) but I saw a picture of you and your fiancé Albert on the internet. He is a very handsome man!! And the way he looks at you on the picture, says it all….
    Love is definitely in the air!

    Wishing you and your fiancé all the best of luck and please….don’t wait so long before you write the next blog… :)

    X Sandra

  23. Ginny says

    Lisa… so inspiring….thank you. I lost my husband 3 years ago. He was only 60 years old and we were married 40 years. I haven’t been able to move on…..until now. I just took my rings off my finger (wearing them close to my heart now). I know my Brian is looking down nudging me to move on with my life and be happy. It is so difficult…….thanks for your encouragement when one has been dealt such a U-turn in life.

    • Lisa says

      It feels like you’re having to start your life from the ground up all over again, huh? I know you know – though you move forward, you can never forget. How could you forget a 40 year relationship! Impossible! I know I still feel close to Patrick, even more so as time goes on.

  24. Tuija Muukka says

    Hi, Lisa ! I will wish to you Happy Easter from Finland, South Karelia. Here is early spring this year. No snow anywhere. I hope for you all the best for you life. I’m sorry that my english is not very good and I want to say much more, but I hope that you understand what I say. Hug for you.

  25. Annie says

    It must have been a rollercoaster of feelings for you. Not only losing the lovely Patrick but daring to go through those same feelings you had in the beginning. As much as it was so hard losing the love of your life, (and please don’t take this wrong), he has gone and you are still here, you have to live and, yes, love. I’m sure Patrick will approve and as long as you are happy he will be happy for you. Nobody can deny such a beautiful thing as love to anyone and it must have felt like that first step out of a plane when sky diving. I’m glad you fell again and the feelings you had at the start have gone. Be happy and enjoy your years together Lisa. You have been rewarded for your commitment and strength to Patrick. Best wishes and health to you and Albert xxx

  26. Tracy says

    Thank you for giving me Hope … My husband Jim Poulos died of Esophageal Cancer I week after Patrick on 9.25.09 I am 52

  27. Serena says

    Oh Lisa I have to say that : thinking of you with Albert hug him instead of Patrick well It is very strange for me which I’m one of lisa&patrick couple fan since a lot of times , and I used to watch your pictures together , I also bought your 2 books with your old pics, and now watching you and Albert, gives me chills but just because I’m not used to that! For me Patrick and you were the real love you were soulmates and the example for everybody . I just bought home with my boyfriend I know him since I was 14 years old just like you with Buddy and I imagine my life with him full of love like you and Buddy had! Do not misunderstanding me please, I’m happy for you because you found love again . But I think that each love is different with each person … Am I wrong? I red your last post when you talked about never forget Patrick cause he is inside you , well I really think that you ll never forget your endless love. You have been married with him for decade and you can’t forget him! Even if this Albert will love you more and more! Patrick was unique he really loves you and I believe that in heaven he already gave you his permissions and you achieved it like a signal!
    Lots of love
    I will read your books again and again beacause your love between Patrick is my inspiration !
    With love

    Serena

  28. says

    Hi Lisa,

    So happy to read such a lovely and inspiring blog post from you. I struggle with falling in love with a wonderful man right now, in a sense that I find it hard to fall in love and not sure if that’s because I am blocking my feelings out of self protection (have been hurt in love more than once), or that it’s just not there? Difficult but interesting times:-)

    Hope you keep us posted on your experiences with your new fiancée. Love your stories!

    With love,
    Linda

    • Lisa says

      Hah! I think the moment you feel the level of trust you need in him, your true feelings will reveal themselves. I actually was resistant to falling in love with Patrick when we were first together (hard to believe that anyone can resist Patrick, I know!). The moment I did began to trust him, I found that I was head over heels in love with him. The floodgates opened!

      • Theresa says

        You expressed your feelings so beautifully again. What you and Patrick shared was so special and always will be. As you stated, life throws us curves and we are not in control. I’m so happy for you. It is great you are happy and not lonely. Congrats on finding love again Lisa! Congrats to you and Albert — best wishes!

  29. says

    Hola Lisa! soy Maria desde Salamanca (España) ¿como podría conseguir los libros que ustedes han publicado? Soy fan de toda la vida de Patrick y ahora de usted.
    Un beso enorme desde España.

