As I look to the right on my way to morning yoga class.
Beauty n.
1) The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.
I thought I was immune to betrayals, and hurtful actions after my husband died. With the exception of a very few people, I felt Patrick and I had chosen the people in our lives well. And I have been so grateful for their continuing love and friendship.
But in this last month, a few have been revealed to be . . . other than that. Like rocks, eating their way to the surface, they’ve turned up to trip me, making me fall. Fall hard. It’s been particularly tough because a couple of these people I really loved, making their betrayal, the broken trust, so much more painful.
And it threw me into a complete funk. I had been doing so well, but it knocked the feet out from under me. And I couldn’t help but think – If I was so naive as to put my trust so completely, so willingly in someone who would treat me so badly – then whom could I trust? How could I trust my own judgment? I suddenly felt like I was on an island, being shot at from all directions.
Ouch. It really does hurt.
My husband, Patrick, always had a healthy skepticism about people and, I guess, I always let myself feel protected by his love and care. So often since I’ve lost him, I’ve found that, in many ways, I’ve had to grow up. Had to face things that are confrontational to me. Take on more than I could. And be stronger and smarter than I ever imagined (or wanted) to be.
And I thought I was doing a pretty good job.
But I am recognizing my flaws. And one is – sometimes I see what I want to see, rather than what’s really there. You know what? The people that upset me – well, they (and other loyal friends) gave me plenty of warning. And I looked the other way. I just didn’t want it to be true; I didn’t want to lose their friendship.
Sometimes you just gotta be brave enough to face the truth. Hard as it may be. And yes, I find that the line between “being tolerant” with someone, and “being walked on” can be hard to distinguish some times. But when you’re presented with the evidence too many times, well, it’s a good time to realized that you need to respect and take of yourself. One thing that I had resolved to do since my Buddy died is – not be a doormat. And for the most part, I’ve made some good strides in this area.
But knowing all this, doesn’t exempt me from hurt. Damn! And this particular heartache sent me into a struggling depression that has lingered, and lingered, and lingered.
Out the window of my car. Hmm, not bad.
And the other morning, as I forced myself out on to the road to my yoga class, a **song came on the radio, and it reminded me of my Buddy. And through the song I felt a warmth, a positive presence. It was as if he was saying, “No worries . . . We will see each other soon enough.” The morning sun was sparkling as I felt him say to me, soothingly, “In the meantime, I want you to be beautiful.”
“Beautiful.”
And suddenly, the layers of pain started peeling away.
I am only here for a short time. Yeah . . .
Sure, I was hurt. But why waste time with an unhappiness that I’ve already learned, and is dead and gone? It is miniscule in comparison to the sun that’s rising this morning over the Atlantic Ocean.
And that day, I felt better, and I knew that I would come out on the other side – healthier, and happier than before.
As I drove, I remembered a Navaho Indian Healing Prayer about beauty. I’ve always loved the last part of this prayer, but I looked up the entire chant. It’s long, but . . . hey, what the heck, here it is –
Tségihi (Night Chant)
House made of dawn.
House made of evening light.
House made of the dark cloud.
House made of male rain.
House made of dark mist.
House made of female rain.
House made of pollen.
House made of grasshoppers.
Dark cloud is at the door.
The trail out of it is dark cloud.
The zigzag lightning stands high upon it.
I have made your sacrifice,
I have prepared a smoke for you.
Restore my feet for me.
Restore my legs for me.
Restore my body for me.
Restore my mind for me.
This very day take out your spell for me.
Your spell removes from me.
You have taken it away from me.
Far off it has gone.
Happily I recover.
Happily my interior becomes cool.
Happily I go forth.
My interior feeling cool,
May I walk.
No longer sore, may I walk.
Impervious to pain, may I walk.
With lively feeling may I walk.
As it used to be long ago, may I walk.
Happily may I walk.
Happily, with abundant dark clouds, may I walk.
Happily, with abundant showers, may I walk.
Happily, with abundant plants, may I walk.
Happily, on a trail of pollen, may I walk.
Happily may I walk.
Being as it used to be long ago, may I walk.
May it be beautiful before me
May it be beautiful behind me.
May it be beautiful below me.
May it be beautiful above me.
With it, be beautiful all around me.
In beauty it is finished.
** The song: David Gray’s “The One I Love” !! Copy & Paste: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9ViHACDau4
wow! I understand that this song is a sign or a message for you! Yes, I understand.
