Last night my dream was definitely...
...hair-raising. (L-R: Gabriel, Lucas)
Last night, I had a strange dream. First of all, I, we (whoever that was, and Patrick was there also), was in a stadium that was like another planet. And we, I, was trying to avoid getting killed by the polar bears that were stalking my pets, and me. I remember at one point having to fight off one of these supernatural creatures before he ate my cat, Lupe. Not such a wise decision. He snapped his teeth into my arm, and suddenly I realized what had latched on to me was a pit bull. I was in a quandary – How do I get this thing off of me?
Anyway, as I was packing up the car to leave, there were three or four big, heavy-duty, transparent, plastic bags that were strapped to the back. And inside these bags was what looked like kitty litter. And the bags also were filled with water. It was important for me, for maintenance’s sake, to drain the water from these bags, which I started to do….
And okay, here’s the really weird part (as if it isn’t weird enough already)
These bags contained my husband, Patrick’s – regrets.
I was carrying his regrets around, and taking care of them. Like it was a routine thing…
***
When I woke up, I found myself thinking about a bad time we had our relationship. I was remembering the details, the craziness… He really tested me during that particular period, and was not very nice to me, and I know he regretted it deeply. But he couldn’t take it back. And he sure can’t take it back now.
Sharing a private moment at a crowded Oscars.
I have my own regrets. In my book, “Worth Fighting For,” I talk about how hard I was hit with them after I lost Patrick, writing,
“…I found myself blaming myself. Blaming myself for taking him to the hospital, taking him out of the hospital, being the one to “give up,” for not making him well… And if that wasn’t enough, I started to blame myself for everything I ever did wrong in our relationship. Every time I was unreasonable, angry, grumpy…”
Pitiful, huh? Regret is an unpleasant thing. It has a taste that’s bitter. It’s a nasty pill that’s large, and very difficult to swallow, and it burns on the way down, and once it’s in your stomach, it does not digest, it just lies there, like its own entity, its own world, because, you know what – regrets don’t do anything.
There can be so many regrets: something we should have, or shouldn’t have said, holding back, failure, not being true to ourselves, not pursuing our dreams…I even discovered you could have regret about something you should be celebrating! Successes can bring out the unhappiness in some of those around us. In one instance, I found that I was so focused on the unhappiness, that I chalked up the whole experience as bad, and tossed it in the regret pile. What a bad decision! But it’s never too late to learn an important lesson. And that’s what we should do with our regrets – forget the regret and learn from the mistakes.
Yes. We’re born, we die, and in between we make a lot of mistakes…
It’s never been in question that I loved my husband. But after he died, I stood in judgment of the quality of my loving, and beat myself up for not always being perfect. Because of that, I thought so many moments had been lost forever. And now – I’m thinking that’s not so.
Since Patrick left, my perception of what love is has changed. I no longer see love as perfect, and as something that exists to make me happy. Sure, love can bring joy, but it can hurt like hell. But the bad parts…they’re love, too, just as much as the good parts.
I now see love as a “practice,” or an opportunity. And if you pay close enough attention, it might make you a better person and challenge you to live a fuller life.
And after I woke up from my crazy-alien-regret dream, I picked up a guidance book about loss that I hadn’t looked at in awhile, and amazingly, this was the day’s entry: “I will try to let the weight of regret and guilt slip away. I am not perfect. I am loved. And love makes all kinds of allowances – and keeps on loving.”
It was about dissolving regret, and replacing it with a lesson. A lesson in the “practice” of love.
I had the best love ever with my husband. And I dare to believe that he did with me, too. And yes, it was imperfectly – perfect.
And my lesson is to embrace it all.
Lisa,
This is beautiful!
Love the pictures of Patrick and you also.
Thank you, Sue
“Marriage is the promise of eternal love now that patrick is gone he will always still love you even if you are not perfect. you were his soul mate and always will be 🙂 thanks very much for sharing
Lisa, I bought your book not long after it was released and I can honestly say its a book that has taken me so long to read. Normally within days I have a book read with yours I’m still not finished.
I lost my soulmate Noel Nov ’11 to PC he was dx in April, Easter weekend. So many times I’m reading something that you have written and I wanna tell you to get out of my head. I’m down towards the end and I know whats coming and it takes me right back to the last week I had with Noel.
