Here I am at…uhm, I can’t remember which airport!
So. I’m adjusting to my “New Normal?” How about my “New Abnormal?” I flew all over the place last month. Seemed like I’d never touch down again, I’d only light on a branch, and only that for a moment.
I had a few speaking engagements, and meetings in September, and I was lucky enough to do something I’ve always wanting to do – airport hop in my airplane! So often you can get in a rut flying the same routes, so this shook me up, sharpened me up, and honed my flying skills to a shiny gleam. Ah, and it felt so good! Added on top of the challenges were open blue skies, beautiful sunsets, and the joy of a trip into Washington DC at night. So peaceful.
I felt free as a bird.
I was like an aeronautical cowgirl. Arriving at another airport, feeling easy – like I was going to unhitch my horse to take off to my next destination, and she (my plane) and I were going to keep each other great company along the way. When we landed, I’d tie her up, and she’d wait until we we’re ready to go again.
Patrick always said that one of the things he liked about flying was – he could pick when and where he landed. I never quite understood this pleasure of being in command of his destination. Until now.
I also had planned to fly the Bahamas. But Hurricane Issac changed that itinerary!
I wondered. Was I extricated myself from my “New Normal” life? Like a balloon cut loose? There have been so many things I’ve been exploring in how to find, and live in my new and strange life without my husband. This certainly was different. And wouldn’t you know it, here and there, the thought kept nagging that I should stop my trip, stop it and come back down to earth; that, for some reason, I wasn’t being practical to be so cut loose and fancy free. Not responsible. Fact is, I’ve rarely allowed myself that kind of freedom.
But maybe it was time I did!!
I wasn’t hurting anyone, not breaking the law, and I was having a great time! So, why couldn’t I do exactly what I was doing?
What makes me think that I have to conform to some kind of rigid life, like a member of the wonderful storyteller, Garrison Keeler’s, church in Lake Woebegone aptly named “Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility?”
Am I going to spiral out of control if I wander off the beaten path?
It’s so bright in the cockpit, I cover a window with newspaper so I can see my computer screen! I also had a stack of magazines, some sewing… Hah! Seemed I was always landing sooner than I wanted!
I have another widow friend who, after her husband died, decided she was going to get on a ship, and cruise the world. And after she was done, maybe she ‘d do it again. An acquaintance of hers looked at her sympathetically, and said, “Honey, you’re going to have to get off that boat sometime.” My friend (who has quite a bit of money) thought a moment, then shrugged, “No I don’t.”
And while not all of us have the money to cruise the world, why can’t we, in our own ways, go…just a little crazy? I say let’s do it!!!
So, okay, here. If I’m building a new life for myself, why not include things I really enjoy? And what if…what if it is just a little wild?
As October came, my trip winded up as I flew back West. I pulled up and hitched my plane at my ranch (where I petted some real horses, and fed carrots to them). I had come to miss all my animals terribly. And they were a very good reason to come back down to earth.
And yes, while on the ground, I did responsible things: ordered feed, booked the farrier, did some of my never-ending book keeping work… And you know what? After my trip, I had fun while I was doing it. I felt so blessed.
One of the lessons Patrick and I learned when he was sick was how valuable it is to stop to smell the roses. It was easy learning that with him, and now, I’m realizing that I’d have to learn how that lesson works for myself, on my own.
And I just thought of a new concept for living. I say we stay free, alive – and we show up for those we love.
Great for you Lisa…You DESERVE to do anything you want – especially if it is wild!!!
Thank you for another beautiful blog. I am approaching the 6 month mark without the love of my life and I know a few people around me have probably wanted to tell me to slow down. I have traveled by plane to 4 different states in the last few months racing my bike with my daughter. I have renovated a couple rooms in my house, and I continue to run the business that I shared with my husband alone. Quite frankly, I didn’t even know I could accomplish half of what I have done. we always led a crazy busy life but always made time to stop and smell the roses. I am not sure how to adjust to this new normal but I know every day that my feet must touch the floor because I can hear Tommy in my ear saying , you can do this. Please continue to share.