  30. Vera Rute S. Siva says

    LISA, VOCÊ VIVE, DEVE VIVER, DEUS E TODAS AS FORÇAS DO UNIVERSO VÃO TE AJUDAR SEMPRE. CONFIE. AQUI SUA IRMÃ BRASILEIRA. OBRIGADA PELO EXEMPLO E POR CUIDAR SEMPRE DE PATRICK O QUAL AMAMOS TANTO! BEIJOS NO CORAÇÃO..

    LISA, YOU LIVE, YOU MUST LIVE, GOD AND ALL THE FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE WILL HELP YOU ALWAYS. TRUST. HERE YOUR SISTER BRAZIL. THANK YOU FOR CARING FOR EXAMPLE AND ALWAYS LOVED WHAT THE PATRICK SO MUCH! KISSES IN THE HEART …

  31. Noelle says

    Lisa,

    I just wanted to thank you for writing ‘worth fighting for’ it has helped myself, my sisters and my mother in more ways than you know. On march 1st 2014 my father was diagnosed with stage 5 pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver. He was put on the folfirinox and told we had at least a year with him. My parents would have been married 30 years this coming September. They shared us 3 girls and we helped my mother take care of him. Little did we know how much time we would have left. I did research 24/7 trying to find ways to save his life, change his diet, find doctors willing to operate. 5 short weeks went by and he was admitted into the ICU for what we thought was a short hiccup- high potassium from the paracentesis and he would be back home. Sadly his kidneys began to fail and my mother had to make the decision of a DNR. He died with his 3 girls, his wife and his brother by his side. since then I have joined PANCAN and became an advocate to push increased funding and will be advocating in Washington DC in June to get PC the funding it deserves so nobody has to go through what so many of us sadly did. I don’t feel like I will ever get over this loss. I was his little girl and seeing the life in my mothers eyes dissapear kills me even more. The similarities in your book to my fathers story were uncanny. Even down to my uncle helping my mom take turns taking care of him. Your book gave her hope. We just started this battle of grief and I don’t know how long until we can laugh again but if you ever find yourself in Long Island NY I think it would help my mother to meet a woman who has overcome the same situation and make her feel whole again.

    Thank you. More than you know.

    • Lisa says

      Thank you for sharing your journey, Noelle. And yes, we’re going to beat this thing so others don’t have to go through this terrible illness. I look forward to the day!

  32. Desiree says

    I can only pray that my Mom finds love again after losing my Dad almost 4 years ago. I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life alone and I know my Dad wouldn’t want that either. I am so happy for you that you have found love again.

    Mom tried the online dating thing but she was just really afraid to put herself out there. I have suggested her joining groups that she may be interested in, but I’m not sure deep down that she’s really ready. So, I’ll continue to be by her side and support her in whatever she decides to do.

    Thank again for your words of encouragement. It’s nice to see that love is still alive out there.

  33. Gary says

    Just when I think I have stepped out of the darkness of grief I get pulled back into the abyss. Grief is not for wimps.

  34. Kimberley says

    Hi Lisa
    I just want to reiterate what others are saying because I find your outlook on life, your positive energy and optimistim so inspiring and admirable. I loved your book and even though Patrick was ‘the star’ you were the bright shining light guiding him. Everything that you went through to ensure his comfort is just mind blowing. You still had a sense of humour! You kept it real, you didn’t sugarcoat. Your raw honesty I just found so refreshing. And despite the topic, you managed to be thoroughly entertaining! I studied journalism at university and the unethical nature of it I found extremely disconcerting. When I read in your book all the press I thought ‘thank god I wasn’t an employee of that paper’ I would have been fired straight away because I just could not put an innocent man through what those bastards did (regardless of the man’s status). I wish you all the luck in the world. You have had such a rough time of it you deserve the happiest most fulfilling future. And by the way, stop with all your endless talents please! You are putting the rest of us to shame :D

  35. Tat says

    I’m freshly sifted in grief- 7 months since I lost my husband Thomas. It’s been the hardest journey I’ve ever been forced to travel. I’m just to the point where I’m having “good days” now. I’ve read a lot of your journals and thus I wanted to tell you that you’re inspirational be it in sorrow or laughter. Thank you for sharing your shattered heart to your resurrected hope with us. I pray many blessings for you and your wonderful fiance as you embark upon new love.