I’m not really sure whyhave I decided to reach out to you after this post, I guess more of your words striking a chord. Thank you for sharing I just wanted you to know how much you have touched me personally.
It’s amazing how similar our experiences are when we lose, or are faced with losing someone we love. Thanks for sharing, Kerry.
On the topic of regret; sure one way to disolve it is to learn a lesson or the lessons from it, but for me , I also have found and discovered another way to disolve it and RESOLVE it. And that way is ( to my father who passed away 23 years ago as he was murdered, } is to send a message either directly to him from me via no one in the spirit would, just like you would if you where talking to someone alive here on earth , in your own normal voice, nothing fancy, and be totally honest about the isuue and say exactly what you want to say; either appologizing or explaining the reall reasons why i did or didn;t do something. Then the other way I found I can get a message through and communicate to my father is by asking my guardian angel, to tell dad bla bla bla, and the other way is to ask my guide to tell my dad i said such and such, and I tell you, it really does work, because I get a visit and a sign from my dad pretty quickly that he got the message. So I use my spiritual messangers , send messages via my spiritual helpers to relay my apology or explanation of my feeling of regret to clarify where I was coming from. And the healing and ongoing resolution of a relationship with the regret begins to mend. It might not be disolved and resolved straight away or it might be a process of ongoing unraveling as to why I did something or said something or behaved a certain way, , because I might not even fully understand my self immediately, but I feel regret about it. I have less and less regrets now with my dad as I have talked the issues through with him, now he is alive as a spirit, not as a human. Try this Lisa , and you will have found another way to disolve and resolve regret. From keryn
Sounds like a good way to un-stick those painful regrets. It certainly gets it out into the air! Puts it into action, rather than it sitting and festering.
THAT’S RIGHT. AND THE BONUS IS , IT REALLY DOES WORK. TRY IT FOR YOURSELF IF YOU WANT WHEN YOU FEEL READY OF COURSE, AND I’M SURE THE SPIRIT WORLD AND PATRICK ARE LOOKING AFTER YOU ,IF PATRICK IS COMING BACK TO VISIT YOU. PATRICK WOULD BE INVOLVED IN YOUR WELFARE . MANY BEINGS AND PEOPLE OVER IN THE SPIRIT WORLD WORK TOGETHER TO HELP US, ONCE WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON OVER THERE WHO STILL CARES ABOUT US, ALOT OF EFFORT AND EXTRA HELP IS INVESTED TO HELP US HEEL AND BE INSPIRED ABOUT ISSUES. HAVE FAITH ON YOUR JOURNEY TO WORK OUT YOUR REGRETS, AND MAKE IT A NEW GOAL OF DISCOVERY OF HOW LIFE NEVER STOPS A PROGRESSION OF LEARNING AND REPAIRING JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS MOVED ON TO ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE. THERE IS STILL A LINK WITH THEM AND US AND WE CAN STILL COMMUNICATE WITH THEM, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY , SO KEEP COMMUNICATING AND CONTINUING A REALATIONSHIP , BUT OF A DIFFERENT KIND NOW, SO YOU CAN MAKE AMENDS. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE. THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF KNOWING NOW THAT THE SOUL IS ETERNAL AND LIVES ON, IT ALLOWAS US ANOTHER CHANCE TO STILL CONNECT AND LEARN THE LESSON AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT. I’M SURE PATRICK HAS JUST AS MANY REGRETS AS YOU DO, SO DON’T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN.. I HAVE MANY REGRETS TOO , AND THEIR NOT NICE TO LIVE WITH , ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE GREIVING, IT AMPLIFIES THEM. BUT THERE WOULD NOT BE ONE PERSON ALIVE WHO DOESN’T HAVE A REGRET – NOW IT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH IT THAT MATTERS NOW – IF YOU DON’T APOLOGIZE NOW OR EXPLAIN, THEN YOU WILL REALLY HAVE A REGRET.