I hear you. Hang in there. I think it’s great to do different things. Hard sometimes, but great. It’s putting one foot in front of the other. XL
6 months–How well i remember. Always felt like tomorrow would never come, or maybe that was just wishful thinking, and now, almost 4 years later., it all still seems like yesterday. With the exception that I don’t miss him quite as bad, I don’t visit the cemmetary quite as often, and I want him to have the peace that only I can give him by moving forward. Keeping him in my heart, and making him proud of me because i have refused to stay in sadness, sorrow, and pity because he’s gone. I have lost my best friend but he will always be a big part of who I am and although I will let go and move on I must remember that I am not the only one at a loss.
One thing I have learn by keeping in touch with Lisa’s Blog, is that I’m not alone, at a loss, but not alone. And when “normal people” don’t understand I have a place to go, where people do understand. They don’t care if I rich or poor, what I own or don’t own, or if I’m educated or not. But they understand and care and share anyway. If they don’t know or haven’t made it that far in their lose, they listen anyway, They laugh with me, cry with me are truly happy for me and this is what counts. That even in our lose we can care about one another, be thankful for the lessons we learn and share them with one another and give honor to those we’ve lost by learning to live again.
I just never liked the idea of not being able to get out of a plane, like ya can a car, so I don’t think I’ll ever fly. But I don’t have too. I can read all about the beauty, and the freedom and the joy Lisa receives from flying and to me it’s the same. Another blessing. I’ve told people that i am friends with Patrick Swayze’s wife and that we share what we’ve gone through. I get the strangest looks like I’ll bet. So now I just say my friend , Lisa , says this or that and noone is the wiser.
Just remember, to all who have losed a loved one, someone does care, and know exactly how you feel, and has made it through, experiencing new things, new worlds, that we just kinda let fly by, but there is nothing more important than to talk, share, help yourself by helping others andremember that sometimes forever is sooner than we think and then what? ” I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up?” Neither did Lisa, but trying to figure it out is an experience I wouldn’t want to change, unless I could have my husband home but i know that’s not going to happen. So we must trudge, share, care and try new things. God bless you all and thank you all for being a blessing and a friend.
You said it, Girl! And thank YOU! L
Joan, did you retry “friending” me on Facebook? Please try again…..I would love to be friends. Thanks. Love, Barbara
Several times. Well here goes my name on Fb is JoanClatterbuckMcCardleKnight might be easier if you find me. I pray you are doing well. GOD BLESS YOU AND BE A BLESSING.
Joan, we are now friends!!!
Please drop me a note if you ever decide to give flight lessons!
Ha, ha!
No, No — I’m serious! You’re gonna need a good co-pilot and I’ll only wake you up if we’re going down!
Hah!
Hi Lisa! I hadn’t realized you were blogging again! How on earth did I miss that?! I love reading your blog posts! Trust that your encouraging, and honest take on life works wonders in so many ways. I haven’t lost a spouse, but have been dealing with a kind of grief nonetheless. Grief is grief, I believe. I had surgery earlier in the year and there were unforeseen injuries during that surgery and required me to have more surgery. Like I said, I know it’s not the same, but I can relate to the “new normal”…or better put, “abnormal.” Especially recently, I have been having some physical difficulties and it makes me angry and mad and sad all over again. Some days are good and some days are bad. I’ll never be the way I was before that surgery…. :-/
Don’t mean to sound like I’m having a pity party, I’m not! 🙂 I just want you to know that you sharing your experiences help in more ways that you may realize – and I know I’m grateful for that!!!
Be well!!! I recently read a quote from a favorite music artist of mine, and he said, “The sky is not my limit. I am.” So, you keep flying and go wherever you’d like…and land when you’re ready!!!!
{{{{hugs}}}}
Thanks for writing! Sending you the best, L
Dear Lisa: You are free to do what he pleases. I envy it about flying, and I would like that I Deira one turn for some beautiful place.
The seen in some photos very well accompanied by his friend, and I hope this stage of your life is full of happiness.