    -Tat

  36. bev says

    I read of your life with your soul mate and feel glad that you were able to have that kind of love that lasted for 35 years………. to know that you can find another to spend the rest of your life with is inspirational to say the least. I know that I will see some of the pics of your wedding hopefully since i work at Mar-A-Lago, got to see you last week in the living room for a glance getting preped for the event…….. I hope it was all that you planned on. Much blessings and may you have much more happiness in your world.

  37. Judy R. says

    Congratulations on your re-marriage, Lisa.

    What a wonderful inspiration you are—and a great spirit. It takes an open heart and the allowance of vulnerability to love—and be loved—again. Toughest thing in the world to do, as you said in your post.

    Many blessings and years of happiness to you both!

    Judy

  38. Kate says

    Lisa,

    My husband was just diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer after our sixth child was born a few months ago. It seems like an eternity ago. Thank you for blogging. I don’t know how I can stay strong some days for the children, for him, for my career, finances, etc.

    I found your blog. Knowing that you not only survived through this, but you thrived makes me have hope and faith in the future.

    Please keep your blog going.

    Kate

    Http:// http://www.facebook.com/friendsofmarkloveland

  39. Kat Sullivan says

    This is the best piece I have read about finding love again after a major, life-altering loss. It’s hard to describe it to someone who hasn’t experienced it. It’s like telling your children that they will understand once they have kids. The best thing about this love you describe here (and that I also am lucky enough to feel) is that, at least in my life, my “new” love accepts that without the one that I lost, I would not be the “me” that I am. There isn’t an elephant in the room because his picture is still in its frame on the wall with the rest of my family. To find a man like Scott has been the best thing to happen to me. He saved me from myself by making me feel the joy of love again. Best wishes and congratulations, Ms. Niemi. I know Patrick is happy because you continue to live after his loss as I expect he wanted.

  40. Kathryn Patton says

    My soul mate died within a month of yours from the same cause; I’m also your age. Funny that I stumbled upon this blog tonight, I’ve been having a discussion with myself today about fear of happiness. Once I realized that no matter how hard I pushed myself physically after Emmitt’s death I wasn’t going to die, which took about two years by the way; I then said a prayer. It’s one I’ve prayed off and on since then; that God send me someone whom I could love for themselves, be compatible with, and see a few times a month. Not anyone to replace or compete with what I had experienced as that would be impossible, but a new type love. One that would allow me to have my life and share another’s at times. Now it seems that He has done just that and it scares me to no end. I’m so glad to have read your words tonight, I suspect my backbone was in need of stiffening and that’s what has been accomplished.

    Peace,
    Kat

  41. Elliott Martin says

    Sweet Lady, Endless best wishes to you and yours. Being from Houston, and from the same part of town as Patrick, gave his huge body of work and his talent a more personal slant. He was our Patrick. And it seems to me that I never saw him interviewed when he didn’t mention you and the joy you added to his life. I think you finding true love again would please Patrick so much. And what a complement to him that you would even allow yourself to find another love with which to share your life. It speaks volumes about him that loving another is better than living alone. Your new love will never replace the love you had with Patrick. But I pray that you will find the same level of joy and companionship to fill your heart all the days of your life. Now for a silly question if I may. Do you ever think about the movie and say to your self, “Lisa, you in danger girl”. I wish you love and I wish you joy.

    Sincerely, Elliott

  42. Laura says

    Congratulations Mrs. DePrisco! Love Oscar De La Renta- he’s dressed Laura Bush and Miss Texas- def a great choice – I’m sure you looked radiant! It was so humid today- glad you had it at such a beautiful place right down the road:) May your lives together be full of love, laughter and happiness. Keep writing as you are always an inspiration- hoping your eyelashes stayed on;) such a funny story!