I AM SO TICKLED PINK THAT YOU RESPONDED TO MY COMMENT, AS I DON’T KNOW YOU PERSONALLY, BUT I THINK YOU ARE LOVELY, AND A PERSON OF SUBSTANCE, AND VERY BEAUTIFUL [ AS PATRICK WOULD AGREE !!!! ] BYE LISA – FROM KERYN
TAKE CARE AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR SOUL
Thank you! L
Hi Keryn & Lisa
I’ve just been reading a book all about what Keryn mentioned here and it gives me a completely new perspective on life after death. The book called ‘There are no Goodbyes’ (by an Irish author) relates how the author through his own experiences has over many decade learned to communicate with ‘spirit guides’ people who once lived like you and me and now live on as spirits. It seems our earthly existance is only a small part of what we are ever going to be. He tells how if we allow ourselves to be open to this belief, any of us can communicate with our spirit guides/ gaurdian angles, just by sending questions or thoughts to them and allowing ourselves the space and time in our heads to be guided by them in a positive way. I have always believed in gaurdian angles since I was little, I dont no why!! and this book reaffirmed all of this and more. I was kinda spooked when I then read your comments here, it was all so similar.
Lisa like you and Patrick, I too have been with my love since my teens. I was married at 19 and my husband was 21. We will celebrate our 33rd anniversary this October and yes we have an imperfect but perfect marriage. Many tough times that have made us stronger. You never know what life is going to throw at you so I have learned to enjoy more of the simple things. A cool breeze on a hot summers day, a peaceful walk with my dogs, or just a coffee on my deck in the morning as I watch the sunrise. Regrets used to eat me up inside and now I have learned to enjoy the simple things with my husband. Yes he still may drive me crazy at times but I don’t regret what we have done with our love and our lives.
I look forward to reading your new book since in 2009 I too lost someone very special in my life…my mother. She will always be in my heart and I know it will take time for the grief to be less and less but every Mothers Day is tough on me.
Oh and by the way…she also visits me in my dreams.
Wow, that was a crazy dream! Maybe the “beasts” you were fighting were the actual regrets! And, like the polar bears and pitbull, regrets tend to “stalk” and “latch on” to us…(Obviously I’m no dream interpreter…)!
Lisa, there is no doubt that Patrick regretted deeply those times he tested you so. But, it is so obvious that the unconditional love the two of you had for each other overrode all of those bad times by a million! Like you said, the two of you were “imperfectly perfect” and true soulmates!
I’ve been thinking a lot about life myself this week, since I lost my 104 (yes, 104) year old great-grandmother on Wednesday. We were always close, and I visited her about 3 times a week at the rest home. In the last week, I experienced much of what was written in the final chapters of your book. I watched as she struggled for breath, couldn’t eat, couldn’t get comfortable, her screams of “I wanna die,” and watching both her heart rate and oxygen drop to 30 the night before she passed. As a family, we realize how beyond blessed we were to have had her in our lives for so long. And, her memorial was a celebration of her life. But, it was still so hard to let go. And, tomorrow will be even harder as we clean out her room at the rest home. But, the last thing she said to me the night before she passed…”Love you.” And, I embraced it.
As always, much love to you! XX
This is a picture of her (in front) with (L to R: my mom, uncle, me, aunt, grandmother) on her 104th birthday this past November. 🙂
C:\Users\England Home\Pictures\maw maw 104 birthday.jpg
Sorry about your great-grandmother! I hope you will find some sweet moments as you clean out her room. And I’m sure she’ll live on in your heart. I’m sure she adored you! It’s hard none the less. XL
Thank you so much for your sweet and comforting words, Lisa-they mean the world to me. XX
I feel like this was written especially for me. I lost my (36 year old) husband to pancreatic cancer three weeks ago tomorrow. Since then, I have spent many days feeling guilty, regretting choices I did or did not make, even hating myself. Up until this moment, words – as much as I appreciated them – were of no comfort. Thank you, Lisa. Reading this helped a little, which is huge.
It was the first weeks after I lost Patrick that I felt the most self-blame. It was agony (it did help to talk to my doctor and others about how it all went down). And then from the self-blame, I went to being furiously mad – at him! Hang in there, sister.
Lisa, true love never runs smooth.
Wow Lisa…I have intended for my words to bring you comfort and encouragement in some small way…but you are the one giving it to me..thank you.