I love the picture of the horses in happy days. I hope that his days are equal to his New Mexico Ranch.
Greetings from Spain.
hold your head up and stay happy lisa swayze
Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate anybody from love . Be happy Xxxx
Dear Lisa….You always make me feel so good.I am going through the same stuff…For me the new normal is uncomfortable..But I m trying to overcome it. I will be working Purple Stride in Philly. Saturday..I was a professional. fundraising for 15 years and when Tony died I gave it up. I have been going back.a little at a time with my animal charity Passion 4 Pets and my job Domestic Violence case manager now I going to the big one.Pancreatic Cancer has to have a cure I am jumping in the deep end…Thank you for your help..
Oh yes!!!!! Live and Love! You can keep changing letter for letter and they still spell the same, they just change places. So sometimes you live and love and sometimes you love and live. Either way, it’s a good thing both for yourself and those around you.………can also be highly contagious! Let’s hope they never find a cure for this! You look wonderful Lisa! xxx
Hah! Thanks, L
Do you always travel alone? To me that would be very lonesome and depressing. But to each his own.
Think I would have a co-pilot with me in case of trouble, God can’t be everyone’s co-pilot at the same time.
Just sayin’, we have to be safe.
I love flying with another person, but unfortunately I lost my co-pilot when I lost Patrick! I still enjoy flying though, and this trip confirmed just how much I still love it.
Good for you Lisa ! I admire your courage and your strength to go on as you have. I never remember hearing alot about your marriage to Patrick other than the fact that the two of you married and had a great relationship and life together. It seemed you chose to keep your personal life private as do many celebritites, which I respect that. I’m not sure that I could have that kind of strength that you’ve shown and to be able to go on as you’ve done. Patrick was a truly a great person to all his fans, me being one of his biggest fans ! You guys had a true love story. I recently read online where his Mother finally spoke out to tell her feelings and share photos. God bless her and you also for sharing with us about him …. about your life together. Patrick was one of my favorite actors. It seems in every movie I ever saw him in there was at least one scene where he gave ( what I call that Swayze Look). You know where he would make a sudden move in a scene then turn his head back to look from the scene before…. ? I call it the Swayze Look. I just wonder if that was just in his movies or was it just “him” ?
I wish you the best and I know you feel blessed to have had him in your life all these years. You had what so many women, myself included, wished we had . I seemed to always make the wrong choices and when I did meet a man that I felt was the one it didn’t work out for different reasons. Even though he’s gone now and I attended his Memorial Service and he was the love of my life … my second husband. I’ve never forgotten my feelings for him or the good times we did share together. I’m currently divorced, have been since 1992 and have pretty much given up on men. Although at the same time I would like to have someone to spend time with and be there for each other but I can’t seem to find a way to trust again. I’m in my mid 50’s and my aunt keeps telling me I’m too young to give up. In the past 6 years I’ve lost my mom in 2006 , my only sister in 2009 and then my Dad in March of this year. I’m the only one left. I do have a daughter who lives over 300 miles away and she has her own family and life and I’m lucky if I get to see her once a year. We do talk but that’s not enough. I feel alone most of the time.
Please tell me …. how do you deal with feelings like that? I’m struggling financially as I’m on disability , can’t work anymore and what I get on SSI is barely enough to cover the monthly bills, with barely nothing to live on the rest of the month. I’m stuck in depression since losing my Dad just a few months ago and trying to make financial adjustments. I don’t know how people do it.
Sorry … didn’t mean to get into all that but I guess I just needed to put it out there to someone that might understand at least part of it. If you have any words of encouragement that might help me I sure would appreciate it. But my main reason for writing this was to continue to encourage you and let you know that Patrick was well loved by his fans and he was a wonderful person and I think you are too. I admire how you’ve managed to go on with your life. How do you find the strength and ambition to do it? I’d really like to know!
Best wishes to you and God bless you !
Ann F.
