There are times I am feeling soooo good, I’m thinking –
I’m so over it!!!
So over the pain, the grief, depression. It’s kinda like I’m that dancing figure online. You know, the one in the advertisement where they just got some great!! financing!!, or something, and the figure repeats the same happy-dance-move over and over and over.
So, I’m going along like that, and then out of nowhere, I’ll crash and burn. And suddenly, it’s like nothing has changed at all in these past few years, and it’s like my husband died just yesterday.
There was a period of time where I almost felt guilty when I felt good. There was this unexplainable fear that if I felt good, I’d be letting my loved one go, that I’d be forgetting about him. You know – my pain was somehow keeping him close to me.
In the months after he died, I thought bravery would be daring to be happy again. But then I found that some kind of feeling good was a necessity.
Eight to ten months into this loss, I thought I would surely die if things didn’t improve. My body was so trashed by being wrack with so much constant pain for so many, many months. I needed some kind of relief. Needed it, or I wouldn’t survive. Luckily, things did start to lighten a bit. Often, I would still crash and burn, terribly, but I was finally getting some relief!
And as time has gone on, I’ve been up on my dancing feet more and more often. And I’m amazed at how long I can feel good now. It’s gone from minutes, to hours, to days. Sometimes I forget that I can hurt so much, and it makes it even more surprising when I plummet and crash yet again.
I thought I was over it…
But like I once heard – the wound is still there, I’ve just learned to toughen up, building up a scar around it so that it doesn’t hurt every time I touch it. And still, sometimes the hurt rises from within.
In a strange way, I’ve started to adjust to these “up and down,” roller coaster cycles. I’ve come to accept that it isn’t something I can control, I just know that it’s coming my way. It’s coming, one way, or another. And so, to a great degree, I’ve stopped wondering, judging, and anticipating, and I just roll with it.
And when I wake in the morning, I do my best to be grateful for whatever may come my way.
And no doubt about it, I am grateful for whatever happiness I feel. And as someone once promised me – the better I have felt, the closer I’ve felt to my loved one, Patrick. For real this is true. I guess all that pain was getting in the way of feeling what’s really there. And what’s really there has been, and still is – really good.
And so, my little figure is upright and dancing. And many times my dance card is full, and sometimes I’m left sitting alone. And I’ll take it. I’ll take it all.
Oooh Lisa, yu are soo right. I know it’s still hard for you, but you have to be happy again, more than just hours. I miss him so much too. You are such a beautiful woman, Patrick is proud of you, for sure. He said in his last Interview, ” she’ll be fine and you are.
Lovely great’s froms Germany
You are truly an inspiration…. My mother has been fighting pancreatic cancer for nearly a year, and the chances for victory are getting smaller. So as I try to imagine a life without her, I am also so concerned for my father. He is in full blown caregiver mode right now, trying to balance work with caring for my mom while she is in and out of the hospital (3 hrs from their home), As I watch helplessly from the other side of the country. I worry what it will be like for him when this all stops, when his partner in life for the past 39 years is gone…. Reading your words helps me to wrap my mind around the pain, and the emptiness that may be upon us in mere months…. Thank you for letting us in…
Well, I guess you are learning like some of us have told you. Guess we all have to learn on our own. Go through it alone because no matter what someone tells you , NO ONE KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL. Everyone is different and has to learn how to deal with it on their own. Been at it several years myself, Good Luck.
You have an amazing talent for expressing your feelings and touching the hearts of others.
One minute I am so happy for you and the next, I feel the depth of your despair. It’s a good thing because it stops me becoming so caught up with what’s going on with my life and makes me sit up and remember to keep in touch and take care of the people around me.
Someone once told me to always try and leave a person feeling good about themselves as you may be the last person they ever see.
I try to do this as often as possible, but hey, being human it doesn’t always happen! I think, as long as I try my best then hopefully that’s enough.
But I have to say, your blogs are becoming so much more positive, that you always leave me feeling good!
