At the pit wall, with headset on.
I don’t know about me, but my two widow friends looked hot in their fire suits. And that Saturday, Little Red came back into the pit after standing outside for awhile, and I saw that she was teetering on the edge of some emotion.
“There was a driver out there. A really good-looking driver,” she said, “And he was talking to me, and looked at my outfit, and said, ‘You look cute in that. You really look cute.’”
Hot tears sprung from her eyes, and her fingers flew to her lips to shorten a sob that was already escaping.
It was the first time since her husband had died, that Little Red felt like she was still attractive. She, like the Lady M and I, have all felt a bit like our lives were over, the wear and tear of fighting illness, and grief, having taken a toll on our psyches, and in the lines on our faces, let alone the nagging sense that a big part our spirit, the best part of it, died along with our husbands.
And then, here’s a sunny day, and a good-lookin’ driver sayin’, “You look cute. You look really cute!” Little did that driver know what he did for Little Red.
Back at the hotel, later that night, I downloaded my photos on to my computer, and called over to them, “Come! Look at you two. You guys look like Charlie’s Angels!” I wanted them to see what everyone else was seeing.
The Lady M & Little Red, newly suited up, & striding out like "Charlie's Angels!"
The Lady M peered at the photo, and then, it was her turn to get teary. She pulled back, and stood up, “Oh…I look how I used to look. No, really, I…” she sputtered, “I thought I’d never look like that again.” And her tears came.
“I never told you this,” she looked at me, “but when I first met you after your husband died, I was having dinner with my mother afterwards, and I told her, ‘Oh, my God, that’s what I’m going to look like.”
I wasn’t offended. I didn’t look good then. In a earier conversation, the Lady M had already told me that she had thought I looked like a pretty woman – a pretty woman who had just been hit by a truck. I had seen pictures of myself during that time, and I concurred. And as much as I hated those photos, I had to give myself a break , I mean – I had a damn good reason for looking like that.
“I never thought I’d look like myself again,” the Lady M was hopeful. And it wasn’t that she was beautiful in the photo (which she was), but there was a quality of freshness, an alive softness. She looked…innocent. Like nothing really bad had ever happened.
My two beautiful widow friends were seeing that it might be possible to heal in ways they doubted they ever would. And dare we believe, that life itself may yield possibilities for us again?
The last pit stop!
Sunday morning. We high-tailed it back to the track, and the screaming engines, for the last hours left in the race. It had been a hard one, but the team was hanging in there, strong. We’re in the pit, in our fire suits, and we just had more photos taken of us…The Lady M leaned in to remark to Little Red, and me,
“I’ve had ball gowns I haven’t gotten this much pleasure out of.”
Chief mechanic, Alex, got a little dirty when the transmission blew all over him!
We started to count down the seconds as our “Heart” car raced towards the finish. And when the timer hit “0,” there were cheers, high-fives, and hugs all around. Our car had finished in the top 26! We finished! And with broad smiles, we piled over the wall to admire our battle-scarred car, and take pictures with everyone.
And finally…
I got to sit in the car.
Our taped-up car, after it hit the wall.
John shakes Davy's hand at the finish.
Monday morning. After another late night, we dragged ourselves to the airport to head back to Houston; a little worse for wear than when we arrived on Friday. But give us widows one good night of sleep, and we are good to go again. On Tuesday morning, we bid adieu to each other, and I smiled as started up my plane to head back to New Mexico. It was a beautiful, rainy day.
I had a good dream last night. And in this dream, I felt…loved.
I have lots to do when I get home…
And I am determined to save up my money to take a driving course.
Wow great blog again, Lisa! And you look great in that suit ! 🙂
Xx
Hi Lisa
Great blog again and yes you three did look HOT! in your fire suits, and your friend Red is a beautiful young lady it’s great to be told so though and I bet that it really did touch her heart strings as it’s a lovely feeling to hear after all the grief and pain you have felt it really gives you a kick.