I “go on” by putting one foot in front of the other. We find a way. And sometimes we need a little help – from friends, from reading something inspiring, having someone to talk to… Life can be so hard sometimes, and eventually it’s a good thing to be reminded that happiness begins inside of us, and emanates out to our world from there. Best, L
I hope you don’t mind me commenting. But after you have lost that soul mate. You are never really alone, but you need time to collect your thoughts, remember all the things you were told never to forget, forget all the things that don’t really matter, and most of all find a new course to travel. If you should decide to find someone to fill the void, you still can’t forget who you are where you came from and that you or should I say Lisa was taught, learned and listen, as well as practiced what she was taught by flying on her own, so, I just don’t see why or what help having someone with her would do. I am sure just by her adventures, although, being new at being alone, she still has much confidence in herself, her instructor, her husband, and God. Being home alone seem much more uncomfortable than to do and try new things, or things I enjoy. I, myself, love riding motorcycles and stopped after my Bud passed, because that was or is no place for a woman to be without someone with me, and I haven’t ridden in 2 year????? I still can figure out what I was thinking….. I’ve missed 2 years of enjoying my life, doing what I like to do for self pity, fear that wasn’t even real and anger at someone that stopped in front of me and then, laughed. Never looking at the fact I didn’t drop the bike, He laughed but who looked like the ass. Not me, I did everything I was suppose too and went on home but still allowed my loss to take over, instead of doing what was right 4 me. I don’t know if I’ll ever choose to get involved with someone else, but I know that if I don’t it’s not the end of the world and I kinda like spending time with myself. Sorry to bend your ear but this has been on my heart for a while now.
Hi Lisa – I have just read both your books “Time of my Life” and “Worth Fighting For”. You and Patrick were so brave and most of the time I was in tears. You are an inspiration to so many people.; Thank you for letting me into your lives – you have made me strong enough to realise that I can cope too. I was devastated when Patrick lost his fight against cancer, but the other side of the coin was the way you both dealt with it – it was awesome as you say in America (I’m from UK!!).
I know you feel a bit better now, but of course you will always have your memories which are so precious. I wish you all the best for the future. I guess you have good and bad days, but as time goes by, you probably have more good days.
I hope you will be very happy in the future and I think of you often. Thank you again.
Love
Liz x
Hello Lisa,
I love your blog….I am afraid of heights and yet, I love to fly…you are so fortunate to be able to ‘hitch up and go’
It seems that sometimes people expect us to be ‘responsible’ and that translates to ‘ fit the mould ‘..I’ve discovered camping and, at 62, am having the best time. Off to Queensland in 2 days bush camping on a 30,000 hectare station..friends are travelling 1200kms down from Townsville and we are travelling 1200kms up from Adelaide to meet them…we haven’t been together for over 11 years are very excited that the plan is coming together….. The photos are great and I am very glad that you had such a terrific time…thank you for sharing with us.
Best wishes always Cherrylmaree
PS: my gorgeous hubby bought me a special port-a-potty ( no ‘accidents’ along the way this time )
Lisa
That is what I am doing now,keeping busy,and I did take off work to be with my wife too the end.Like you I have to do the same thing with our horses and rearranging furniture to keep busy .Sometimes I just sit outside and enjoy life.I listen to you because I have some really good days and some really bad days and you are helping me get thru this. I am going down the same path , you are big help to me .Thank You
Thank you for your candor. I’m in love with a widow of my childhood friend, and I’m trying to understand her grief. Thank you for helping me understand why she does what she doesh e’s going a little crazy, and I agree with you. Why not, if you can? Happy Halloween sweetie.
BEAUTIFUL PICTURES…. I LOVE HORSES BUT FELL OFF ONE
AND BROKE MY ARM WHEN I WAS YOUNGER SO THERE IS A
LITTLE BIT OF FEAR AS WELL. YOU SEEM SO MUCH MORE
CAREFREE AND HAPPY AND I CAN TELL THAT IN YOUR WRITING.