Wishing you ‘Happy Feet’ for a long, long time
Yea! My blogs are becoming more positive! I love hearing that!!! And better yet, it’s a reflection on how far I’ve come in the these last few years. It’s hard earned, Girl!
Well done, just keep keeping on!…And dont miss a beat!
That sounds like the best way to deal with it…just roll with it! What else can you do? There are no guidelines or written rules of how you should act or feel. You have spent most of your life with this man, the pain of not having him here is bound to creep in when you’re not looking and probably always will. When you are happy, have good news or are sad even, you probably want to share it with Patrick, the one who you always had. I am so glad you can have happy moments and that they are more often. It gives hope to others who follow your blog that are going through the same things. I hope you can continue to find joy in your future and know that through this journey (even though it was one you didn’t want to take) you have created good.
Thanks for that.
Ten months now since I lost Tom to the same disease that took your Patrick. I often smile now as I think of Tom and I feel the link between us. This afternoon I crumbled and cried and cried. I was up, now down, and thanks for your words that will help me to come around again.
And will be for long time the time you may have to live because he always be forever in your heart don’t feel guilty to be happy because you still living for him in a new way GOD Bless you all my respect to you and Patrick memory <3
And in so many ways, he’ll never leave me. He’s always in my life, and heart. It’s a good thing!
Michael Brown says
I know how hard it was on you,because I am getting ready to go thru it myself .Words cannot expess the pain that I am going thur.And I want to tell you Lisa you are the only thats giving ne hope now .Its way different losing a spouse and I know if you can do it,I can to.Thank you Lisa for being Lisa
That’s exactly what I was saying to myself – there are people out there that are going through this kind of loss everyday, and they are surviving it. Why not me?
I don’t know how we do it, but we find a way. And it does get better, more manageable. I can attest to that!
Robyn Butler says
Your story is so sad, so many of us loved your Patrick, but of course for us, it’s so very different, we loved him from a far..we watch his Movies & he’s still alive in our hearts, & not ever having met him (one thing I wished I had done during my life & his).. but for you he was real, he was your husband, your lover, your friend & companion.& your life!.. My heart goes out to you dear Lisa..I cannot even imagine my life without my beloved husband Ken of 44 years, it’s simply unthinkable at the moment. I know one day perhaps I will have to bare the same pain as you bare each & every day since you lost Patrick, 3 years ago.
I’ve listened to the cds ” The Time of my Life”..while Patrick told his story of yours & his life together, it was so nice to hear his voice, like he was really talking to me, there were times, when I would turn it off to cry, it actually took me some time to listen all the cds. I loved listening & hearing him & you tell your story in your own words. I also have the book, which I cherish.
I have bought your new book “Worth Fighting For”..I got it just before we were to take a European Holiday in Oct for 6 weeks, I didn’t dare to take it to read on the plane, my face would not have been a pretty site, with tears running down my cheeks. So I will begin to read it soon, next week we are off in our caravan for 5 days, just to relax & do nothing, I will start it then, airport & train travel, tend to wear you out, dragging luggage, & we are simply to old to do that anymore it was our last big trip.. We’ll use our caravan to see some more of our own country Australia. everything we need is in there, nothing to worry about.
Well darling my wish for you is peace within your heart, & best wishes for a pain free Christmas, although I know the special days of the year, are the hardest..I hope you continue to move forward & eventually your life will come together.. I’m sure Patrick is looking down & protecting you always. I read that a new special person has come into your life, I hope that he can fill the void & make you happy again..you have such a beautiful face..which is even more beautiful when you smile..
Love you Lisa, please take care
Big hugs Robyn xxx
Aw, Thank you Robin. And I believe this Christmas will be better and gentler than the last, and the one before. I’ve come a long way, that’s for sure, and have much to be grateful for. XL
Last week, for the first time in decades, I watched one of my favorite Patrick Swayze movies. And for several days I’ve not only been unable to get the theme song out of my head, I’ve been unable to get the heaviness out of my heart over such a promising life cut short.