Hi Lisa!
Beautiful, damm your writing is so god.
I enjoy to read your writnings.
Best wishes Heidi
Lovely Pictures I forgot wright,
In trying times when I feel someone has let me down, it comforts me to read these words. It helps me tremendously. Hopefully it can do the same for you.
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Wow.
I agree….”wow”. Lisa you are to be admired for your strength, commitment and courage. You are awesome. Your writing is beautifully delivered, raw, brutally honest and triggers one’s own emotions. You are able to convey just how you are feeling and your reader can feel it too. I will keep you in my thoughts. I know you will be fine. A friend….
Thank you for the compliment. I appreciate it!
Hi Lisa,
thanks for sharing. I always love to read what you write. I love the funny things and smile with you and I also cry with the sad words. Many of your Blogs set me thinking. THANK YOU.
In our life there are always people who will hurt us. Not every one has the healthy skepticism about people (as you wrote) like Patrick or my dad had. But we learn from being hurt and be stronger and more careful next time. But it also is not goot to be to much skeptical to all you meet… I think you do it in the right way.
And yes, your Buddy will alway be with you. And sometimes you can feel it …
Have a nice day!
Love and light to you, Christina.
Dear Lisa ,
As a girl like you that was born and raised in Texas we always look for the good in people and when they betray you , its hurtful and we take it to heart and you wonder about the people you have around you, I too have husband that protects me from the pain… You hate to think you let your guard down and people took advantage of you but it happens and as we do it in Texas we put our big girl panties on and deal with it and move forward . We learn from our mistakes and it makes us a stronger person. Stay strong Lisa and continue to believe in people, not all people are bad, Love from the Lone Star State!!!
With love,
Renee
PS – I love the night chant, it is very touching
and true!
XXL
Hi Lisa 😀
A saying that I have gradually grown to appreciate to is, ‘Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again.’ (It’s actually from the movie Batman Begins!) I understand how you feel and from personal experiences as well there are people out there (that you think are your friends, but eventually show their true colours and it can hurt you in the most gruelling way) They really can hurt you deeply. However I try and think to myself, ‘There has to be a reason and lesson as to why that person was apart of my life for that period of time and why they no longer are. What can I learn and how can I grow myself from those situations?
My grandmother always had this saying, ‘Don’t trouble trouble till trouble trouble’s you.’ But I always had a difficult time understanding it when I was younger, but I think this quote denotes that there is no point in putting yourself in situations or dealing with people that will continue to cause you grief in the end. In all honesty, I do things mostly for myself since the ‘supposed’ friends I had did not appreciate the things I did for them. I try not to hold a grudge (it is difficult being part Italian) and let it go. Seriously the best presents that I have ever received have been from myself! haha
Personally, I think you would be such a genuine, warm-hearted friend with the kindest intentions. (Even though I’m 20, my dad says I am an old soul stuck in a young person’s body)
Lot’s of love
Gemma xx
I like your grandmother’s saying. And I guess that when trouble finally does trouble you, it’s time to do something about healthy it.
You have and will continue to be in thoughts and prayers.
Don’t allow anyone steal your joy. You are a strong woman.
My Grams always told me the person that you can trust the
most is yourself and always trust your instincts. She also told
me that it is not the quantity of friends that you have in life. It is
the quality in the ones that you have that counts. I have been
blessed with great friends after I listened to Grams prior to that I
got hurt many times by people that I thought were my friends. I
learned that those are the people that if you leave them in your life
they become draining and toxic to you. And as hard as it may be you
have to let the friendship go. Take Care of yourself and God Bless.
I agree.
Hello Lisa!
“The One I Love – David Gray” is really a very nice song!
continue to be strong, to move forward, facing your optimistic life is a model and an example for all to follow! Life is full of happiness and disappointment but there is so much beauty in this world!
I think of you
Aurélie
I love the song! and it has special meaning for me. XL
Dear Lisa,
I´m so sorry to hear you had lost a friend that you put trust in him….I can tell you the same thing it happend to me several times and i felt awful.Sometimes people are false or simply they change without a reason and you never know why.It´s better to be cautious about choose our friend.s…We must learn a lesson from our errors but it´s not always easy because they say you can never really reach to know the real nature of aperson we appreciate and we take catch by surprise how much we are wrong..It´s very hard, i know…..