I beileve that things happen because they do happen. I wanted to let you know that I made a special
group for Patrick. I miss him so much. Dirty Dancing is my favorite movie of his. I also have your book
that you 2 wrote together. You 2 had a special kind of love. The name of the group is:
Remebering Patrick Swayze. I had it up for awhile. I put pictures up. Its for all of Patricks fans, like me.
God Bless you.
Lisa,
I read your book Worth Fighting For and found myself reliving the loss of my husband to pancreatic cancer in 2003. It was unbelievable all the similarities! I did really well in the emotion department until something most people wouldn’t even pick up on. When you said you flew as much as possible because the car rides hurt Patrick. We had a beautiful home in the country and gave the home up to move into a duplex a few blocks from the cancer center because of that! Same chemo, same complaints, same will to not show anyone he was sick…..my heart goes out to you. I know EXACTLY what you experienced and I, too, went through the difficult times of wondering what if I had…….
Doing it in reverse order but I now have Patrick and your first book coming along with the audio tape. After reading Worth Fighting For, seeing how he accomplished reading the book to tape… I have to have it also. I still miss my husband every single minute of every single hour of every single day! Thank you for putting into words what I have wanted to (I kept notebooks to your legal pads of all his treatments, doctor appointments, etc.. to keep ME straight thus keeping the medical professionals straight!) for all these years. I may get it into words yet but you, what you went through, your feelings, your thoughts, your love for your husband…it could have been me! I have loaned the book to my oldest daughter to read (then my Mother is getting it) so they will know what I was feeling. Thank you, Lisa. Thank you for loving Patrick and sharing that love with me.
A few people questioned why I would be so honest in my book. Your comment says why. I’ve been honored to share this journey with you, and so many others. And that I may have helped, or made someone else stronger, makes it all the better. Thank you.
Лиза, hello.
It is very glad that I have found your site and so I have honor it to read! It would be desirable to learn about your books. Whether at the Russian readers possibility will familiarize with them? Very much it would be desirable to read your books, and and such people I think not small quantity. Answer please.
Thanks.
Lisa;
We all have regrets when we lose someone we love. There are so many things I regret the day of my daughter’s accident. I always told her to be careful when she left, this paticular morning I told her and when she got to the door she came back and asked me if I told her to be careful, I said. “yes, but be careful again”, and out the door she went. I should have told her I loved her and to be careful, but it was getting close to my youngest brothers first anniversary of his passing and I was depressed and not thinking. I was called to the scene of the accident and I was able to tell her I loved her then, but it was not the same. Oh, if we could only go back and have some do overs, it would be great. I lost her 10 days later and the hole in my heart is still there, she was my only daughter and I miss her every day. Things have changed, but when I tell her brothers that I love them, I feel like I am cheating her. I am told it will get better, I pray it does. Thanks for posting this and the beautiful pictures of you & Patrick. God Bless ! ! ! <3
Ah, you break my heart with the depths of your pain. There is no doubt in my mind that your daughter knew that you loved her beyond-beyond. I think sometimes we don’t know what to do with the grief, it hurts so much, and makes so little sense when we lose someone. I’m told that the “hole” never goes away, but our lives WILL get more manageable. Hey, I’m up for whatever I can get! So right now, I’m just accepting that this pain will get more manageable, but will not go away, and I’m going to have to learn how to “go on” in life with it in tow. My best to you! L
ps. Just heard of this book of poems & thought of you. From what I understand, it is very touching & has been helpful to many people who have lost a child:
Stars In The Deepest Night: After the Death of a Child, by Genesse Bourdeau Gentry
Thank You so much for remembering me. I will look for this book. God Bless you many times over. Patricia
What a gift it is that you share your words with us, Lisa. I feel like I learn something new every time I read your writing. And I am grateful that you are sharing your journey with us all. What you have gone through with your husband is an immensely personal thing, yet you have chosen to touch others with your experience. I, personally, am so very grateful for that! I have a 2 year old nephew who is very sick with brain cancer (I met you at a book signing in Bridgewater, NJ and I told you a little bit about him then), and I often don’t know where to turn when things get overwhelming. Your words are always so comforting, whether you realize it or not. Thank you, thank you for speaking your mind so eloquently and so honestly. A true gift. 🙂
Lisa, I talk to myself about those very same feelings all the time. I shouldn’t have been angry with him. I should have been sweeter or more loving or less grumpy. But you’re right, we aren’t perfect. I’m still going through all the challenges of multiple health problems with my husband (I told you about them one time), taking care of him almost 24/7, still working and trying to keep up with the house and everything else. It is hard and you find yourself going through emotions you didn’t even know you could have. I guess we do everything we can, the best way we can and have to live with the rest. Eventually, I will be in the same place you are now. When that will be is unknown, but it will happen. Everyone says to take time for myself and do something for myself, but I can’t. I’m always doing something related to his care. Sometimes I do get angry and maybe even a bit resentful, but I do the best I can. No one really knows what this is like unless they’ve been through it and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I’m sure I’ll have regrets, too, but for now, I’m just accepting my imperfections.