Perhaps I feel this oddly strong connection because my grandmother died of pancreatic cancer. Perhaps it’s because he and I were diagnosed about the same time (ovarian cancer in my case) and my prognosis wasn’t much better. Curiosity about the loved ones he left behind led me to this site.
Tears are streaming down my face as see how much you miss him still and how much of your life is dedicated to helping others in similar circumstances. I hope in some small way it helps to know you both have touched so many people in so many positive ways – profound and small. What a gift. What a legacy.
In the future, I won’t be reminded of him without thinking of you and sending hope your way for more and more joyous times and for strength to weather the painful ones. Bless you.
Dear Lisa, I left u a message on your face book page, regarding this post, hope u get time to read it. I think u are very brave to openly talk about your feelings as u have given other people the strength to do the same and share their grief. Losing someone is so very hard and losing a sole mate is even harder. Surround your self with those beautiful happy memories u have and they will make you smile. Don’t feel guilty about dancing or being happy as ur sole mate dances with you, and looks after u, he is ur angel always by ur side. Love Devinder
Sioux Schaefer says
YOU PUT THIS SO BEAUTIFULLY. I KNOW THESE FEELINGS TOO WELL.. I TELL MYSELF TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY AND AS HARD AS I TRY I DON’T FEEL LIKE CAN STOP MY FEELINGS FROM WHERE EVER THEY WANT TO GO. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST, IT HELPS MY LIFE MAKE SENSE. tHANK YOU. THANK YOU.
ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS.
i just hope you are feelling better now.I can realize that no matter how many years will pass because the pain there will be with you forever in certain way…But try to live the way you consider the best for you …
Patrick said: ´She´ll be fine because he had known you would achieve it,Lisa.And living and to be happy is like talking to him and saying to your husband:´´Looks, i achieved it´´ and he surely is very glad and proud of you.
I wish you to enjoy the Christmas that is approaching, may you feel much love,happiness and blessings.And remember that the Christmas time is a time of wonders and always brings a new hope and and a new light to somebody´s life.You surely will feel his presence that day….
Thanks for sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with us.
Big hugs from the Czech Republic
Gary and Karen Backus says
Dear Lisa, You are one brave lady, that is for sure!! Your wound will always be with you. Ours is always with both of us over our son, whose boys we no longer see. The pain can and does get in the way of so very much in our connection with our loved one. Even after 11 years we still cannot anticipate when the pain is going to hit us so hard that we just want to lay down and cry. We have learned about the “triggers” that remind us of our loved ones, whether it be a song, a fragrence, a cooking smell from the kitchen, etc. It took me a full two years before I could listen to any music without crying. You are doing a wonderful job. I have often wondered how you are doing this all by yourself when you go back home. I cannot even comprehend that and then, also, being in the same home where you lived with Patrick. All I can say, Lisa, is that you are surely NOT aware of all of the strength that this time has taken from you! To do this all by yourself is almost, in most minds, impossible. Yet, here you are, “STILL STANDING!!” God bless you, my friend, as He has continued to do. Believe it or not, God loves you more than Patrick did, and He loved Patrick more than you did. That is a real hard thing to wrap you head and heart around, but I believe it….. Otherwise how could we survive? XO Karen.
Lisa I don’t know you , bur as i see it , you are a very strong and kid person. I wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. I my live a have this person who i helping me dealing with my wounds. He said to me a some time ago “grief is love that you have nowhere to put” I think it is so true , and very beautiful said…
From Denmark the very best for you
With kindness Merete Mea Jantzen
Tough lessons life throws at us….Dance pretty lady, dance!!! Best wishes Cherrylm.
On Wednesday I went for the first time in my life to a championship of professional dance in Salou, Tarragona (Spain) with four friends. He had from children to people in more than 70 years. Interestingly all of Patrick, and his famous film we remember, and we got to sing the song. We got to talk about him, his career, and the shame we feel when he died. I told them that I was in contact via Facebook with his widow, and I commissioned to give him their greetings, and you will always remember him.