Thanks for your great blog The prayer you post is very nice.Take care of you dear lady.
Big hugs from the Czech Republic
Thank you!
Your Mother-in-law is a very wise woman. Some people want to be friends just so they can say, they are friends with you. Guess we all learn the hard way, and a way that makes us question our ability to see what is really going on. If they are no longer your ‘friend’, then they were not a ‘real friend’ to begin with. It may hurt, but you are better off with them out of your life. Hope Ms. Patsy is doing good. Hang in there and be careful, you pick your friends, don’t let them pick you.
Wow, sounds like you’ve had a rough ride. I am learning in my own life that no stranger can hurt you more than someone you hold close. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out why; what did I do to this person that they could turn on me like this? And worse yet, it’s not someone I can turn loose and forget about because it’s one of my grown children. I prayed, cried – a lot – and I make me way through each day a little stronger, grateful for the time I had with him and waiting to see if he’ll come back in my life…it’s been 2 yrs now; but I’ve also learned to not stop living or trusting for that matter, while I wait because I think every experience painful or joyous teaches us something about ourselves. I’ve learned in my pain, that I am valuable and resilient and while I’m still trying to find the bigger lesson in this episode of my life, I haven’t stopped living my life. Your mom-in-law’s advice is spot on. My favorite is “this too shall pass”. So please believe me when I say to you that as much as this hurts now, it will teach you something and healing will happen – whether or not you think it will. I wish you peace girlfriend because that is the greatest healer.
Ingrid Mennella
My instinct is also to wonder what I did wrong! And you know, sometimes some people just don’t have your best interest at heart. I hope from the blog that everyone sees that I am doing better! And yes, it’s a good learning experience for me! Best, L
Lisa
sorry that something like that has happened to you. You dont deserve it. The love that you and patrick had was amazing. I read worth fighting for. What a heartfelt book. Patrick is always looking over you. i watched one last dance and you can see the true love in you both. YOu and patrick are beautiful. Stay positive. We all love you
and miss patrick so much.
Dear Lisa, I don’t know why, but reading your posts make me calm down and give inspiration. Always. I wish I could be your friend. Keep smiling and try to sing this simple song with Bobby McFerrin … :))
And don’t let the dark characters steal the brightness of your soul. Never ever.
M
Great blog Lisa.
I felt a lot of your words this morning – sunshine always helps the soul.
Hang in there – you have an army of supporters who would truly be there for you if you needed us to be.
<3 MK
Aw, thanks. Have a great day today!
LOve reading your blogs. Keep smiling you are beautiful. Patrick will always be with you.
XXL
Lisa, I hear you loud and clear, and know all too well what you went through, as well as what you have gone through. I lost my wife Sue to cancer 20 months ago. We were married for 32 amazing years, and it has been a struggle for me to get my own life in order.
I too have experienced the betrayal you talk about. What makes it harder is that it comes from within my own family. My sister seems to have a hard time understanding what I am going through. She seems to think all I have to do us mourn a few months, then just get back on my feet and resume my life. I know what you may think of something like that, and it flabbergasts me as we’ll. What is more surprising is my sister’s husband lost his first wife to cancer years ago, and if there is anyone who would know and understand what I am going through, it is him. But the bottom line is that I stopped talking to my sister a few months back because I just got tired of her criticizing me for doing things like always talking about my wife on Facebook, or that I was going to the cometary on things like my wedding anniversary and other special dates. I just finally got to the place that I had to get the negativity out of my life, even if it involved a family member.
But like you, since then, I am starting to now get my own life in order. There is not a day or an hour or a minute that my wife is not on my mind. But I know that she would want for me to carry on with my own life, to be there for my daughter and son and my grandchildren. She also wanted me to go back to my hobby of making Native American style flutes, and I have done so, except I named my flute making service after her. I now make them in her honor and her memory, and am now donating some of my flutes to places like nursing homes and hospice services to be used in musical therapy.
I know the Navajo Night Chant to refer to in your post here. It too is one of my favorite pieces.
I just want to say Thank You for the inspiration you have been to me the last months. I have read your books about your life with Patrick and the final days of his life. Your own courage has shown me more than once that life is truly a gift and one we must never take for granted. You have shown me that things can get better after all the heartache and the river of tears. You have shown me the greatest honor we can bestow of the loved ones who have gone before us is to live our own lives to the fullest, as they would have wanted us to.