And the emotion attached doesn’t make it any easier, does it? I think we do our best in these situations, and our best can look vastly different from person to person. Sounds like you have a LOT on your plate. I know the feeling when you wonder how you’re going to manage to get through the day. I wish you would find some kind of break for yourself, even if it’s sitting, and closing your eyes, and listening to music you love. I know that the stress seems to permeate everything, but I even these little things you can do for yourself can help, even if it doesn’t really feel like it at the time. Good luck!
No, the emotions attached do not make it any easier. Sometimes, it just adds more stress to the situation. I do have a lot on my plate, but just “venting” sometimes helps. Also, reading your book has helped me as I know now it isn’t just me having these feelings or having to deal with everything associated with a loved one’s health issues. I think having the “connection” to others going through similar things helps.
Thanks for caring, Lisa!!
Lisa,
Thank you so much for sharing. It has helped me during this time in my life. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Oral Cancer last June. Major surgery in Aug. and it just showed up again on the other side of his neck. He had surgery again this past Friday. Chemo and radiation to follow (2nd round of radiation).
Blessings to you!!! Thank you, again! Your words help give me courage and strength.
Connie
As if we don’t have enough to deal with in our relationships, we burden ourselves with things that are beyond our control and then regret actions, words, or looks (some that can kill) that we dealt out. For me, it always turns to guilt–even though I know in my head that I can’t possibly be responsible for someone else’s actions, I still carry the guilt with every outcome. This is especially true when it comes to my children. Even though they are grown with their own families, somehow I manage to feel guilty if their road gets bumpy. I think of all the things I should have said or done to guide them better…but it makes no difference in the outcome. This is a heavy burden to bear, and I haven’t yet figured out how to let it go….maybe it comes with the territory; trying to be super-mom is a big job.
Ingrid
thank you for your posts ….. they are of such great consolations for those who like you have lost a loved ♥ God bless you Lisa for your big heart.♥♥
Hi Lisa, I followed your advice one you make in your book. I sent a message to a friend whose son is seriously ill. Before you read, I would not have done out of modesty or fear of annoying. But when I read, I realized that we can help with words and a lot of contacts. The result is that she thanked me and I think it gave him some pleasure in these moments that black crosses. Thank you very much to help yourself while you fight with your own feelings. This is called generosity and you débordez. Thank you.
That’s wonderful that you sent that message. I’m sure it was appreciated. It helps a lot when we know there are people out there that care.
Dear Lisa,
I’m one of so many, that Patrick has given so much with his performances in movies.
And yet it was „The beast“ what blows me away. I enjoyed every damn minute of this event.
I’m very grateful that you both realized the film „One last dance“, it is a jewel !! I think the movie shows us a lot of your real relationsship, the life behind the curtain.
In the past months I did read Patrick’s book and of course yours too. Even my english grammar is not the best I was able to understand what you both wanna transport in your books.
That you took the time to write is simply wonderful, it has given us such a deep insight to what you have been go through. What I loved was to imagine him during the horsetrails, work on his book and so on. That makes me smile!!!
And I’m thankful that he have had this moments, that he was able to enjoy his life in spite of cancer.