Envision a sand time glass.
At first, the top was entirely full, not a grain of sand below, and slowly – irrespective of time – the bottom began to fill, and now, there is more sand below than above.
The pain and sadness lessening with each grain that passes.
With this visualization you can remember, it is better than it was, and will continue to be.
Bask in the new freedom you find to dance.
Big hugs to you,
Very nice, Lily. Thank you.
I know when I lost my Mom back in 2009 that I was told “It was her time to go, she is at peace.”
At first I was so busy dealing with her death and all the business you have to take care of, that it really did not hit me. Then the hurt….what is going on here. Then Ok, I can do this. Then another slap in the face by the grief. Such a roller coaster ride. Now I am more at peace and still have my times when I feel her loss but it does get easier.
The love you and Patrick shared will always be there….but now you can share your love with others around you.
So pleased to hear that you are feeling better and more happy Lisa! I enjoy reading your blogs.
Wishing you many happy days and enjoy making new memories to cherish!
Red Hot Chili says
Aaaah, what a wonderful idea to see you dancing … how lovely <3
Yes, you have come a long way, a path of so many bad and terrible emotions.
But you fight by your own through these days. And maybe it is going to be brighter and brighter … through this concealing veil of grief and sorrow.
And you deserve this light much more than you know. You're a damn tough and brave woman!
Your fight for inner peace is a powerful light for so many people around the world!!!!
Patrick will be always with you … in you.
There are so many people how hold up the memory of him. And this is magic. Every day.
I hope I can start the series "follow your hreat" in january finally.
I'm looking forward to paint Patrick. With his horses, dancing, with you and his dogs.
Lisa, I wish you a wonderful christmas time.
Enjoy life and the people in it. Wish you a peaceful celebration with beloved friends.
Cinnamon dusted greetings from germany, Sabs :-*
It’s very usually you’ re up & down when everyone have lost someone loved for us. Although the time, one can thinking all it’s ok and feeling better and up, but in heart nobody can be able to dominate feelings and sometimes coming up bad things or good things to our mind. You’re not alone and you’re not the only one that feels these changes so hard. i think about you and Patrick often, and i asked to myself: how does this woman , having lived with someone so special like Patrick , can go ahead , now without him?. And my answer is clear, you have fought for Patrick’s illness, i can say you’re a survivor of that fight. really!. This fight sometimes is so exhausting that only one can see the light when time has passed by one.
Fight against cancer’s , is the type that is, leaves one marked either the patient or the caregiver. But only a matter of time before again being good about yourself, these are that we miss our loved ones and all have one we lost.
My husband still has not recovered from my illness and have passed five years, He was never nervous and now this, always with the sword of Damocles above, but continue living.
I think to remember only the good, do not stay with the last moments, you’ve had a full life with him, remember that and you loved to each other
and live and enjoy with your new friend, family, friends. And do not forget to dance, that will help is one of the good things you did with him, and i’m sure there are millions more. Good luck dear Lisa, I admire so much, your encouragement for PanCan, and all you do in your life, because all is good and for helping other people.and in the times we’re living there aren’t very few persons they do it.And we should be grateful that it involves as a public figure like in that way, i thank you from heart. I take this opportunity for you congratulate Christmas time.
The best for you and get well soon and “UP.” Love and light and carol’s music for you Lisa.
Carol Giles-Straight says
I have some very sad news. My husband had a stroke on October 9th, sudden and totally unexpected. He died October 13th. He was 57. I made it through Thanksgiving and what would have been our 11th anniversary. He was a dear, wonderful person. We shared some very happy times and some very sad ones. I thought we would have a lot more time together. I thought I would be picking out Christmas presents for him. Instead, now I am wearing one of his shirts. It is a little large but is very comfortable and comforting. I try to think a day at a time, but sometimes the most I can do is an hour or even a minute. I think I remember reading that in “Worth Fighting For.” So I will re-read some of your past blog posts. I hope you will keep sharing your ups and downs, but for Christmas and the New Year, I wish you only ups and more ups.