THIS TIME. I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. IT IS GOOD TO HEAR FROM
YOU AND THAT YOU ARE DOING WELL. WE ARE TAKING A ROAD
TRIP FOR A FEW DAYS AS THE 4TH/NOV WILL BE 7 YEARS SINCE
MY LOSE. BUT I MADE A PROMISE TO DO A SPECIFIC THING AND
I HAVE KEPT IT FOR THIS YEAR WILL BE 7 YEARS AND I WILL CONTINUE
TO KEEP IT BASICALLY BECAUSE IT WAS SORTA A GOOFY PROMISE
SO IT ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH. YOU TAKE CARE. YOUR IN THOUGHTS
AND PRAYERS. GOD BLESS.
Dear Lisa!
Thanks for sharing all your wonderful photos with us! Your new concept is so right… and you always have your Dear Buddy with you …deep in your heart! And he helps you in so many ways…!!! You are a very special , beautiful and lovely Lady….!!
Sending you a big Hug from Germany….
All the Best always from Regine
Dear Lisa,
reading your new blog i can see you are very happy and i just want to tell you i´m glad about you. You looks so beautiful and relax in the photos and and that´s what makes me feel good for you.You deserve it more than anyone to be happy.And that´s why i saying you don´t be afraid of your new life and enjoy it as much as you can…
Patrick surely would want to see you are ok.He will always be in your heart with you Lisa.I´m sure you still feel his presence in every step you take and your memories nobody can take them away from you….
I wish you from the bottom of my heart all of the happiness in the world lady.
Your horses are so gorgeous and they looks so nice and happy as you does!
Thank you for sharing your life.I´m always learning a new lesson from you.
Sending you a lot of love and big hugs from the Czech Republic
You’re right, we must stay alive for those who are not longer here, and would like we continue to honor them moving forward
It’s really beautiful, and also the pics are so relaxing.
I’m happy you’re finding your ways.
Go on Lisa!!
God Bless you!!
And never give up!!
Nadia.
Be free to do whatever makes you happy. Whatever makes you feel alive!
It is a pleasure to read your blogs. This is a good one an it makes me happy!
Hey Lisa,
I posted to your FB. I have 2 Pictures from Walden Pond…. had to be roses, had to be red and could only be 3 of them. Your co-pilot is still with you. When the air is smooth, the PT6’s are humming in unison, your DME is showing some distance to your next fix he is right with you all the way.
Without a doubt, I love this metaphor!
I LOVED reading this blog, Lisa! (I love reading all of your blogs, but this one especially because it makes me so happy!) 🙂 I’m so glad you are having such a wonderful time flying and exploring again!
As Mother Teresa says,
“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
As always, much, much love to you! XXX
PS. Beautiful pictures!
Dear Lisa it’s beautiful thinking if you changing life, exploring the world like you would living wild young and free!
Thus is the point; in the pictures you seemed free , young and wild!
Your face found peace.
I just finish watching dawn steel with mu mom: you and Patrick were beautiful there! We wondered if sometimes you watch Patrick’s movies maybe in your sofa with your dogs….. Eh??
It’s hard living without your soul mate, my mom told to me! I told her: yes this is true.
Bout you have found a new way of live.
Keep going Lisa. It’s not time yet , Patrick needs to wait you for so many years…
Kisses from Italy
Serena
Hi Lisa,
If I had half the energy as you do, I’d be one happy gjrl, lol!
Your horses are really beautiful animals as well!
All the best x
Hi Lisa
So pleased to read you are on the good life steps going forward with your life, time comes when you need to feel alive again and in touch wiyh your energy for life and living it , a bit of going wild and enjoying yourself is living again and you keep at it as it will only get better.
It’s feeling peace and comfort in yourself again and meeting new challenges in life that make you want to feel alive, also other new people and new friends too will also get you living again.
Just you keep on going Lisa life gets better and you will find memories make you smile and they dont hurt anymore it’s as if you feel your loved one pushing you forward telling you grab life be happy live it, very strange but thats what I felt going through my loss a feeling of being thrown forward into a good place in my life it took time but it’s great to feel alive again and with no guilt as if my grieving time had faded away and happy times where around me more.