  43. Fran Burke says

    I wanted to say how happy I am that you found love again. I am sure Patrick is also.
    There aren’t many people who get to have that special relationship once, let alone twice. Altho there may be people questioning, I know that you love Patrick no less than you did when you married him…that the love the two of you shared will always be. This is a new love to grow and share with, not one to take the place of an old familiar one. Now you won’t be alone, and neither will Albert. May you have many many years together.
    All the Best-
    f burke

  44. Tim Etheridge says

    Hi Lisa,

    Congrats on your finding love again and marriage. Lost my wife 5 years ago after 42 years of marriage, knew her for 55 years. I struggled with the loss for 2 years, then my doctor introduced me to a patient. It wasn’t love at first sight, took awhile to get used to a New York Jewish
    Princess. :) I left her 3 times and kept returning…finally realized I loved her and we plan to be together as long as our respective bodies hold out. :) I’m 75, she’s 74.

    Tim

  45. Coco C says

    CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding! I am so happy for you and wish you all the best in the future. What you had with Patrick was inspirational, and you are so lucky to have found it again with Albert. Big, crushing hugs to you and your family;)

  46. Katie Osborn says

    Lisa, I just read this post and it brought me to tears, but gave me hope too. My husband is dying now – liver cancer – and my heart breaks every day to see him waste away, and to see his once fine mind turn to mush, interspersed with shining moments of lucidity. We haven’t had the many years you and Patrick were blessed with – he proposed on Christmas Day after we had been together only since 2007. On January 15, he was diagnosed with a huge tumor, and we married on January 30th. We had planned and hoped for many more years together on our little place in the country, but it doesn’t appear that we’ll have that time together. So reading what you’ve written has given me hope that life will go on, my heart will heal, and the tears won’t continue for the rest of my life. Thanks for sharing.

  47. says

    Lisa, I just lost the love of my life this April 3, 2014. Age 55. He passed away in a scuba diving accident while we were on vacation. ( possible lack of air) Tragic and sudden, My true Soul mate, who loved me unconditionally and made me feel special everyday of my life. He made me laugh all the time. I feel like I have lost my all my Joy. This husband that taught me to live in the present. Now I am living in the past. I can’t imagine my life with out him in it, My neighbor said you can have more then 1 soul mate, Hard to imagine. I feel so alone and the house is unbearably silent. He was exceptionally giving man,. He donated his kidney to his brother and gave over 70 Gallons of blood in his life time. The blood banks sympathy card said he saved over 200 lives. Thank you for sharing your journey. So happy for you! What is your best piece of ADVICE to me in this new loss of my true love? Neva

    • Lisa says

      You know. I read what you wrote about your husband, and all I could think is how wise and open you are as a person to recognize and accept the love he gave you. Not everyone can do that. You have an affinity for life! For now though, I know how hard it can be. And it can take everything you have (and don’t have) to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. There’s no easy way through this. But believe me, as the excruciating pain passes, and you life begins to become more manageable, you will find yourself laughing and smiling again when you think of him and the things he has said and done, instead of crying. And you will find that you STILL have a relationship with him, and he will continue to teach you, and love you. It’ll just be from a different place now. But for now – yes, it’s gonna suck. Hang on for as long as it takes. L

  48. Diane Bell says

    I just wanted to say that I am very happy for you and Albert, Lisa. I read the book that you and Patrick did together…and I read the book you wrote about his death and your struggle to carry on. I am an old woman, I have two great grand kids and two more on the way. I have been married 3 times in my life…and seriously, none of them were very happy marriages..oh they were good at first, but it didn’t take long until they were not so good. I am widowed, my husband died ten years ago. We had been married for 22 years. Sometimes I feel like it was all a dream…that our marriage was not real at all..but I know it was. Am I open to doing it again? Falling in love? No. I have turned away 6 different suitors since my husband died. I am now old and I prefer not to have a relationship. But I am not so old that I have forgotten what it feels like to fall in love. I am so very happy for you because life DOES go on and we MUST move forward….we cannot live on memories forever. I wish you and Albert all the good things in life!

  49. Robert says

    Thank’s for your words Lisa. I lost Jinny, the love of my life to ovarian cancer 5 months ago, she was only 49. So painful and overwhelming. Surely I will trust and love again but not anytime soon.
    I agree with what you wrote, I would do it 1000 times over.
    Thank you for being strong and sharing.
    Patrick seemed like a wonderful man I am glad to see you experienced life together and sorry you lost him so young.

