Ah! No gets out alive!
You know, one would like to think that missing, hurting, for someone you’ve lost is some kind of “romantic” pining away for that person. But the fact of the matter is – it sucks. And there’s only one way to get through it – you just have to get through it.
Today is the fifth anniversary of Patrick’s death. I keep thinking that I’ll pass these anniversaries with positive feelings, and flying colors, but it just hasn’t worked out that way. I’ve had a myriad of emotions and thoughts this go-round. From such sadness, to anger, to. . . Sadness, not only because of Patrick, but all of the wonderful beings who have left my life: my horses Tammen, Roh, + many more; my precious kitty, Possum, whom I just adored; my special, and wonderful Standard Poodle, Lucas, who died just a month ago after living a long life, and taking such good care of me. He was like my guardian angel.
Seems like I’m missing everyone this anniversary. And the feelings are tender, tearful, and achingly loving for all of them.
I’ve been thinking of adventure. Albert and I are going on a short cruise this anniversary. We’ll be at sea, on a strange boat, and we don’t know exactly what to expect from this particular voyage! Boon, or Bust?! And I’m remembering Patrick’s and my adventures on other ships, with good friends, the beautiful and unusual places we visited, how Patrick loved his 27-foot Ericson sailboat, the rented a sailboat boat we took off into the wild, blue ocean off the Cape of South Africa and how rough and exciting the seas got, to our passion for visiting wildlife at safari camps, devising how we could help the endangered animals in this fragile, African ego-system, hardly being able to wait to get in our jeep in the morning, and out in the wilderness to check on “our friends.”
And then, waking up yesterday with a sharp spear of pain going through me, out of nowhere. Ah, it’s the anniversary coming! And from this pain, feeling such anger, and blame – for every big, or little, slight, hurt, or mean thing that happened in our relationship. All the ugly feelings that one would like to keep buried, the anger that is soooo inappropriate, especially after burying such a loved one. Why would I go to such awful thoughts?? That one took me by surprise.
And then, I wake up this morning, and before I open my eyes, the thought comes, calmly and clearly, “We’ve GOT to stop pancreatic cancer. It’s taking the ones we love. We have to keep fighting until we eradicate this disease.” Patrick was taken too soon, and taken in an unfair way. And it’s happening to others, and it needs to stop. And that’s another thing I remembered this past week as September 14th loomed closer – the day Patrick died. And it is not exactly a pleasant memory. It’s real. Too real.
But this morning, I don’t feel angry, like yesterday, and I’m glad of that. And I’m glad I’m not too sad and depressed, not only because it’d be terrible to feel so bad, but I’ve got to pack, and get on the boat!
And as I drink my first cup of morning tea (Earl Grey, brewed just the way I like it), I watch a new video of Patrick that someone shared with me on Facebook. It has so many clips I’d never seen before of Patrick laughing, smiling, chatting, posing for pictures, playing with horses, dancing… And I can’t help but smile,
Yeah, we sure had some fun.
And I am very grateful for those happy memories today. Thank you.
And thank you, my darling.
I miss you. (And you should know that you are missed by so many)!
And my hope today is, that I feel your spirit with us, soaring out on the open sea.
The time has gone so quickly. I saw the video and thought it was beautiful, especially with the horses. I wondered if it would make you miss them more but hoped that it would make you smile and think of the good times. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel the anger sometimes.. no-one’s life is ever perfect. It’s ok. I have enjoyed following your journey and am really glad that you have found a new, exciting life. I hope you write about your cruise and that it is a special new memory to cherish. Very best wishes Cherrylm.
SOLANGE RAMOS DE OLIVEIRA says
há 15 horas via YouTube
S A U D A D E S
SERÁ QUE EXISTEM HOMENS COMO ELE, ROMANTI\CO, CAVALHEIRO, AMAVA A VIDA PATRICK SWAYZE? ERA TUDO DE BOM, SAUDADES NÃO É UM SENTIMENTO RUIM ENVOLVE AS PESSOAS.
EXISTEM VARIOS TIPOS DE SENTIMENTOS UM QUE PRATICAMENTE SENTEM POR ALGUÉM; É VONTADE DE REVER ALGUÉM, OU REVIVER ALGUM SENTIMENTO ESPECIAL.
SAUDADES PODE SURGIR DE DIVERSAS SITUAÇÕES. DEVIDO A ESSA IMPORTÂNCIA DEVEMOS VALORIZAR A CADA MINUTO AO LADO DE QUEM AMAMOS,
FAZER SEMPRE COM QUE A PESSOA AMADA SAIBA QUE ELE SIGNIFICA MUITO, QUE É ESPECIAL PARA NOSSA VIDA.
É UM MEIO ESPECIAL EXPRESSAR O AMOR, SAUDADES, ADMIRAÇÃO E OUTRAS FORMAS DE CARINHOS.
ATRAVÉS DESSA FORMA COMO ESTOU ESCREVENDO, ENVIANDO MENSAGEM PARA UM ENTE QUERIDO QUE SE FOI.
TRADUÇÃO: PORTUGUẼS PARA INGLES
15 hours ago via YouTube
The U S D A D E S
WILL THERE MEN LIKE HIM, Romantic \ CO, GENTLEMAN, LOVED LIFE PATRICK SWAYZE? WAS ALL GOOD, MISSING IS NOT A BAD FEELING THE PEOPLE INVOLVED.
THERE ARE SEVERAL TYPES OF FEELINGS ONE THAT ALMOST FEEL SOMEONE; It WILL SOMEONE TO REVISE OR REVIVE SOME SPECIAL FEELING.