God bless you Lisa keep moving forward lots of love Julie xxox
Hi Lisa,
I love to see you flying in your plane. I think make trips is wonderful and more when oneself can pilot and to go where one wished. You’re a lucky woman because you can to do everything you want, though you thought you haven’t got a co-pilot now, you will have it always. When the sun’s light shined , when the blue of the sky be more beautiful than never , when you arrived safe at your destination, you must think that you co-pilot is with you and help you now and always. Follow with a foot in front the other and you’ll get it, i’m sure of that. And not forget dancing from time to time, you’re a wonderful dancer and wonderful flyer. I love the caribbean and you look so beautiful in the pic. And your girls (horses) are beautiful in the prairie. Go on Lisa, travel , dancing, flying , we waited for you in this blog forever.
Love and best wishes for you as always Lisa.
Maite Sánchez
And yes, thank you, I am very lucky. XL
My husband is a bush pilot in Alaska and we day dream about making our way across the lower 48, stopping at friendly FBO’s and small town airports along the way. How cool to choose freedom from complete “agenda”, while keeping your skills sharp, with joy. You are brave and beautiful Lisa. Let life flow!
One thing I learned from going through Patrick’s illness with him – don’t wait to do the things you want to do. Life is here to embrace. And there’s no time like the present to embrace it, and the ones we love!
Thank you LIsa! Your words are well timed and taken to heart. Lilly
Hi Lisa,
I enjoyed reading about your latest adventure and your love of flying.
My father was a pilot earlier in his life and then became an aircraft mechanic. He loved planes and always told me that it feels so different when you are in control of a plane and view the world from above.
Your dogs and all your animals must have been so excited to have you back home again.
It is great that you felt free and took the time to enjoy life and had a good time.
Stay well and start planning for your next journey!
Ann
My father was a pilot earlier in his life and then became an jet mechanic also. After he retired, he and my mother would sit outside and just watch the planes come over their house(they lived under the flight path of Houston’s Intercontinental airport). When I was in Junior High, I wanted him to teach me to fly small planes…he told me he didn’t want me in the air, that I got into tooo much trouble on the ground. This is coming from a man that we now have to hire have caregivers to watch after him to keep him out of trouble at the “retirement community” he now lives in…… I sure wish I had talked him into teaching me fly way back when I first wanted to. Oh well,,,,,such is life.
Lisa,
Wow you have been having some great adventures, good for you! Long may they continue… Hope all goes well at pan can event today am sure it will.
BTW stunning picture of you on what looks like a beach you look amazing and you don’t seem to age at all!! I on the other hand am almost 39 and look about 65!!! LOL
Much love & hugs as always Joanna xxx
Ya still have Patrick’s boxing gloves????? I think ya need to put Kirtie Alley’s name on the end on one and hit the bag a few times.
Lol.
Dear Lisa,
There is so much I want to say…I’ll start by saying how impressed I am of you! You express yourself so beautifully and you have the ability to help your audience to really understand what you are going through, even though you may not completely understand it yourself. I had lost my dad to cancer a couple years ago and that was my first real close loss. Since his death, I had decided to put my nursing cap back on and work for hospice. I love being there with the patients and their families to encourage them and support them through what probably is one of the most difficult times they will ever go through in their lives. I was always a huge fan of Patrick- he was truly the real deal, the whole package consisting of sensitivity and strength- and I can see why he loved you so. You have been blessed with many gifts (dancer, pilot, writer- just to name a few!) and we are blessed that you are sharing those gifts and your life with us. You remind me to hug and kiss my husband a little more each day. Thank you and God bless you!
Dana, God Bless you for going back into nursing, especially HOSPICE!! Not just anyone can do that type of work. I think if my Mom had been assigned to Hospice sooner, she would have died more peacefully. She only lasted one week after being in Hospice care and they were such a blessing to our family!! You go girl!!
Thankyou for your kind heart and talent.