  50. Rose Blaylock says

    As someone who is remarrying soon following my husband’s suicide….I get you!! Good luck to all of us.

  51. adena valencia says

    Lisa, You are sooo inspiring to so many people who followed your journey with your amazing husband, Patrick .He was Iconic and also an inspiration. I admire your courage to love again. Many Blessings on your new journey, Your beautiful heart deserves to feel love again. Adena

  52. Holly Tuell says

    I read this, and tears came to my eyes, Lisa!!! You have stated it so well….the agony and pain of loss, the thrill of finding love again, and the paralyzing fear of losing all over again. My mother talked about that….her first husband (my father) didn’t pass away, they were divorced. But she said the loss felt the same as death….all the dreams and passion gone. She swore she would never again marry….BUT, she met my Dad when he asked her to pass the salt, in a restaurant, and the rest is history. A year later, they married, and they were together for 43 years! She said she was so glad she “closed her eyes and jumped” into the arms of the man she loved with all her heart. She never thought she’d feel that way ever again…And when she passed away in 1998, my Dad said he felt as though his right arm and half of his heart went with her. At first, he experienced anger at her for leaving him (though he knew it was the last thing she would have wanted), but later it changed to smiling, when he thought of her, and saying that asking her for the salt was the smartest move of his life…so sweet to hear him say that, knowing he loved my Mom as much as I did, and more!!! He moved on to another relationship, but circumstances beyond their control stepped in, and another marriage was not to be, but for the time they were together, he was so happy…they asked me if it was okay to be together…I said “YES!!!”…Mom would not have wanted him to be alone either!!! My Dad passed away from leukemia in 2010, and I know they are together again….a love like that never dies!!!!

  53. says

    Lisa, Just wanted to say congratulations on your marriage and may God bless you and keep you and your husband for the rest of your lives! Much happiness to you! Also, Happy Birthday today!

  54. Claire DeCapua says

    Dear Lisa,
    I’m very happy for your new found love. After reading Patrick’s book, I feel I know you and can be happy for you in the same way I would be for a dear close girlfriend. You have been through alot, worked very hard and learned some valuable hard lessons. I’m impressed that you would be so generous to share these with women who are going through many of the same emotions. I will ask my sister and her daughter to read this. Thanks for your generosity!
    Claire

  55. says

    Allowing yourself to fall in love, is loving yourself.
    You must remember that all of the people who have loved you, all of the people who do love you, want you to be happy. They want you to have all those feelings that love can bring. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Finding love once is remarkable, finding it twice is amazing. So, enjoy each moment.

  56. Deb S says

    You went beyond love with Patrick. You had the courage to turn loose and let him fly both when he was with us and after he left us. That tells me you two, had a great relationship and you were also friends. Not every husband and wife can say that. Good luck to you and your new husband. Patrick expects you to be all you can be and be happy while you do it !!!

  57. Baerbel & Michael says

    Dear Lisa,

    Happy Birthday and our heartfelt congratulations on your marriage! From the bottom of our hearts all the best to you and Albert!

    Love,
    Baerbel & Mike

  58. Martha says

    Congratulations to you and your husband..I loved Patrick…one of my very favorite actors and I loved how he loved you…. I know he would want you to be happy..Many prayers and blessings to you both.

  59. Equestrian09 says

    You deserve all the beauty life has to offer. Patrick would want you to be happy, loved and at peace. ENJOY RISK DREAM LOVE LIVE :}

  60. maddy says

    Lisa, thank you, thank you. You are an inspiration and I truly feel what you feel. After losing my best friend and lover who I knew since I was 4 to Bile duct cancer, it felt like the bottom fell out from under me. It was faith, friendship and my desire to not let what Frank has helped to grow within me die with the change. It has been 8 years and my life has changed in many ways since that day he kissed me and took his last two breaths. One day I hope to walk this life again with someone who will give me butterflies in my stomach and to know to tears that it was worth the risks of loving and being loved. Peace and blessings to you and congratulations!