His loss touched my deeply at that time and I still miss him … but I wondering so often … how I can miss someone who I really never known in person? It’s crazy, isn’t it so? But when I listen to his voice, telling me „The time of my life“ there are so many pictures in my head of you both, that’s amazing. Your love to each other was really outstandingly! I guess to have that what you’ve had is rare ………..
I’m so happy to find out you in this condition now. Writing on facebook and your own blog.I enjoy to read that you are going on. Every day a little bit. Step by step.To see your work as a spokesperson for pancreatic cancer awareness is giving so many people hope and strength! What is your source of this power?
To read about the last days of your husband was devastating, it makes me cry a lot.
Your very intense words, which described the pain of loss and letting him go were so heartbreaking and full of love. We all lost a beloved one and know what that means. For me personally it was like crying not only due to Patrick, my tears runned to my cheeks because of so many beloved one’s in my own life. It was scaring but also comforting. Very moving ………
You know, I’m a painter.
And in the last years I find out so many wonderful pictures of Patrick and you.
In the last weeks came an idea up in my mind. I wanna paint and draw Patrick,- him with his beloved horses, him dancing, with you and wow, I have so many ideas …
I just wanna spread the love for his legacy and for him as a person. For you as a couple.
I wish I can create something what connect the fans around the world. Is that naive? Maybe.Who am I?
But I love that picture in my mind.
I have no other possibility to ask you if you would be ok with that or is there an mailadress?
But I will not just paint, I wanna auction this pieces and giving the intire proceeds as a donation
to the Stanford Cancer Center in Patrick’s Name.
I will pay the posting,- and shippingcoasts for all bidders. It’s like an charitywork for me. I wanna see people smiling with a piece of art and we’re doing some good, collecting and sending money to support the Cancer Center. That would enrich my life very much.
I have to say that I’m just in preparation of this work, because I’m working on a series which will be exposed in fall 2012. After this, maybe summer, I wanna begin with the series of Patrick. I know until it’s a while but I have to prepare myself to do it.
What do you think of this idea? It would be great if you would let me know ….
Lisa, thank you so much for taking the time to tell us your story in your way.
I’m looking forward to the german issue of your book, may I understand it for real :-))
I wish you many many good days, with Patrick is comforting you with signs …..
Be blessed and may happy. Stay beauty and strong. Enjoy life with your sincere friends.
With a hug, Sabine <3
Follow your heart. Especially if it will bring you pleasure.
Thank you, I did hope that you would be ok with my idea.
I can’t wait … I’m very looking forward to do this kinda artwork.
Wanna let you know when I start … 🙂
Dear Lisa,
I realize that nobody is perfect .But the reason why i always loved Patrick and you is that both of you were so deeply sincere and honest people who loved each other.i´m so sorry for bad times you had together ….But you know what? They say that even the best person in the world have some defects. I know that sometimes you had too hard with him and you never stoped to love him….I´m sure he knew it,Lisa…
The life isn´t always easy but sometimes those bad things in a relationship are working to realize how much we love our family or someone else….
I ´m reading your book and a i appreciate your sincerity there.I understood your reasons why you wrote it with so much frankness and heartbreaking honesty.
There are so many people who needs help to deal with a death of their people who they loved.
Thank you for your wonderful book and for trying to help to someone else.You does a n amazing work , i think.These images of you and Patrick are very sweet . Both of you were my the most favorite couple in the world and always will be because your unconditional love for each other is perfect to me….
Sending a lot of love to you and to your beatiful animals,
Take care
Thank you! XXX
Lisa,
I’ve been thinking about for a while but now I’ve made up my mind and decided to say thank you for helping me getting out of my misery in a way I didn’t expect at all. The year of 2011 was the most terrible time of my life with losing my grandma to cancer, finding out that my husband had cheated on me and crashing my car in an accident, all during the time I was expecting my second son. Of course I was terribly depressed after giving birth and didn’t see a damn ray of light shining through this whole cloud surroundig me and also I was blaming myself for not taking good care of my children. Then I ordered you book, read it in 24 hours (mainly while nursing the little one :)) and by the time I finished it, I found myself on a new level and could overcome my worst feelings. I must say you truly are inspirational. Thank you again.