Thanks and Hugs to You,
I know you’re going through a very tough time, Carol. Hang in there!
Big hug as always from me to you.xxxx
merry christmas xx
Brenda H says
Wow!! This blog has such mixed emotions. It starts out sounding like your really, really over the terrible depression, then you fall back into the ‘rut’. Also sounds like the boyfriend didn’t work out(just observation). Your so tallented and beautiful, there will eventually be someone to capture your heart once again, no doubt about it!! I hope the next one is a little more like your Texas background rather than ‘city boy’ type. By that I mean, rugged, rough, exciting, but caring. Otherwise, I don’t think he’ll hold your attention for long. Definately has to love,,,,absolutely love animals and constant action. Yes? I adore your little ballerina kissing the nose of the horse!! I can just picture that horse jerking his head up and pulling her up in the air. Then him looking down at her like “what are you doing on the ground?” I’m so glad animals can’t talk out loud!!
You are coming around and it sounds sooooo good!! Keep up the good spirit, your helping sooo many.
I also noticed the more positive blogs! Good for you! I’m proud of you! You deserve to feel happy and to be on your dancing feet! You are right…the wound will still be there but you are doing so good!
Your blogs puts a little smile on my face in this sad week. Last week we got the news at school that one of our fellow students was dying. Her cancer spread all over her organs in less than 2 months! She finished her chemotherapy in august and was ready to go back to school. About 2 weeks ago she was told that it had spread…..She passed away last Sunday… 22 years old! I still can’t believe it and today at school I cried a lot…I lit a candle for her and now I’m thinking of what to write in her book… I can’t stop thinking about it but when I read your words, I feel a little better.
This Friday I have to go to the hospital for a gastroscopy..And also then I will keep your positive words in mind….That will get me through this sad time. Thank you 🙂
Annette Brooks says
I just finished reading “Worth Fighting For” and have to say thank you for writing this book. As a caregiver, I feel validated in many ways. You give voice to so many of the experiences and emotions that I have felt while helping my husband battle non-hodgkins lymphoma. He and I are blessed that we haven’t had to take the turn from making better to making comfortable. But I do thank you for sharing so candidly what it was like to face that turn. I will never forget your words. God bless you, Lisa. You helped me today.
I really appreciate that, Annette. Best, L
Joan Knight says
Oh Lisa. Just went through a down time. A time when I needed held, protected and to know some one loves me, other than family (preferably my significant other which is not going to happen,) sometimes they cause more pain than the loss. But I know I am learning that for every valley there is a lesson to be learned, and every lesson learned is a step back up the hill to the top again. I’ll be a little stronger, surer, and more at peace. I think for every heartache it is time to change the bandage, change the focus on my life, and look for the good or to do good for someone else.
As for me, if, I can open my Bible and read, reread, and study the 23rd Psalm. I find that it’s for thew living and that since my Bud’s death, I have walked, lived through the passages of the scripture many times, becoming closer to God and leaning on Him to get me through. Counting my blessings, being grateful for the distance I have come, The reality that I will always have hard times, bad moments, and devastation, but by the grace of God and the love of my friends I will go through with my shoulders, straight , my head held high, and my eyes on the love the good and the strength I have achieved.
Now for a blessing, I finally got in contact with Barbara, read her article and had a short FB discussion with her. It was so nice. And it’s always a blessing to read your blog, comment and know that I’m not much different. I’m not alone and that by sharing my load isn’t quite as heavy. THANK YOU , GOD BLESS YOU, AND HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR.
AND LET US ALL REMEMBER TO FOCUS OUR PRAYERS ON THE NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT
I have watched Patrick’s movies all my life….To me he was one of the American Icons…Road House was one of my favorites, and never could watch Ghost with out crying..lol
Then when i found out he was sick and then i found out that you two were together all of those years..To watch you guys dance was amazing!! One of the most beautiful things I ever watched!!!