    • Lisa says

      Someone wrote in, saying that when you’ve had a long-term, successful relationship, it’s only makes sense that you would want it again. We know it can be good!

  61. Chris says

    Lisa:

    What a beautiful blog post! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Falling in love truly is overwhelming, complete with conflicting emotions, feelings of pleasure as well as doubt. But in the end–love always wins!

    I think the key quote in your post is your admission that you’re willing to “embrace” all of it. That takes so much strength and courage and I greatly admire your ability to do that.

    I’m sure as a widow this was all greatly overwhelming. Your blog reminds me of an interview Paul McCartney conducted a few years after losing Linda to breast cancer. He told the reporter that for the longest time he couldn’t even speak Linda’s name without tearing up. Worst yet, if another woman showed even the slightest interest him, he’d get scared and retreat:

    “I said, ‘Wait a minute, you’re looking at other women.’ Immediately it was like, ‘Uh-oh. You can’t do that.’ The married guilt. I beat myself up a bit about that. But I referred it all to Linda, and I started to get the message that it was OK, that she wouldn’t mind.”

    Of course, Linda would have wanted Paul to find love again, much the same, I imagine, as Patrick would have wanted for you. It takes so much to be able to do that, and your blog is a shining example of love always winning out.

    As I write this, there is breaking news that in addition to finding love, you’ve also found wedded bliss. CONGRATULATIONS on your nuptials! May your days be every bit as blissful as the love you’ve showered on us with this blog.

    Best wishes,

    Chris

  62. Sarah says

    Lisa, you and Patrick have been such an inspiration to me for many years. What a wonderful role model you are. You and I are about the same age and I feel such a kinship with you. I, too, loved and lost my first husband, and went through unbearable pain…and have found true and lasting happiness with my second husband (he’s also from Houston). I also love ballet, but my dreams of being a ballerina were ended by a car accident many years ago. I grew up around horses in Kentucky and share your love of them. I say God bless you and congratulations on your marriage!! May you be blessed with many, many years of wedded bliss!

  63. Joyce White says

    Lisa,

    I am thrilled that you’ve allowed yourself to love again. It takes courage. Love is all that is important. God’s Blessing on you both.

  64. Leigh Ann Dufrene says

    Hi Lisa,

    We knew each other a hundred years ago. We were friends at the Houston Music Theatre and went to HSPVA together. I too, lost my husband. I am so glad you are starting a new chapter, different than the last, new lessons to learn.

    Leigh Ann (Dyer) Dufrene

  65. Bonnie says

    Hi Lisa………..this will be a strange one……I was just reading the “news” on the net and caught the blurb that you had gotten engaged. I, of course, had read in the past of your marriage to one of my favorite actors and of his tragic illness and death. When that happened, I sent you positive vibes and hoped you’d one day heal from your loss. Just something I would do for both friends and strangers alike. Well, today after seeing the blurb on your good news, I smiled and said to myself “Good for her”! The blurb led me here and now having just read your blog page, I feel compelled to leave this message. I’m glad you jumped into your fear of falling in love again and that it has led to your engagement. May the two of you be wrapped in love and happiness for many, many, many years. God Bless and Good luck!

  66. Toni Volchok says

    Lisa, You are a wise soul. So happy you have found love again. I’m sure Patrick is smiling down on you as well. I’m sure he wants nothing more than for you and all of his family members to be happy.
    T.V.

  67. Deborah Alexander says

    I lost my husband June 17, 2011 to pancreatic cancer. It has been almost 3 years now. I am doing good, but find it hard to meet anyone my age (58). I get out but it is just impossible to meet anyone descent. Do you have any suggestions? So happy for you in your new life.

  68. Heather says

    Love is the meaning of life. We are here to make connections, to enhance each other’s lives. An absence of love in our life is the thing to fear. Embrace it, let it happen. Tis better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all, right?

    I do think it is courageous to continue on once you’ve lost a great love. Your heart needs time to heal. But like anything, you cannot let the fear of repeating past harm keep you from living. Life is for the living.

    Your husband sounds like he was an amazing man. Someone who lived life to the fullest, loved deeply and celebrated his passions. Your happiness was clearly important to him.