Orsi from Hungary
Hi Lisa,
I read your book as painful and beautiful as it was for me. I am losing my husband right now to Glioblatoma a most aggressive form of brain cancer. Even though he is still here physically, emotionally he is not. I look for solace everywhere and take courage from your life experiences.
God bless you ,
Joan
I am sending my best to you, Joan!
Awesome! Thanks so much for sharing. Makes me never want to take anything for granted ever again. Love you Lisa!
Hey Lisa,
Regrets – acknowledge them and move on. None of us are perfect!!
and as for our relationships and marraiges we all have to learn to take the rough with the smooth.
Its when we learn to do that and still manage to stick together we know we have something special.
Just like you and Patrick did.
I’ve been married for 20 years and God knows it hasn’t all been a bed of roses but I wouldnt change it.
Its all in those wedding vows……. for better for worse, richer or poorer, till death us do part.
Stay strong
Kate
Love this Lisa! You are so right! .. I hope I find a love like you and Patrick had! (im only 16) You stick with each other through thick and thin and I admire that. Your love is HUGE.
Chelsea
Hello Lisa, 🙂
Thank you so much for your beautiful Pictures from you and Patrick.
I have my husband married am 11.11.2011 after 17 years. We experienced much lows and heights.
I do not think it give humans no mistake
make. You and Patrick are big Heros for us fans 🙂
Love and Light
Simone
PS: sorry for my not so good English 🙂
Simply I say, thank you, dear Lisa.
What you share today with us, is wonderful.
And………. Your book is a lesson of Love.
Just few words to send you all my Love and support.
A big hug, sincerely.
Nadia.
Hi Lisa
Just loved reading this blog as it is so true about all the regrets that rush through you, as they did for me when I lost my hubby to C.F. Every thing turned into such awful sorrow of regret but it’s the guilt of being the one left behind that hurts you so deeply as you feel your whole being has been torn apart, but after you take time to access your life of love and sorrow you find the happy moments flood back into your memories and more often they begin to push the sad feelings to one side and these good feelings wash over you as I think to myself I was the lucky one he choose to share his life with and in our life we had many touching special moments which many people just do not find but I know I will never ever forget him and will always have this to cherish for all time,as I had a very very special 7 years of marriage with a brave and loving man who fought c.f. and arthritus,and diabeties and leg ulcers with such courage and strength, never complaining at all and always thinking of others to me he was just the best there was and I will now never regret a single moment with him as this is how love goesand it holds you together what ever is thrown in your path, you get there in the end.
God bless you Lisa and throw those awful regrets to the side, you take care and lots of love to you and your lovely pets love julie xoxoxx
So beautiful. And yes, I’ve started to get there, where the good memories actually feel good again, instead of hurting. I’ve been a very lucky woman. And as bad as the hurt had been since I lost him – I’d do it all over again. XXL
Hello Lisa! I am very happy to have me open an account here because it seems incredible to read your thoughts and the things that you write, make me feel closer to Patrick, who was always fantastic for my. I wanted that you knew that you pray every night by, and until you send a cross of Caravaca for you to protect and give luck.I hope that you understand well, because I am Spanish and I use the translator.Thank you for your way of being I love, and hopefully one day you might see and give you a hug.Many kisses Lisa for you and Patrick.
Dear Lisa, dear all
“Nobody’s perfect” !! I remember now my first lesson of tolerance ( I was 12 ) – it was in “Some like it Hot” : this funny reply is still for me an invaluable message.
Every day (particularly in the face of adversity), I learn to respect myself and others and even if I carry on making mistakes or being irritable, i try to be better (sometimes it works…)
Thank you for this new post, thank bloggers for beautiful comments.
I think about you, Patrick ,Jack Lemmon, all these persons who show me how to be more respectful.
Je vous embrasse.
Clémentine
ps : nobody’s perfect? i think Gabriel and Lucas are the exceptions!
Dear Lisa,
As my first comment disappeared somehow, I just want to tell you again how much respect I have for you for solacing all these people writing you about there own losses and grief. It must be hard to face your own sorrow again and again by helping people to get over their losses.
As I usually repress grievous memories, I think it’s a realy a feat what your are doing.
So thank you very much to share your experiences, minds and feelings. I hope there is somebody around your that helps you repressing from time to time.