MISSING MAY ARISE FROM DIFFERENT SITUATIONS. BECAUSE OF IMPORTANCE THAT WE VALUE EVERY MINUTE NEXT TO WHO LOVED it
ALWAYS DO WITH THAT PERSON KNOW THAT LOVED HIM VERY MEAN, WHAT IS SPECIAL FOR OUR LIFE.
IS A SPECIAL THROUGH EXPRESS LOVE, SAUDADES, ADMIRATION AND OTHER caresses.
THROUGH THIS WAY’M WRITING, SENDING A MESSAGE TO ENTITY THAT WAS WANTED.
Play the video
♥ In Loving Memory of Patrick Swayze ♥
– = – = – = – = – = – Please scroll down and read the beautiful poem I was Given permission to include in the description = – = – = – = – I have created this tribute video with alot of help from my very talented maej friend (http://www.youtube.com/user/xxmaej26xx) in honor of the one year anniversary of Patrick Swayze’s passing. He will never be forgotten by f …
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SOLANGE RAMOS DE OLIVEIRA says
LISA KNOWS WHAT ELSE I ADIMIRAVA? Worshiped YOU LOOKED A PHOTO KITTENS ANIMAL, I’M SORRY FOR HIM WE LEAVE.
AM admirer, A DANCE THAT DOES VERY WELL FOR OUR SOUL, LAST OF ALL ESPECIALLY PATRICK, TALENT OF RESPECT AND CARE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAD,
LEAVE THIS HERE THAT NEVER GIVE UP MESAGEM, IMPORTANT THAT HE LEFT HIS MARK WHICH IS LOVE, DANCE AND RESPECT.
Here in Poland just said good bay to a great actress and mother of 3 kids (the samllest is 3 yeas old) Anna Przybylska – link below
She passed just becouse of the same illnes as Patrick, it is such a los of both of them. She was a lovely person so kind and warm, was just 35 years old. I hope you will leave the huge legacy of finding the way of treatment.. or perhaps better recognistion that patients can be catch long before they are in IV stage like now …
All Poland is sad and angry that she was taken too soon… but in media they also remind Patrick and You and your way …
Lisa, my heart is with you wish you wanderful long life in happiness
Cathy Christiansen says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. . . You are in our prayers! Thank you for your work with Pancreatic Cancer!
May God Bless you on your new adventures!
Thank YOU, Cathy!
Ana Ruiz says
Thank you Lisa.
trina spikes says
Dear lisa niemi
I also is remember ing patrick swayze he was my flavorite actor now that his soul is resting all we have now is the memories I do wish you happiness and all the love ur heart can hold. And I want to let you know I miss him so much too even if I dont know him I still love and respect patrick swayze god bless you and ur new husband and may you forever be bless.
Dana Lockhart says
I cry for you, I cry for Patrick. Hard to believe that it has been five years since we all lost this beautiful soul. Anger and sorrow are real emotions that should be felt in losing one who so very much was a gift to all on this earth. I met Patrick once at the Egyptian Event a long time ago. The impression that he made on my heart will sustain me for a lifetime. Peace be with you on this anniversary of a light that went out too soon. I do believe that you see him every day – he is the bright sunshine that you feel on your back, the happiness that you feel in silly moments. He is with you, rest assured.
Jackie from South Africa says
Thanks Lisa – as I posted on your “Oz” blog and twitter earlier (SA time) – King of Irreverence…..and I loved the photo I posted of Patrick on twitter riding the rickshaw from “City of Joy”…….he looks like he’s having the time of his life! I love that pic of him! Thank you for being such a phenomonal woman – you are an inspiration to so many! Enjoy your cruise. Xxxx
Jackie from South Africa says
……Also, so sorry to hear about Lucus…….he had a long, good life tho….and animals teach us lessons too. Xxxx
Virginia Kuhn says
This may sound corny or stupid, but it is heartfelt and I believe true – you and Patrick will do all those things again and more – you will be together again. No matter what religion, belief system or higher being you acknowledge, they all share one thing: we will be with our loved ones again. Patrick is not gone, he’s simply waiting. My heart and my love go out to you, especially on this day. You are cared about, prayed for and yes, loved, by thousands. But that can’t help, not today. So talk to the Heavens and know souls never die. Virginia
I have been following you since Patrick died and you are one very strong woman. Of course its normal to feel exactly what you’re feeling and I just hope that the pain eases at some point… It will eventually but not for the moment.
Enjoy your cruise and stay as courageous as you are.
Much love from France
Hi Lisa ,
I will remember Patrick forever , i loved every work of him , here at this very moment Begium we can watch The Beast .
I wanne.thank you for sharing this with us .
Lisa….I know you will feel Patrick’s spirit today on the open sea….what wonderful memories you have. Thank you for sharing as your words have helped me so much in my grieving process. So sorry to hear that you lost Lucas last month……what a beauty he was. My puppy Bella brings me comfort since I lost my husband….not sure how I will handle missing her when the time comes. Thanks for bringing so much awareness to the fight against pancreatic cancer. It will be conquered soon I pray. Certainly thinking of you today….sail away…
Andrea M Buginsky says
What a beautiful tribute. I saw the video earlier, and shed some tears for you and Patrick. He was my favorite actor from the time I was 12 and saw Dirty Dancing for the first time. I feel as though I really knew the both of you over the years from all of the interviews. May you find peace today on your cruise.