    I lost a love of my life to cancer when I was just 10 years old. My grandmother was the most amazing person I’ve (still) ever met. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think of her and don’t miss her. I try to live the life I know she wanted for me every single day. My kids know of her now and we have pictures of her in the house. We talk about the kind of strong woman she was and how I strive to be like her. Although she has physically stopped living, she lives on.

    I wish you the best in your life and hope you embrace the journey you want for yourself. You’re right – you can’t control any of this. Life happens whether you participate or not. Let go and let God.

  69. Adena Valencia says

    Lisa, You are an inspiration to so many people, like so many others I followed your journey with your Iconic and also inspiring husband Patrick ,I prayed for him through his illness, And also mourned his loss. He always spoke of his love for you. I and so happy That you are able to love again. God bless you on your new journey and am so happy your beautiful heart and spirit is able to love again. God Bless you Adena

  70. Judi Bennett says

    It’s been bittersweet reading your thoughts, feelings and trying to imagine the unfathomable sense of loss. I’ve never seen a couple in love stare into each others eyes like you two as if you saw infinity there. And you did. He is still with you every day and that makes me so happy. The love you’re feeling now gives such hope to those of us who have closed our hearts off to any feelings of love at all. It’s much too painful to let any thought of love back in our consciousness. You’ve overcome so much and I have even more respect for you now. Since I met you both so many years ago I’ve always admired how fiercely strong yet regal you were. As beautiful as the face of an Egyptian mare yet as strong as Tammen’s bold stance. I’m so very happy for you Lisa and wish you all the best, floating without looking down! You give me hope as I let myself remember that intoxicating state that love is as you so perfectly articulate those giddy feelings. Sending much Love & Blessings~~

  71. Jo Kontos Evans says

    Dearest Lisa,
    At this time of writing you are once again a married woman… Many many congratulations to both you and your husband Albert!
    I have seen a couple of photographs online of your beautiful nuptials and you both look amazingly happy and in love and one thing is for sure Patrick is certain to approve of you finally finding happiness again… I loved Patrick and through him and this journey where you have shared your innermost thoughts, hopes, fears, happiness, sadness and tears with us all I love you too.
    Blessings on you both dear Lisa and don’t be a stranger!!
    Much love always,
    Joanna xxx

  72. Thela Fitzgerald says

    Thank you for the wonderful sharing. I cannot comprehend losing my spouse but I admire you for your strength and encouragement to everyone. What you went through was more than difficult and emotional so to see you moving forward is heartwarming. Sincerely happy for you and Albert and wish you a lifetime of happiness. You are a very lucky lady to have two wonderful men to love you. Congratulations !

  73. Sally says

    I read a suggestion on Lisa’s fb page, that Albert can join the blog now. I think that would be fun! Welcome Albert!!

  74. susan says

    Lisa,
    Thank you for a beautifully written, heart-felt message sharing how it feels to move on after the journey that you shared with Patrick. I lost my husband and best friend of almost 33 years to pancreatic cancer just two months ago and some days are just minute by minute. This is one of those hard weeks and I just happened on your blog by “accident”. (Ha!) Reading it (and the responses) has made me cry but at the same time reminds me that love is indeed a risk. If you don’t experience it, you don’t feel the pain of losing it. But at the same time, you don’t live the joys that come with it. Thank you for giving me hope this day that things will get better/livable with time. My head know that, but my heart has trouble living with the visible reminders all around me.
    Thank you and best wishes for many years of making new memories as you start the next leg of your life’s journey.

    • Lisa says

      My best to you, Susan. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. And yes, it will get better, more manageable in time. You just gotta hang in there.

  75. lauri says

    Beautiful as are you as a person. Praise to you for not building walls and teaching others to love and live again after tragedy. Best wishes for all the lve and happiness to come!

  76. Team SWAYZANGEL, says

    Hello Lisa,
    It is a pleasure to know you happy. This is a good time every time to read your blog. We wish you all that is best because you are great and you merited. We sent you a small present for your birthday but with a delay may unfortunately. We hope that you have received and that you liked. Maybe we have a small picture and a message of you one day! : D
    Our project “a flowery wreath on the Patrick Star” progressing well, we will keep you informed of the progress and send you a photo. We are happy to continue this fight with you and to help the search! Thank you for everything Lisa very soon.