Feel cordially hugged by
Kerstin
Hi, Lisa.
It sounds stupid and crazy but for me it works. I talked to my two cats all the time things I don’t normally say to anyone else or when I get depressed or feeling down they are always there to listen or comfort. If you haven’t tried maybe it is good time to try. I love animals just like you and patrick and animal can sense your feelings and see things we can’t see, if Patrick’s sprit around you then your animal will see him everyday and everymoment.
P.S: I am reading your new book “worth fighting for” (thank you very much sharing your story) and I am so glad you did published the book. Letting yourself out is always best way to cure yourself being you as julie’s comment, think of good memories first, imperfect is also love even if your bad memories come out and beating your mind. It is easy to say time will heal but sometimes it doesn’t sometimes makes it worth but is that matters whether you had good or bad memories, you guys had each others and hell lot more than some people say they loved each others.
You were there till end of his life and he knows that and I am sure that made Patrick happier than ever. Lisa, hanging in there and I am postively sure he is watching you everymonent of your life. I really think, you are wonderful and remarkable woman and Patrick will agree with me for lucky to have you in his life and he was remarkable man too and very generous and caring (and very hansome). I hope, you have wonderful future a head of you and keep in touch. I’d like to know what you are up to. Sarah
P.S: Did you know every single pictures you and Patrick are together, his eyes always stays on you it says everything how much he loved you. I really think he loved you so so much and he still does where ever he is.
Love Sarah
You know Lisa, I did think about your encouragement of doing the paintings and yes, it will bring me much of
joy and happiness. Every painting is a learning process …
In my opinion paining or drawing has a lot to do with HUMANITY.
One can develop, flourish. You can dip things, feelings, opinions or impressions in colours
and give them a face that invites the viewer then, to lose themselves in it, or to find themselves again – to discover something ….
I can only speak for myself,
but it is an amazingly creative process of the wax to the matter.
Each new picture or new image throws up a challenge.
Because that is what are you both have done always and you brought it on the spot saying “follow your heart”.
That’s why I wanna titel the series of Patrick and you “follow your heart”.
This also was so much intense performed by you and Patrick in “One last dance”!!!!
I enjoyed this wonderful movie so much often. You created a piece of passion, love, hurt and wonderful moments. I’ve never seen a film about dancing like this. You showed us the world of dance out of your heart and this is so beautiful. To see this process in the film is so inspiring, you have no clue ….
You both melt together during dancing which is filled with so much love and light!
I’m so grateful that you found out a possibility to made it happen … to the big screen.
Thank you for sharing so many memoreis with us, blessings ……. <3
Lisa’
Been doing some thinking. It would be nice if you kept your blogs and replys and did a book on them. It would be very helpful to others who have had similar things happen in their lives, as you have had, and all who have replied to your blog, have had. Just an idea, hope you will think about it. Thank you again for recommending the book of poems for people who have lost a child. Blessings to you always. XX Patricia
I lost my husband to lung cancer 5 years ago and have had my share of “what ifs”. It’s hard not to second guess decisions that were made. My best wishes to you as you carry on in your journey.
thank you for your beautiful, honest post.
Hi Lisa
Me again, been listening to your ABC chat you were just great, you are such an inspiration to us all you are getting on steadily with life and I am sure all your family and Patricks family are very proud of you and all that you are now doing with your life. You are such a lovely lady to listen to you come accross on TV and radio brilliantly, but do remember to take some time to enjoy yourself and your beautiful horses and lovely dogs, take time to have plenty of fun with friends and family it can be hard but they are there to support you and I bet they get support through you just being with them, as my mother said she wanted so much to cuddle me but she thought if she had of done in the early days I would of fell to pieces so she just made sure I knew she was there for me.
Well take care loved your chat on ABC be happy the best you can God Bless love julie xxox
I had some great days this past week doing just what you recommended. But life still has some crazy “ups” & “downs” for me. Arrrgh! Actually I write about them in my next blog (maybe I’ll post it tomorrow). But thank you…
… as I heard this song for the first time I saw you and Patrick …
http://youtu.be/eoaGE-tkvRc
the lyrics are wonderful and powerful …