Thanks for sharing the open sea, it was very touching. I watched the video of you and Pratick dancing at the music awards. I love that video. I am sorry for all the loss you have experienced in your life over these last five years. Patrick was a very special man and his Spirit will go on. ( you take the love with you.)
Tis was beautiful Lisa.
God bless you.
thank you for these wonderful words. Since I was a little girl, I adored Patrick Swayze, he always was a hero for me, I saw Dirty Dancing a billion times and his others movies, too. I always admired the relationship that you had with him, you both are wonderful persons who were made for each other. I don’t know you personally, but I follow your blog and I’ve read all the books. I am still endlessly sad about Patrick’s early death and I cannot imagine the pain that you must feel losing the love of your life. It must be insupportable. And it is normal that you still feel anger and pain.
But you are a strong woman and you managed to go on and to continue living. I admire you for that, I think I would not have been able to do so. I am sure that Patrick is very proud of you. You can be grateful that you had the big luck to share your life with such a wonderful man, a real hero. Not many people have the chance to experience such happiness in their lives. You are really blessed.
I honestly wish you all the best, Lisa.
A big hug!
I have been blessed! And am so grateful.
Such a massive talent, sadly not with us but always remembered with the presence from the silver screen, And thank you for sharing a “behind the scene” look and stories of Patrick.
Always crazy where our brains take us; the amazing, the tragic, the pride, the guilt. Each anniversary is a little different, but, having also suffered loss in 2009, it never ceases to amaze me how the feelings can still be so raw at certain times. I’ve decided to allow myself those emotions without over analyzing them. After all, it’s because we loved so strong, and fully, that the feelings don’t just fade, or disconnect, and that, is a blessing! It’s a blessing to love so big that it’s a force outside of our concious selves at times, and really, what choice do we have but to go with it? Fighting it can only do more harm than good. When it passes-this time-we pick ourselves up, and carry on, wise to the fact that we are women that know how to love with every inch of our beings, and be loved back, and that means we have a lot left to give this world!
It´s interesting, what you are feeling is nearly the same what I`m feeling in these days. In only five days i got the 8th anniversary of the death of my husband. I miss him like you miss your husband. Thanks for sharing your words. It helps me so much,that I´m not alone.
(Sorry,if my english isn´t that good)
Greetings from germany
My best to you, Sandy.
Really thank you for your answer. Now my hardest day of the year is over again. The live must go on.All the best to you.
It is unbelievable how fast five years went by since my Mom, Patrick and Michael Jackson passed away. Thinking of you today. In June died my friend Miriam in the age of 38. She was one of the biggest fans of Patrick. When we went so school that was the time she wallpapered her room with his posters and wished to be with you two, she liked you, too.
Hope very much she will meet him now.
I hope you have a wonderful boat trip and I hope that Patrick is with you in spirit…thank you for sharing Lisa…God grant you total peace and acceptance.
I lost my husband of 22 years to Pancreatic Cancer, shortly before you lost Patrick. (March 28, 2009) It is a horrible disease, not only to those with it, but those left behind. My heart is with you Lisa, I truly, know exactly how you feel <3
It’s crazy, huh? My heart goes out to you, too.
In my thoughts today , special man who was so brave , and lisa my heart goes out to you as the love yous two had deosnt come along often , i hurt seeing yous seperated this way, but admire you for remebering and sharing that bond that will never be broken, i just watched the video of yous dancing together ,how i like to vision yous together #happy # dancing #unconditional #love <3 xXx
Lisa, I sit here in tears after reading your words and I totally understand your array of feelings. It’s 5 years and I still can’t get my head around all that you and Patrick went thru fighting that terrible disease. yes, it MUST be stopped! Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and being so open with your life. There are still some of us out here who are following and happy you are finding love and joy again. Enjoy your cruise. ~Love and best wishes, Holly
What beautiful comments and lovely photos. God bless you now and always. X
Beautiful blog! I am glad to hear you’re not angry and that sad and depressed today…even though it’s a sad day. You and Patrick have been in my thoughts today…The clip on Facebook was beautiful! Patrick was taken way too soon…. 🙁 I have been a fan of him since I was just a little girl and I’ll always be a fan…! Your ‘One Last Dance’ is on my list of favourites! You two have always inspired me to give a 150% in dance class and at competitions and I was very proud when I came 5th in the All Scotland Irish dancing championships as a Dutch dancer 😀 So thank you..! And thank you for being such a fighter for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network!!
I always try to do something special on the days my aunt died or other people who are no longer with me.. On may 31st a very good friend died..He was like a brother to me…8 years older and always very protective of me. We grew up together as neighbours. He hit a tree with his car just around the corner of our house and his car caught fire……We were not allowed to see him anymore because he was completely burned….I miss him a lot! Last week supposed to be his 34th birthday and I did something special with his sister and nieces! I live near the sea so we went there and let these make-a-wish-balloon go….It was beautiful to see them hang above the water.. And as I was driving home this Friday there was this butterfly flying with me for a while…and after that, his favourite song was on the radio…I knew he was with me. Maybe you’ll like the song too…The lyrics describe how lots of people felt about him.
Lisa, I hope you are doing well today! Thinking of you!
Nicole Schmied says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings! I still miss Patrick very much and I can hardly believe that the day he passed away is already 5 years ago! I watch his movies very often. There is one, that touched my heart the very most: One Last Dance. Thank you for this wonderful movie!