Your pics are great and you lovely angels look as if you had a good time, it’s great you have friends like Red and Lady M they are getting as much support from you as you are giving to them sending love to you all love Julie
You’re such a good writer, it’s like reading a short story. We as readers, get to share your adventures..you go girls!!!
Beautiful and emotional what I read.
You’re three fantastic woman, and so determined.
I’m happy you enjoy your time together.
Take care.
With Love <3
Nadia.
All three of you lovely ladies should be so proud of the way you look you are all gorgeous and don’t you ever think otherwise.
You should do a driving course it would be so fun to do and it’s one of those things you can tick off the list and say “I’ve done that”.
Oh and I love the picture of the widows of Eastwicks brooms!!
Lorna. Xx
Dear Lisa
It’ so nice you’re sharing your trip “outside the comfort zone” with us! It must take a lot of courage to push the edges of the own envelope – “chapeau”! You don’t know how YOU look like in the fire suit? I can tell you that: You look very hot! You three are looking very hot! You’re the real power-trio! …There were 3 Angels of Charly and you definitely are the third one! 🙂
I’m happy for “Little Red”, that she got this flattering compliment from a really good-looking driver 🙂
I hope, you had a save flight back home! And I wish you more good dreams…
Loving hugs and take care
Nicole
Wow, what a great ending to the “Widows” journey in Daytona! Great pictures! You, Lady M, and Little Red are beautiful! And, Lisa, you ARE loved. SO much, by SO many…especially all of us on here! 🙂
BTW: You sound like my mom! She LOVES racing, and would LOVE to take a driving course! Haha! She and my grandpa did the “Richard Petty Driving Experience” at Charlotte Motor Speedway. Mom did a ride-along with a driver, and my grandpa actually drove by himself around the track!
Looking forward to reading your next journey “outside the comfort zone!”
As always, much love to you! XX
Hello Lisa,
Congratulations on top 26 🙂 Of my husband is Porsche its favourite car. It is in former times also with a Porsche driving car run.All three looks really out like three angels for Charlie. Already make me happy on your great new adventures stories and pictures. Thank you for this 🙂 Still does snow lie in new Mexico?
In Amberg (Germany) we have snow and is very coldly -20.
Love Greetings from Amberg
Simone
PS: Sorry for my not so good English 🙂
Dear Lisa,
Congratulations on the Daytona Speedway Widow’s Challenge!
I have read “The Time of My Life” and just yesterday finished “Worth Fighting For.” Both are excellent and so touching. My heart continues to goes out to you for your loss of Patrick. I lost my brother on September 8,1995 after ten years of a rare form of cancer that started with a primary site brain tumor, hemangiopericytoma (HPC). I was familiar with some of the medical terms in “Worth Fighting For” but I related completely to getting through bad moments of grief one momnet at a time.
And now there is the loss of Whitney Houston. My favorite video on Youtube is the one where you and Patrick danced at the World Music Awards in 1994 to her song, “All the Man I Need.” It was a stunning performance. Both of you must have worked very hard to make it look so easy and so beautiful. I would really like to know where you got the dress you wore for that dance.
In October 2011, I did the 1 Mile PurpleStride for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network in St. Louis, MO. I plan to do the walk again in 2012, 2013, etc… Is there any chance you will be coming to St. Louis as part of a book tour for “Worth Fighting For?” Or for any other reason? I know you are UBER-BUSY but I would so enjoy meeting you and I’m sure many others would as well.
Thank you very much for all the HOPE that you bring to everyone living with pancreatic cancer, to their caregivers, and friends. Thank you also for having your website and allowing for blogs.
Sincerely,
Carol
Lisa,
thank you for sharing those Daytona adventures, seems like you really had a great time!
The three of you look just GREAT in your suits, no wonder you turned some heads 😉 !
Love reading your blog, your good example in dealing with your life made me realize I have been
hiding out in my comfort zone lately (I tend to do that before follow-ups, and another one is looming…).