Most people never get a chance to have the love that you and Patrick shared, and it showed each time you guys looked at each other.. It has to be hard to loose your honest to God soul mate…being lost –alone….But let me tell you girl, you are showing us now why Patrick loved you so much, with your strength and faith and ability to keep on shinning!!!!
Lisa, U are my hero!! My thoughts and prayers are with you, always…
Aw, those are such nice words.
Julie Clements says
Wishing you a Happy Christmas and a peaceful Happy New Year, you are really doing so well now and living your life in one day at a time well.It is hard to get there but your memories will make you smile more now instead of cry.
You now must live your life the way you want now with no more guilt at being alive and happy, just carry on this way and life becomes easier to go forward on your own ,but remember no body can take your special memories away, even my new family and husband do not stop the beautiful memories of my wonderful time with my first love and if any thing it makes me cherish each day .
So keep being strong you wonderful lady God Bless love Julie xxox
We come back to you for some information!
We have been trying for some time to make leaving our project on behalf of your organization husband “SWAYZANGEL: Dansons contre le cancer du pancréas” This association aims to help research on pancreatic cancer. You were doing by your reluctance to the creation of this association, we understand, but we would like to know what are your reasons, your doubt, they are the tips that you might bring us, because without your consent we can not nothing!
Grace & Aurélie
I just wanted to send a message of support and friendship! I admire you telement! take care of yourself and be happy !
Sioux Schaefer says
ON A LIGHTER NOTE I LOVED THE PICTURE OF KUMA AND THE HORSES. (YOU HAVE SNOW??)
KODAK MOMENTS ARE HARD TO CAPTURE WITH OUR ANIMALS. I DON’T KNOW WHY THEY MOVE THE MINUTE WE GET OUR CAMERAS. IT LOOKS LIKE HE IS DOING HIS JOB, KEEPING AN EYE ON HIS FRIENDS (THEIR LIFE MIGHT BE MORE INTERESTING, EVERYBODY LIKES TO GRAZE RIGHT?) lol.
I HAVAE A MARE WHO IS NOW 30. SHE HAS BEEN MY BEST FRIEND FOR 20 YEARS. MY PUP RYDER LIKE TO LAY DOWN NEXT TO HER. THE OTHER HORSES NO WAY.
THANKS FOR SHARING THIS HAPPY MOMENT.
Joanna Kontos Evans says
Hey Lisa, haven’t messaged for a while I have just come out of a bit of a crash and burn period as anniversary of my fathers passing came and went… 23 years for me BUT am out the other side again now.
Again another fantastic blog Lisa and so glad you are having more and more dancing days and I just read your news about bill being passed, yay to all of you who worked so tirelessly towards this positive outcome, FANTASTIC news… I imagine Patrick to be smiling down on you yelling out ‘that’s my girl’! So very well done… I hope you enjoy the holidays Lisa and I pray that next year will bring you so much more of the positive rather than the negative… Much love & hugs dearest Lisa always, Joanna XX
Thank you, Joanna!
Merry Christmas!!. Have a nice christmas’eve and have a good time!!. I hope you’ll be better. We miss your blog and you too. Take care Lisa .
Best wishes in this special time. Hugs for you Lisa.
May this Christmas be bright and cheerful and may the New Year begin on a prosperous note!
Merry Christmas! 😉
I am writing to thank you for your courage, kindness and generosity in spirit. You have given me such pleasure this year by allowing me to get to know you through your blogs and facebook entries. Thank you!!!
I once heard you say that you were” really blessed to have a man who always believed in you and who thought you were smart and beautiful and good. And that you were hoping that you can continue to prove him right, that he was right about you.” Well, – I think you ARE doing that… with tremendous grace and dignity and resilience.
Anyways, I hope that you will continue to stay true to who you are, to his memory and to what was important to both of you… (and that you will continue your online presence).
‘Wishing you a very merry Christmas, a prosperous new year…. and happy trails, always!
Best wishes, – Simone.