At Patrick’s anniversary I always make a gift to “Patrick Swayze Pancreas Cancer Research Fund” and I pray that there will be a succesful treatment against this horrible desease very soon! Hope this might help, even if its only a little bit…
Love and hugs to you, Lisa
We still miss such a beautiful talented man, your Patrick. You are in my thoughts as is Patrick, always xx
Betty Rock says
I am so sorry in you loss of your standard poodle. Our pet’s take care of us when a human one is not around. Sorry about Tammen and Roh also. They passed so close to Patrick. Maybe it could be loss of love for them. My thoughts of love to you ob Patrick’s 5th year in passing. I am sure everyone all miss him too.
Karen k cox says
This made me cry as I know the feeling of loosing our precious animals cows, horses, dogs etc but it is nothing like loosing a spouse with as many yrs as you two were together there was a lot of everything that you went through but you stuck it out!! You went as far as you could go with him. I can feel you still feel his presence with you. Have a good voyage!!!
I do. And he’s still a part of my life everyday!
Loss is so hard. Sometimes the pain so intense we wonder how we can go on, but we do. You have traveled this road with such grace. God bless you.
Samantha day says
Dear Lisa much love to u. You are such a special person a real trooper. Always remember to be happy for the things that were and never let the sadness of the things lost stop us from seeing that. U got to spend your. Life with a great man. I thankfully got to meet him in London, whilst he was doing guys and dolls, he spoke so foundley of u and your ranch and ridge back dogs. It all seem like magical place along way from london . but u lived the dream. I can only express our sadness for a good man and also for your lost. Thankyou for being by his side so he could be the man he was. I could only dream to find a man like this there’s not many left. We are all respectful of u and your commitment to finding a cure for this wicked cancer x
Thanks. And we will find a cure!
This was beautiful Lisa.
God bless you.
Kerry-Anne Gibbins says
On this day, the fifth year of Patrick’s passing I just wanted to say that Patrick has been an inspiration to me my whole life practically. I was 10 when Dirty Dancing came out and he stayed in my heart for the past 27 years and always will.
I always thought there was something special about him that I couldn’t explain, like a light he had inside him that glowed from the inside out. He needed to express himself through his heart, which he did. I have felt that way myself, like I was put on the earth to help others through their suffering, make people happy and share my heart with them.
I can’t imagine actually knowing Patrick and the gift he was. I think his spirit is out there watching over all those he wished he could’ve watched over before when he was in his earthly body.
What a wonderful man. Lisa you are a light yourself, a kindred spirit of Patrick’s. He saw himself in you and captured your heart and soul throughout your lifetime together and beyond.
I always hoped to meet Patrick but knew if I didn’t somehow he’d know how much he was loved.
Thank-You for being an inspiration yourself Lisa and forever keeping his memories alive in yourself and sharing you inner most thoughts with us. Which is the best gift of all.
Thank you, Kerry-Ann. Yes, he did have such a light that emanated from inside. Always shone so brightly.
mirjam from Holland says
i loved patrick swayze so much as a good friend who playing in the most beautiful films.he was a guy with a heart and soul. the greatest film i love is dirty dancing.i’am now 38 years old but it give me a kick when i see the dances in the film.lisa i hope that the fans and the memories of patrick they you have,may they help you to feel the missing of patrick a little bit lower painful.God bless you lovely woman.and i’am proud of you,you have a site maked of the cancer of patrick,and i’am proud of you because you go on every day.greetings from mirjam from Holland
Lisa…..sail away… I know that Patrick will be with you. He is so missed. Thank you for sharing your feelings today. Your blogs are such an inspiration to me as I go through the grieving process…and yes you are so right…it sucks. So sorry to hear of Lucas passing just last month. He was a beauty. I find so much comfort in having my pup Bella with me since I lost my husband and I know when the time comes I will find it difficult to part with her. Thank you also for your contribution to the fight against pancreatic cancer. I pray one day it will be conquered.
Sorry for the repeat comment…..daahhh didn’t think the first one went through. I tried desperately to remember what I had first written…almost the same.
team swayzangel - Aurélie says
How shocking testimony! I think it is very important despite the sadness, anger parfoit to memories of good times …
Barbara Maffett says
Hi, Lisa, It has been so long since I have written on your blogs. You might remember I posted two years ago that I was diagnosed with terminal Stage 3C Ovarian Cancer with a prognosis of 8 to 10 months since I opted for no treatment. Well, I have taken no treatment and I am still among the living!! I can’t believe the five-year mark is today for Patrick’s death. I will always have a special place in my heart for him and for you since I lost my beloved Jack on October 2nd four years ago to the same vicious disease. Where is time going? I can’t agree with you more that something has to be done to eradicate this horrible disease and I am trying my best at this end with donations. I was very honored and humbled that the PanCan Association used our picture as one of the permanent ones on their newly-designed website. PLEASE check it out. It is one of the revolving pictures at the top of the webside which is “Stories of Hope – Donors”. Our picture was chosen along with an article that was written about us. I am hugging onto him from behind with the ocean in the background….my most favorite picture as it was taken after he quit the chemo. I hope you will look at the picture to see how happy we were. I am so elated for you and your new husband. I wish you all of the happiness God can give you. You have been through so much. After four years, I am still missing and loving Jack more than ever. Have a wonderful cruise. Much love, Barbara Maffett
team swayzangel says
To pay tribute to Patrick, as every year, we have mobilized to put a wreath on his star Hollywood Boulevard! hoping that this gesture you touch and all the fans too ! <3
A Patrick nunca le olvidaré porque me hizo pasar maravillosos momentos.
Y a usted le deseo que sea muy feliz en la nueva etapa de su vida que hace poco ha comenzado.