Lisa,
A little unrelated to the post, but I wanted to let you know how much your book, Worth Fighting For, is touching me right now. I’m caring for my 42 year old husband, the love of my life, as he fights a very aggressive metastic cancer. There are times I feel like I’m bearing the unbearable, but as I’m reading your book I know that you’ve been through everything I’m going through and somehow I know that if you have done it, I can too. And I trust you precisely because you’ve never sugar-coated any part of the process. I know it wasn’t an easy book to write…..thank you for that gift.
Wishing you the best in yours, and your husband journey. You can do it. And love deeply as you do. Just try to take of yourself, too!
Hi Lisa,
Great photos! Sounds like you had a busy time! I think it’s great that you do so much for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network! Feeling free as a bird must be a great feeling. I can imagine you felt like you had to stop your trip and come back down to earth but sometimes you just have to give yourself that gift of freedom. And you deserve it, Lisa! You really do!
Go just a little crazy in our own ways? Sounds great! Yes, you should include the things you really enjoy in your new life! And if that is a little wild it’s great, that’s what makes it more fun, right? I’d say: Go for it!
To stop and smell the roses is such an important lesson but so many people forget about it. During schooldays I live in a small apartment in The Hague but I don’t really like living there. It’s a big city and you hear noises all day long, grocery shopping is nightmare because people keep bumping into me haha. But when I go home during the weekend I ‘stop and smell the roses’ because at home I can relax. I live only 500 metres from the estuary(is that the right word?) and when I go there for a walk I realize how beautiful life is.
I think it’s so cool that you fly an airplane!!! In 2 days I’ll be flying to Austria for an Irish dancing competition ( Nervous!!! )and wouldn’t it be cool if I could fly there myself?
Again, I really admire you for all the things you do for PanCAN and raising awareness for Pancreatic cancer! And flying your own plane? You’re like Superwoman! I wish I could do more but I can’t write my senator as I am not from the US. I did take the pledge and I’m thinking about ordering some merchandise because I saw they also ship to other countries. For as far I know, my country (the Netherlands) doesn’t have an organization such as PanCAN but we do have organizations that include pancreatic cancer in their researches and I support them, and also because one of them is an organization for diseases of the digestive system such as Crohn’s disease which runs in my family. My grandmother died of Pancreatic Cancer in 1995 and back then I was only 7 years old and I remember and will never forget that it took her in less than 4 weeks. My dad just told me that the doctors did operate on her but it came back just one day after the surgery. So therefore I know how agressive this cancer is and that makes me even more appreciative of everything you do to raise awareness!! As we say in the Netherlands; Ga zo door! ( Keep up the good work!)
Love,
Ineke
Dear Lisa, In reading all of these messages to you I realize that they are all, or most of them, from women whose husbands have died of cancer, or a close family member who has died from cancer. There are times when I feel kind of “out of the loop” because my grief is because my 30-year-oldest son was killed instantly in a car accident, leaving 4-year-old Nic and 3-month-old Zac and his wife, Terri 11 years ago. My grief is so different than yours and, thus, I feel kind of guilty for writing. This is the first time I have admitted this, and I am sorry that it took me so long. The fact that my husband and I are still married after 44 years is a miracle. There were times when we just could NOT help one another because our individual pain was, as you stated very well, on a cellular level. That left no room for anyone else needing me or for me needing him. I know how very much you and Buddy meant to one another over the years. The only reason I can say this is that my husband and I have meant the same, otherwise we would never be together. I guess the REAL reason that I am writing to you is to say that I didn’t mean to “have a fake grief.” I just had my own, and hurt is hurt, no matter what!! So, my friend, I hope that you can forgive me for the “deception” of the origin of my grief. I also hope that you continue to spread your beautiful wings and not to limit yourself by any kind of label (“new normal, new abnormal, etc.). There is NOT one person who “fits in a box” of pre-labeled descriptions. Please, DO NOT let yourself feel that you in any way whatsoever have to conform to life, to its mysteries, to its gifts, to its generous sharing of people who are put in your path in your lifetime, to any of your memories, etc. I just hope that you can remember, BECAUSE THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT, SOMETHING THAT YOU SAID AFTER YOUR BUDDY DIED: I was so blessed to have someone in my life who thought that I was beautiful, smart, and a good person. Lisa, you are ALL of those things and so much more!! I hope that you can forgive me for sharing the grief of my son, not the grief of a husband. I have no right, but am SO proud of you!! Love, Karen.