Nadine Wood says
Hi Lisa, its been a while. I wanted to wish you all the best for a fantastic holiday and here we are Christmas is over already.Did you have a nice Christmas? I wish you a fantastic New Year hope you have something nice planned! I also wanted let you know I’ll be sending you a little momento, hope it makes its way to you soon, let me know.
I’ve attempted to blog several times but its been busy as I’m sure you know. wanted to thank you,Pan Can and all the others for your efforts in getting Congress to pass this much needed, long awaited Bill. There are many patients and families that are very grateful to both Patrick and you for starting and continuing this fight. I truly believe your fame and famous faces along with your very hard work and perseverence is what made this all possible. Thank you on behalf of all those with PC! This can bring hope for early detection and better treatments in the not too distant future. A great Christmas present I can see Patrick smilin down sayin “you go girl, show em what you got”. I also wanted to say loved the pics in this particular blog, looks carefree, fun loving and playful, my fav the little girl kissing the horse. You have a great gift for expression, hope you keep bloggin withus in the New Year. All the best for new beginnings in 2013. Love, light n rainbows to you Lisa. XOXO Nadine
Nadine Wood says
Hey, wait a minute, just thought of somethin…uhm..was that little girl in the pic with the horse you??? or is this coincidence. very nice xoxo N
No, it wasn’t me! But in spirit, yes!
Michael Brown says
I just lost my wife on 12-23.I am going to try,to be like you strong.I was alone on Christmas nobody invited over.I just felt like everybody blame me for this.
So sorry for your loss. Truly.
My good friend Kay told me when I first lost Patrick that I get to do what I want, accept/decline invitations, change my mind at the last minute, etc. Basically, I get a get-out-of-jail-free card for the first year of grief. Frankly, it takes a lot longer to heal than that, but it’s great to give yourself the permission to do what you need to try to take care of yourself. And yes, there are simply things you can, and can’t do! Hang in there. Hang in there…
Michael Brown says
Thank You for kind words I know we will never meet we travel two in different worlds with the same grief .I am proud to call you a friend as I walk now on the same path as you.The link for my wifes obit is on my FB page and the funeral is on 1-2.She fought it for 10 months.
Loretta Mullen says
It will be 4 months on Jan 11 that I lost my husband of 36 yrs to liver CA. I still cry everyday and have the hope that this will ease as each month passes. I miss him so much but try to get up each day and take it one day at a time. I have tried a party here and there during the holidays or a club, but found out it may have been too soon. I am in a Grief-Share support group at a local church and we start back the middle of January. For those of you who haven’t given a support group a try, go for it. It’s one group where the words “I understand” mean alot. I do have days where I have hours where I might feel good but then I get “ambushed” by a thought, memory, place or something you never would have thought could send you into a state of sadness. I want to be that little happy-dancer again someday…I just want to be happy again one day.
I agree that talking to others that share the same type of loss can be the best thing you can do. I know that helped me tremendously.
Laura Wright says
Lisa- Where to start? I fell in love with your husband in Dirty Dancing but really when he cried on the Barbara Walters interview and when I read he said – his greatest fear was losing you- he became the definition of a real man to me. I have seen everything you both have been in and also lost the love of my life -10 years ago. He always told me how strong I was and to never compare our relationship to any other because it is impossible. When Patrick became ill- I knew you would do all you could and be strong. However- you may have felt like I did after? What happened to this strong woman I thought and he thought I was? Grief was my worst dance by far to this day. I wanted to send you yellow roses on the anniversary of his death- Texas:) but didn’t know how. You stood by his side and were really the backbone through all the years and the light in his eye. Yes- the grief seems to be gone and then wham! like an April shower out of nowhere- short and quick or a rainstorm that comes out of nowhere and lasts for days. I am a professional fundraiser and would be happy to donate time to raise money in his honor. Yes- we are strangers to you but as women who grieve- we all have the common love for a man who saw the best in us and was our biggest fan. No advice to give you- you already have it inside of you. All My Best- Laura
My best to you, too, Laura. Thank you.