As always, beautifully written. Your words always touch my heart so. Patrick is always missed I know, so many people felt he was a part of their lives even if we never met him, we loved him through all his battles and triumphs, and he showed the greatest strength at the end, fighting his way. For that we respect him, and we respect you and love you and want you to be happy and live. Enjoy your adventure and believe he is watching over you with that smile of his, I believe that with all my heart!
Cant believe patricks been gone five years. Was watching dirty dancing a week ago and just miss him so. Sorry to here about lucas. Do you still have kuma? Keep fighting lisa for that cure. Patrick was taken way to soon.
My 140 lbs of Pure Love aka “Kuma” is still with me. He & Murphy (my little Border Collie) miss Lucas, too. XL
Lisa your words were very hard to read I was on the other hand I was the sick one with a brain tumor my husband and daughter had no idea what to do or how to help me now that it’s all been repaired for now I live everyday telling them I love them so much and thank them for all their support. When I had to tell my husband and daughter what was happening to me I have never felt so sick in the stomach they just cried and cried and from that moment on I told them I will fight this we will fight this and we did.
Although Patrick is not with us in body he is here in spirit running wild with the beautiful animals.
We never want to leave our loved ones behind xxxx
I know what you mean. Sometimes I thought Patrick fought so hard because he didn’t want to leave me. A terrible illness can really shine a spotlight on the true enormity have our love for one another. Thank you for reminding me of this.
Oh lisa so sorry this hard on you the annivesary of patricks passing though I only know him from moives he was my teen crush had a poster of him on bedroom wall blushing. I wanted to be jennifer grey lucky girl lol to have a man get her to dance like that. I have lost relatives and favorite dogs yeah its hurts esp when an aroma reminds you of them or the jingle of a dogs collar brings you to your knees in tears. Passage of time gets easier but glad your able to remarry to someone else yeah he has big shoes to fill must be careful to let patricks memories get in the way of the marriage. It sucks at times.
Jackie from South Africa says
Hi Lisa, you talk about enjoying tea – Earl Grey. When you were in South Africa years ago, did you try our Rooibos tea? Pronounced “roy-bos” – translated from afrikaans to english – red bush tea? Very healthy!! Thanks, Jackie
I did, but ultimately I’m a Earl Grey girl.
What an outstanding tribute to Patrick. I too just passed the 3 year anniversary of losing my Ed. He was 48 at the time, the last picture of Patrick on the ship was profound. Ed and I also went on a cruise just 3 months prior to him passing and it reminded me of a picture I took of Ed, looking peaceful, knowing what was around the corner. God Bless you on your new journey and may it be filled with much love and happiness, Lisa. MK
Thank you MK. And my very best wishes to you, too.
Jacki Pienta says
Thank you soo much for sharing your deepest feelings and thoughts with us. I’ve lost three close friends this past year to cancer and I can’t understand why we can’t find the cure. Soo many people taken way to soon in their lives. Your smile is amazing and although remembering is so hard, smile Lisa! When you smile, your spirit smiles and that is what Patrick would want. Sending hugs and prayers to you…from one horse lover to another.
Jonathan Billings says
Big Hugs to you Lisa. Patrick died shortly after I was diagnosed with the same type of PC, his passing scared me. but here it is almost 6 years later and I’m still here. like you I wondered why me? This must mean there is more for me to do. and I became very involved with the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. We have met at several national functions like Advocacy day and COLT conventions. I’m very impressed by your work and willingness to share your experience to benefit others. You’re right, we must find a cure and make progress to rid the world of this insidious killer. Bless you and your continuing role you have have accepted to help so many others that they may not join Patrick just yet.
Congratulations! So happy to hear that you are surviving, and thriving!!
In two months, it will be 5 years since my father passed away. He was an an Army Air Corp Instructor Pilot here in Texas at Gibbs Field and taught the gals (WASPS) at Avenger Field in Sweetwater. When my dad passed away, I had to go through his belongings and I discovered an old matchbook from the 60s and it was from the Hillcrest Restaurant in Las Vegas, New Mexico.
He flew there often in the 60s and early 70s and about a month after his passing, I wanted to see Las Vegas and step back into time, wondering what the area might have looked like. As I was sitting in that very same restaurant where the matchbook originated from (probably around 1965) I sat there and recalled Patrick had a ranch nearby, and naturally since Patrick was a pilot, a Texan and an extraordinarily talented actor (I am writing my comment from my ranch and airstrip in Texas, “Knot-2-Shabby Airport, 5TA6 by the way)… I thought about Patrick who passed away just before my father did.
I stayed in Las Vegas for about 48 hours and reflected on how wonderful this area was, and how lucky people were to have lived here. And as I departed in my Cessna flying towards the Valles Caldera, I flew over this incredible scenery below as I was heading west from Las Vegas and rocked my wings hoping perhaps in spirit my dad and maybe Patrick saw me say goodbye. I suspect they did see me, and believe they rocked their wings back to me too.
Ah! Thank you for that story! Love the airport name!
Nancy D says
As always Lisa, you have smoothed the path for so many with your truth, honesty and your willingness to part with your deepest emotions to help others on their journey to recovery. The anger you experienced is experienced by many if not all of us suffering from an enormous loss such as yours. But your open and honest expression of that anger brings peace and quiets the feeling that “I’m the only one that feels this way!” Your deep love of Patrick has taken you to the highest of heights and dropped you into the lowest depths of despair, but you manuevered your sealegs back under you and you started to climb……..and kept climbing….. and sharing your successes and set-backs…….and sharing the knowledge you’ve gained…….and sharing the many faces of Lisa…..and you keep giving us what every human being needs……….hope. Thank you so much.