    Team SWAYZANGEL.

  77. Nancy Douglas says

    Lisa,

    We miss you!! Just because you are no longer subject to daily suffering and pain, doesn’t mean that your words, feelings and insights have lost their power to touch our lives in such a meaningful way. Just the fact that you emerged triumphant from the depths of despair to such heights of joy and contentment is inspiration to those of us who continue to climb. Life is never perfect……….it is always changing…….. you worked relentlessly to overcome the pain and open your heart up once again………….and now you are reaping the rewards of your struggle to bask in the warmth of love once again. This brings me feelings of well being and renewed faith in an individual’s power to bring about positive changes in their lives. And I smile both outwardly and inwardly to think of you happy in your new life.

    Please continue to share the power of your thoughts, emotions and insights with us……I’ve learned many important life lessons from you…….I feel like I know you……….and I miss hearing from you.

    Nancy

  78. says

    Yes. “A thousand times over.” I’ve been widow for thirteen years – my late husband, Gary Wissner, was a production designer who died from Hodgkin’s when he was only 37. As painful as it was, I would take the ten years we had and face the pain of his loss “a thousand times over” as you said.

    I happened upon “One Last Dance” tonight, which I loved as I’m also a dancer, and ended up doing a search and finding your blog post. Congratulations on finding love again. My experience as Gary’s caregiver led me to become a cancer survivorship coach so he lives on every day through the work I do. I’m looking forward to reading your book and wish you much happiness. Perhaps, one day, I will be sharing a post (I blog on my site at http://www.wellbeyondordinary.com) about finding love again and stepping past those butterfly feelings because – yes – if we both survived losing the great loves of our life, we can survive anything!

  79. Lyn Nash says

    that is beautiful Lisa, and congratulations on your marriage. I hope that you will be truly happy. I have read both your books- the one you co wrote with Patrick and you, and later the one on the journey to recovery. You inspired me with your openess and honesty and I wish you all the happiness in the world. take care, hugs Lyn xxx

  80. DENISSE LÓPEZ says

    I really enjoy those butterflies in my stomach. After I got divorced, I thought that nobody could love me. I though I couldn´t behave as a 15 years old girl but I did… and I still do. When I don´t see him, I cry and I really feel stupid. But loosing my husband was devastating, I really hate that loosing sensation….

    Gosh!! everytime I read your blog I think you are my master!!

  81. says

    I was recommended this blog by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know
    such detailed about my trouble. You are amazing! Thanks!

  82. says

    Everybody, in a sense, is either investing or wasting, all the time,
    every day. Prayers are said in conjunction with its presence on one’s person. It helps us understand the world and our lives in it in ways that go beyond
    the physical.

  83. Julie Clements England says

    Hi Lisa
    All the best with your marriage, so pleased you have found room in your life for a new future of love and joy, you are so lucky to find a man so caring and loving it’s a wonderful thing to find love again I know as when I married again it felt so right and I just knew this was meant to be as you have also found it’s a new beginning and it’s a lovely feeling God Bless you both and enjoy your wonderful new life, you will always remember your Patrick but you will now have many new memories to make as you have a new future love Julie xxxox

  84. says

    Lisa I tweeted you but wanted to take the opportunity to say more. I just finished your book. Wow. I couldn’t put it down. So much of what’s in my head you wrote down. I didn’t have a 34 year relationship in fact, the opposite, ours had just started before we were thrown into the world of cancer. From start to finish your book kept hitting on things that I felt and he felt. I keep thinking that I should write my feelings and thoughts down but I can’t. It gets to overwhelming. Then I read your book, and you did it. You captured it all. From the diagnosis through till the end. All of it. I couldn’t believe it. Thank you for writing this book and sharing. It makes me know I’m normal and not alone in my emotions and how I feel. I’m so glad you found love again as well. Thank you, Robin
    (PS I laughed at the weight joke…I said something similar along the lines of “you better gain some weight because I’m not dating a man who weighs less than me”). If you don’t have laughter you have pain. We too, chose the laughter.

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