Hi Lisa,
There’s such a difference in your tone in this blog…..light and airy and bound together with ribbons of hope. Something has changed for you and I’m intrigued that you’ve been able to uncovered a path that has helped you to work through your grief, harness it and slowly and agonizingly move it to its proper place in your life. I think your blog is summed up in your understanding of Patrick’s wish to choose when and where he lands……a parallel about taking control of your destiny if you will…………..and it seems now you are open to embracing this same freedom of choice that brought Patrick such comfort. There’s something about coming full circle here. You flew together and found joy in life together, and now bits of that life are helping you discover that the joys still exist, but hidden under a different cover.
You inspire……..
Nancy
So glad you see a bit of sunshine in this blog. Some of my friends note that my blogs are sad (they’re just concerned and want me to be happy)! Well? What can I say? That’s what’s been up for me. But I am glad you saw that this one has a ray of light. As you said (and I agree!) – “light and airy and bound together with ribbons of hope.” Nice.
Yay!
Lisa,
You are such an inspiration to strong women. Hope you know that I am rooting for you to Write, Direct, Choreograph and Dance in the future. Art is the deepest and the oldest form of healing. The book ” The Artist Way” could help you keep on track. You Can Do It!!!
After reading your book and hearing that you can fly a plane and ride a motorcyle in NYC, lifted my spirits. Than to read that you had written,directed and acted in a succesful movie ( deeply moving by the way) and ride horses proffesionally, well I’ve never know anyone who could do that….
I wish you well on your journey
Julie
Hi Lisa,
I love to see you flying in your plane. I think make trips is wonderful and more when oneself can pilot and to go where one wished. You’re a lucky woman because you can to do everything you want, though you thought you haven’t got a co-pilot now, you will have it always. When the sun’s light shined , when the blue of the sky be more beautiful than never , when you arrived safe at your destination, you must think that you co-pilot is with you and help you now and always. Follow with a foot in front the other and you’ll get it, i’m sure of that. And not forget dancing from time to time, you’re a wonderful dancer and wonderful flyer. I love the caribbean and you look so beautiful in the pic. And your girls (horses) are beautiful in the prairie. Go on Lisa, travel , dancing, flying , we waited for you in this blog forever.
Love and best wishes for you as always Lisa.
Ps, It’s the same comment that was awaiting moderation, for that i send you other time.
Maite Sánchez
Thank you. Lisa
Hi Lisa, Hope all is well with you. Things here are back to normal for me but the devastation from the aftermath of hurricane Sandy has really affected many people in New Jersey and here on Long Island; family and friends included. The damage due to high winds and flooding is overwhelming and heartbreaking and is still being felt even now. After going without power, heat, hotwater, phone/internet services for 9 days, it makes one realize the everyday comforts that we all take for granted. I feel very fortunate as there are still those without electricity. Many have lost their homes and others were evacuated with no chance of returning until after Thanksgiving, some not until Christmas. I continue to pray for those who were affected by this disaster. Anyway I just wanted to let you know I still to continue to read your blog. You have had a certain glow about you especially recently. You look happy, carefree and youthful. Glad to see you moving on, continuing your life and learning to enjoy things again. Do what you love and enjoy each moment. You so deserve it. Remember Patrick will always be with you, to guide and protect you. Sending rainbows your way, Love, Light n hugs. Nadine
My best to you, Nadine. XL
Thank you Lisa 🙂 xoxo. Nadine
Es cierto eso de que es fácil aprender con otro a “detenerse a oler las rosas”, tarea muy difícil en mi caso aprender a hacerlo sola. Intento, pero aún no logro disfrutar su aroma sin mi madre.
Un abrazo
Cynthia
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