Thank you Lisa for sharing this. You are such an inspiration to us all. I too miss Patrick very much. I have a huge collection of his work. I have had to do a lot of research and special ordering to find a lot of his work and there are still some of his pieces of work I have been having trouble finding. But continue to hunt for them. He was a wonderful man and I always felt as though I knew him personally and you as well. It is such a tragic loss for everyone that he left us so soon. I have an actual photograph of him that my aunts best friend gave to me that was taken in 1992 at the Arabian Horse Championships in Kentucky. My aunts best friend got to meet him. Something I had always wished I would get to do but never had the privilege to do. I would love to be able to share this photograph with you if possible. You are actually in the picture as well, in the background.
Gosh, I would love to see the photo, but don’t know how you’d do that. Maybe post it here?
Shirley Chi says
Dear Lisa, I am a 38 year old physician living and working in SoCal, and I was laying on my bed after a terrible miscarriage at 15 weeks (my second this year, this time I was almost 4 months along) watching a rerun of Dirty Dancing and it made me look you up to see how you are doing now that Patrick has been gone for 5 years. I had been feeling sorry for myself but after reading some of your book (I just ordered the whole thing on amazon) I feel like we all go through so much pain, and your story has given me strength during this difficult time. Know that I am thinking of you and wishing you well!
I don’t think many people know just how devastating a miscarriage can be. I still send a prayer every once in awhile to one I lost over 25 years ago. My best wishes to you, L
Ramona Hand Washington says
Thank you for sharing your experiences as you travel through this journey called grief. It will be two years this coming January since I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer. We were together for 37 years and I was left all alone for the very first time in my entire life. If not for the four little dogs in my life I’m not sure if I could have gotten through this experience. It’s not that I’m doing that great now, but am in a better frame of mind than last year at this time. Reading your books brought up some of the same feelings I experienced when dealing with my husband’s cancer…the ups and downs, sadness, hope, etc. I wish you much peace and happiness.
Charmaine L. says
Been reading what you wrote about Patrick. Patrick was such a gifted person. And I am so glad you both had each other during his lifetime. I read the both of yours autobiography and felt your love, joy, sadness, togetherness and am glad you both stayed together. Love like yours is hard to find now a days in the entertainment world. Yours was a true love forever. I also am very happy for your recent marriage. I think you found yourself another keeper.
In the next few weeks we will be having our first anniversary for my brother who died suddenly from a dilated cardiomyoapthy. His wife his having a very hard time with his death. Am praying for her that time will ease her pain. His death was hard on all of us. I am not taking it as bad as her but miss him immensely. He was younger than me and the first of our siblings to pass. Will be thinking of your energy when his anniversay comes around.
Love you and Patrick so much.
Thanks for being so kind to your sister-in-law. She needs it. It’s going to be hard for some time, but it will get better eventually. She needs to believe that day will come.
Thankyou Lisa, you are inspiring. My mother passed away a year ago from PC. Just sfter she was diagnosed with it in 2012 I was diagnosed with it too from a routine check. I was fortunate enough to have had the whipples procedure but mum could not be operated on as it was found too late. I often think of patrick and all the other famous( and not so famous) warriors taken from us by this monster. Too many far too soon. Lisa, I live in Australia. I want to rid the world of this too, I lived it, and I want it gone for wjat its done to me…. The whipples changed my life so much, and I need my mother to help me and to talk with. But it took away that too. ANYTHING I can do to help I want to help. Karen
I’m with you on that! And by the way, I’ve noticed that some of the strongest voices in the organization I work with (Pancreatic Cancer Action Network) are the survivors. And you know BOTH sides – having had it, and having lost someone to it. Your voice is important. Best, Lisa
Hope you’ve had a nice time out on the water. The first anniversary of my loss is approching in October (NSC lung cancer – non smoker), and I’m trying not to think too much about it (the anniversary that is). Your comment that you “just have to get through it” sounds about right. That’s sort of how I’ve been living the past 11 months. Not enough funds are being aimed towards the cancers that are higher risk (and lower survival rates), and that’s just not right. Hopefully it changes as we move forward. There are promising things on the horizon like immunotherapies etc and I hope that they are the future of treatment. All the best to you as you continue to move forward and inspire…really your words provide a bit of light at the end of that tunnel.
yesterday here in Spain did dirty dancing on tv again and as always went back to thrill was seeing patrick .. so cute .. handsome and will remain in the hearts of all of us forever ..
I saw your comment on your abortion 25 years ago …
3 years ago I had two abortions in 6 months and since then I do not get get pregnant. It is very hard to see month after month and do not get it I’m starting to lose hope, I have 41 years old and time is running me ..
because they have not returned to try for a baby and you patrick?
Hi Sandra. I’m sure this was lost in the translation, and you meant “miscarriage,” and not “abortion.” And yes, I know how hard it is when you want to have a child. It took some time for me to be at peace with the way my life has gone in regard to children.
Yeah, it was a miscarriage, but you decided not to try anymore? or they did not get more? Never thought that would have happened if you had tried again?
I think every month, and maybe that’s why I keep on my search because I do not want to stay with the doubt that if I continue not trying ..
Maite Sánchez says
I have been in the hospital for a stroke in my left leg, now i’m home but these days i thought about Pt’s death and the way that affected all people who loved him. I’m so sorry for your dog Lucas, a big loss for you.
I hope you’re okay with Albert, i wish best for both of you.
Best for you Lisa, as always. Take care.