So tomorrow I am going to see if I can find myself one of them brooms and kick some a.. !
All the best to you, and keep posting!
Annette
It is so wonderful how you let us in and share the real you. for one reason or another many of us go through things in life that cause us to feel bad about our self. What we walk through we wear and others see.With the care and support of others we can walk through it and be OK. Some times it has to be pointed out for us to see it. Like with Little Red. You are awesome and loved by many. Thanks for being you.
Dear Lisa, you look very beautiful in your blue suit.
Thank you for sharing your private journey.I apreciate your sencerity and honesty that you always writes.
That´s what i always admired for you and Patrick because both of you were such a good people…
I am happy you are ok
My love and hugs to you
I know you know what I am saying when I make that remark about loving as best we can.
.
As you know beneath all of these words( yours, mine and others facing this cancer battle) is a deep at artesian well of feelings that no one can really know unless they have walked this road.
I am still trying to get the nerve up to read your book. I haven’t even been able to read Patrick’s Time of My Life yet. I just can’t let myself cry that much YET.
In reading your blog I get more and more courage each day to face what we have to face. I loved your blog about the racing… TALK ABOUT going outside of comfort zone I do a few more of things by myself now when my husband is not up to it I took a painting class yesterday….first one ever. I have decided to go out of comfort zone NOW while my husband is still with me,maybe to protectmyself from the blow I do’t know. Maybe itis because I have to generate more income now since he is unable to work much but what ever it is it helps me get up everyday.
I went to the Phoenix International Raceway by myself and watched time trials. It was amazing to actually “feel” the thunder of the cars.I had a pit pass and spoke to some drivers and pit guys…awesome photos although I have no idea how to get them off my phone. It was a very cool time, and of course I felt cool just being there. And I feel special being here on this blog.
Thank you for sharing this is really gooood stuff.
Hug, Cathy
Hi Lisa,
I am glad you had a good time .You are such an inspiration to everybody . By the way I am 20 years old girl and i have to say you are a very very beautiful woman. Not just on the outside but inside too. You should be so proud of you. Take care of yourself , I send you a big kiss and hug
Hello Lisa, muy bueno su relato. Leo asidualmente su blog y todo lo que llega a mí y piendo que puede ayudarme a superar la ausencia de mi mamá, aunque aún se me hace difícil y no sé que está bien o qué está mal, cómo seguir? necesito consejos! ante me los daba mi madre, ahora que ell ano esstá a i lado no tengo a quién pedírselos. Por ejemplo. cuánto tiempo después de la muerte de Patrick pudo sacar sus cosas de la casa? Yo aún conservo el cuarto de mamá tal cual ella lo dejó, creo que si regalo su ropa o cambio las cosas de lugar es algo que me haría mal a mi y por otra parte no me animo. Sacar sus cosas de la casa sería como hacer que ella nunca estuvo acá, no sé. Si algo me causa gracia me pregunto de qué me río? y luego paso de la risa a un llanto histérico y no puedo parar. Mi familia, o lo poco que queda de ella no me entiende, la única que lo hacía era mi mamá. Le cuento que me enamoré de su esposo cuando tenía 14 años y vi Dirty Dancing por primera vez,me facina la danza, hubiera querido ser una bailarina, pero bueno, ya es tarde para ello, tengo 37 años. Como le decía en esa época no había intenet y era difícil conseguir fotos de los artistas preferidos, no obstante mamá se las ingeniaba y siempre aparecía con una foto de Patrick o un póster de una película de regalo. Podía caminar tardes enteras buscando. Así era mi mamá, siempre tratando de que nada me falte y hacerme feliz aunque sea con una simple foto que para mi valia mucho en ese entonces. la extraño con el alma y daría mi vida por 5 minutos con ella, una vez más para decirle todo lo que la amo y nunca le dije, quizás por timidez.