Julie Clements England says
Hi Lisa you are a true survivor and yous help so many with your wonderful blogs and memories of Patrick, you have moved forward with Albert and enjoying life again. It’s great to read your feelings of life and love for your great family of animals past and present, you have such beautiful passion with your writing you just know all the feelings of grief and love we go through when loosing someone so special.
I am so pleased for you that you found room and strength in your heart to love someone else as I know the guilt I felt when it happened to me, but the love and support my husband has given me is just wonderful and our son now 19 years old has made me feel so happy as it is so good to feel alive in my heart again, on the Birthdays and anniversaries of my late husband I remember him and think of him but not with a sad heart but with a warm happy heart as I remember my happy times with him.
Love to you and Albert and your beautiful family of furbabys (horses, dogs and cats) xxxox bless you all xxox love Julie x
I’m glad for your new blog but i couldn’t write you before, because i have been in the hospital for a stroke in my left leg. Now, I’m at home, feel better then i decide writing you here. I tried with my mobile but my comment is awaiting moderation from Sept 27 , so i’ll do from my computer.
I’ve though a lot about Pt’s death these days when i was in bed, sick and the way that affected all that people who loved him. You know, i had a dream with Patrick before your engagement with Albert. A group of blog was with both of you in our ranch, and Patrick showed us all your properties, walking and watching two sides of the road but suddenly he stopped and watched something in front of him. I don’t know what thing he watched, i couldn’t see more but the only thing is he was in the same shape and wearing the same white t-shirt as in the your cruiser’s pic. Next him was your plane, but you wasn’t there.
Coincidence?, premonition?, you
call it what you want but there’s something. Dream was full of peace, tranquility and melancholy.
Take care dear, and enjoy your marriage with Albert.
So glad to hear you’re recovering, Maite. I like the dream. Thanks for writing.
keep fighting lisa. I love when you post pictures of patrick. He is so missed. Will you be writing another book?
Sometime in the future I plan to start another book. I’ll have to really be brave for this one! At some point, I’ll take the plunge.
I am sorry for your loss, Lisa – even though 5 years has passed I can completely understand that it feels like just yesterday…
I think that when someone dies, it leaves us with gaps here and there that can`t really be filled with anything else.
It sort of got its own safe spot in there – safely tucked into the roots of the heart.
So even though it is absolutely possible to Love again, for sure, that gap we are left with can`t really be filled with someone elses love. They will get their very own and special spot in there, growing into our hearts, just in a bit different way…
All the best,
Mona from Norway 🙂
Well, said, Mona! I feel that.
I just watched the video of you at the Chicago Ideas Week. Wow. I have been reading the book you wrote with Patrick–the love, the ups and downs, the highs and lows. One of the things I always liked best about Patrick was the way he spoke of you. Your talk was so helpful to me. My son was diagnosed at birth with a rare syndrome (1 of about 100 in the world) called ring chromosome 22 (www.pmsf.org); he was also disgnosed at 32 days old with the rare NF2 (he lacks the tumor surpressing gene, will get hundreds of tumors, and it will eventually kill him) Five years? Ten years? Will we have him until age 35 (average age of death for those identified in their late teens/early 20s)? No one can say. He is only 4 now. He has already had 3 tumors removed and currently has several more. Some days are easier than others, and the grief can come out of nowhere and slam you in the heart. Living in the moment–one moment at a time. You are so right. I will read your new book when I can. Thank you for sharing your intensely personal experiences with us.
Gail Mitchell says
It is so very good to hear that you are doing so well. I lost my second husband to HIV/AIDS and every morning you wake up and you make the decision to put your feet on the floor, to shower and go about your day. Each day maybe a second goes by and you don’t think of your loss. But I embrace my loss, I don’t believe that you can have the good without knowing the sorrow. Patrick seemed like a good man and you are a strong beautiful women with so much life left in you. Enjoy your time here on earth, there is always room in you heart for more love.
happy I found this page and happy its possible writing you some thoughts.
I want to say to you how much I feel sorry for your loss.
I felt so shocked when I heared the news about his illness.
(I am the “Dirty Dancing” and ” Ghost ” generation ( girlie movie’s ) and I just love his performance in that movies…till now.)
That something like that happens to people should be forbitten.
I really look up to this strong relation what was between you and Patrick.
And that you can feel the love and see it in every picture and video of you two, is so touching.
(yes and everyone can make it if they really want to. Me personal I am 27 and have a relation now for 11 years)
I know your bock ” The time of my life ” and I am going to read your other bock ” Worth fighting for” soon. ( Just found out now, that it excists and I am excited, even I know it will be so sad reading about that). Thank you for sharing this with the world.
I wish you all the best in your life and all the happiness for ever. You are a great, strong woman.
Greetings from Germany <3
Perhaps I am being redundant – but you have enjoyed not one great love – but two in this life. A strong brave man who understands that Patrick is part of your life and your heart forever. What a gift. I learned that I have cancer this past February and my husband and I touch on the subject of the after life and how we would know when we are connected through the ‘veil’. We respect and admire the love you and Patrick share, still, and hope the same will be true for us. Oh I am fighting, we are fighting to keep me on this planet, but the day may come. You give us both courage. And appreciation for what we have today – now. All the best. Deb
I know you know that there’s nothing like facing a life-threatening illness to put you in touch with what really matters. What we can learn on this journey is, without a doubt, beyond challenging, but so are the incredible gifts. My best to you.
I was a huge fan of Patrick’s but I fell in love w him the day he said his biggest fear was losing you. When he cried on Oprah- I knew he was the real deal- a real man and as we all learned more- with real challenges like every human being. When he talked about the horses and dogs- everything about him was passionate. I bet he lived like that- feeling everything – good or bad from his fingertips to his toes.
You are so real to remember everything – the good and the bad- that’s what real life is- in the imperfection is the perfection of authenticity.
I have seen the video of the 8 yr old doing the last dance and it brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes that Patrick’s passion is still so powerful to so many today. Today I saw the wedding video of the bride and groom doing his dance- when all the people join in at the end and they are all smiling – because dancing brings joy- I think what an amazing legacy- he is bringing people joy because his passion is still contagious.
This is the first year I’ve teared up seeing stuff w him- I think realizing as an adult now – that the lil girl who fell in love w him years ago was on the money back then- he was something special then and still today- his work affects so many. I think he’s probably smiling w his eyes like he did with that humble smile that he lives on through dancing.
I’ve been reading your blogs for a long time now and it’s easy to see why he cherished you like he did.
Wishing you all the best- now and always.
What a beautiful comment. Thank you for myself, and yes, he deserves everything you say about him.
HI lisa keep up the good work with fighting for a cure. I seen on your facebook page that one of your friends had a wonderful idea about getting with jane seymour about designing a open hearts necklace in honor of patrick. That would be wonderful for all of the fans to be able to buy something like that to honor and remember him. Do you think something like that can happen? Talk to you soon. Take care
Josh Hayes says
Hi Lisa. My name is Josh Hayes. In my professional life I’m a cameraman and editor but that’s unrelated to why I’m writing here. In fact what brought me here originally to reading your blog entries is somewhat strange probably, ha ha but I’ve really gotten a lot out of reading them. You never know where inspiration is going to come from.
A small group of 5 or 6 of my friends here in San Francisco are all big fans of Patrick’s films. We are almost all in our early 30’s, and each week or every other week we have “Swayze Night”. At the time of this writing last weeks double feature was you two in “Steel Dawn” and “Waking Up In Reno”. And we have new guests and friends who rotate in and out and join. We do this all with a sense of humor, and laughing at ourselves for knowing it’s somewhat silly, but we enjoy watching his movies repeatedly, pointing out funny things in the background, cheering him on, etc..
(Takes sip of Earl Grey Tea as well) A year ago a friend and I joked at Burning Man (a festival that I’ve gone to 6 times in the last 9 years) that we should have a Swayze night or something at Burning Man the next year. Instead, we’ve decided to step it up and have the first (to our knowledge) CAMP SWAYZE. Again it’s all done with a sense of humor but we’re thinking each day we can have one iconic movie themed day. So we can a Dirty Dance on a Tuesday night with old fashioned cocktails, or a Roadhouse Saloon with beers and choreographed fist fights, etc.. I won’t go to far into on the off chance you think this is the weirdest thing of all time, ha ha.
Anyway to skip to the reason why I’m contacting you, once I started reading the blog It obviously became really apparent how devastating of a cancer pancreatic cancer is, and amongst other things I’ve learned here, I feel like we would be remiss in the midst of all this celebration of all things Patrick Swayze, if we didn’t have some kind of educational materials or something to potentially raise awareness about Pancreatic Cancer or something along those lines. Not sure specifically what yet, but thought you might have some ideas. Realize these are old blog posts, and excited to read you’ve been married again so hope I’m not dragging anything forward that doesn’t need to be, just though I see what you thought. From one stranger to another, hope all is well.
Hey, Josh, I know that Patrick would LOVE that you have Swayze Nights, whether it’s serious, or for * “camp” reasons! If you want to add a seriously reality note, pancan.org (whom I’m very involved with) has some wonderful suggestions.
ps. hope you are enjoying, and keeping up with your work in this wonderful industry.
* See “Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar”
Josh Hayes says
Hi Lisa. Thanks for the expeditious response 🙂 I sent an email to PanCan thanks to your recommendation. I usually try to do 4 or 5 pro bono video productions a year, and I’m actually starting a non-profit that’s designed to do free and sliding scale work for good cause agencies, so maybe in a year or so when that’s all legal and official I’ll see if PanCan could use some help. Some of the statistics are pretty staggering. But either way, we reached out to them so hopefully some awareness can be at Burning Man as well 🙂
Only a lighter note. Burning Man is in last August/early September so preparations are starting to pickup. We’re still figuring out our scheduling and stuff like that since we have 6 weeks but some have some fun highlights like Patty Cakes (Swayze Pancakes), “surf lessons” Point Break style (mind you it’s a dry arid desert with no water in sight), definitely need to figure something out for Steel Dawn (maybe handstand contests or something not sure yet), we’re trying to get a Ceramic lathe or whatever that thing is called so people can do the Ghost pottery scene, we’re making a Roadhouse themed Double Duece bar/porch thing.
Projects are still in their infancy but here’s some photos should you feel like wasting your time and looking at them, ha ha : Camp Swayze
Here’s another question we’d love to ask you. We feel like any camp related to Patrick would be remiss in it’s duties without dancing of course. A couple of us just read your guys book together which drove the point home even stronger. For us layman and laywomen are there a few dances you recommend we should learn that you guys enjoyed dancing or teaching or something along those lines?
p.s. hope this conversation isn’t hijacking this thread 🙂
p.p.s. we watched To Wong Foo about a month ago and loved it! We’re getting into some of his less well known stuff now like Uncommon Valor and Grandview USA!
Hah! No particular dance. We always rose to whatever dance occasion presented to us!