God bless you, Lisa. You are truly a woman of great heart, and I know that where he is now, Patrick is proud of you!
Carl Gullang
Aurora Il
Thank you so much for writing, Carl. It’s a hard road, and it takes incredible strength and bottomless personal resources to go on. But somehow we do.
I, too, had a family member that hurt me deeply after Patrick died. We’ve since healed, but at the time, it was clear he had no earthly idea about the depths of my paralyzing pain. And you know what? Most people don’t know unless they’ve gone through it themselves.
I’m sending my best wishes to you!
Lisa,
Thank you for your kind comments to what I posted earlier. There is something you said that did strike a nerve with me when you said no one understands what people like you, I, and untold others have gone through when they lose a spouse unless they experience it firsthand for themselves.
When my wife was dying, there were two things that never failed to tear my heart to shreds. One was when I see she was having some sort of difficulty, and I would,more out of reaction more than anything else, tell her that I understood what she was going through. She would look at me then like I was out of my mind and say “How could you understand? You’re not going through what I am going through!” I know now that she was right, that there was no way I could truly understand what she was going through. At the time, I said it more as a way of letting her know I cared, but when I look back at what I went through after she died, I can now see her point of view all too clearly.
But the worse was when she would have something like an accident in the bed, or she would knock over a glass and spill the contents on the floor, or something like that, and she would realize it was because of her condition. She would look at me with tears in her eyes and say “I’m sorry!” I lost count of the number of times I would ask her why she was apologizing for something that was not her fault and I would tell her not to say she was sorry, because there was nothing to say it for. But each time she said it, I swear, I would feel like my insides had just collapsed, and my eyes just filled with tears. Even recollecting it here now is hard.
But you are right. No one who has never gone through what we have gone through could ever really understand just how hard a road it is. But on the other hand, and I think you will agree, what I personally have gone through, I would not wish on anyone. And I mean anyone, not even my worse enemy if I had one.
Thank you again for your reply back.
Carl Gullang
Aurora IL
I hear you!
A lot of times it’s family that can hurt you the most. That was my situation. Takes a long time to heal, with some you never feel the same when you are around them. It’s just something else we have to learn to live with. Get tired of hearing people say that too.
Lisa, family can hurt you worse than strangers. But, in the end family is all there is. I was cleaning out the garage today and thought of you sitting on the 4 wheeler I felt like just backing the truck up and start throwing instead of sorting it what is the point of keeping all this stuff it weighs us down.
Just had an awesome experience took our prt Arabian to an equine chiropractor we thought he had gotten to old to ride but he had great hope for him. Your colts are absolutely beautiful. Hugs to you.
Lisa, never forget: there are thousands of good people out there
ps I’m in the same situation
So true!
If the betrayal is what I think it is it has been in englands newspapers and yes it was a nasty thing but just keep your head up cos you know the truth.
Hi Lisa,
There are so many beautiful messages here for you. Not a lot I can add except to say that I sincerely hope you are feeling more at peace with yourself now and to send my very best wishes.
Hello Lisa,
a great Blog and love your posts.am just about to read your book.The book is so beautifully written.
Thank you for your great work. The book gives me too much strength for me and my husband.
Since my husband is seriously ill. He has asthma and diabetes type 2 is sometimes not easy.
You and Patrick are great people for me and thank you very much for everything.It was a great honor for my husband and for me you and Patrick in London 2006 to meeting.
Sorry for my not so good english
Love Greetings from Amberg in Germany
your
Simone
I choose at my age to live alone because I am surrounded by takers, and I have always been a giver. You have just inspired me to post a rant on FB lol.
Hi, Lisa, Haven’t communited in a while. I am so sorry you have been hurt or letdown. Life can be so disappointing at times. I wrote you several months ago about my diagnosis of Ovarian Cancer. I am still doing well with NO chemo or treatment, living my life until it decides to progress which I was told could be anywhere from 9 to 12 months (from last September). There are a few so-called friends who have let me down also in the way of showing love and support, especially now without my precious Jack who is no longer here to give me the love and moral support I so desperately need. Still missing him tremendously especially at this point in my life. Do you feel at times that this just doesn’t get better? Kimberly of PanCan came through a couple of months ago and we met for dinner. It was most enjoyable and she is a super individual. It meant a lot to me. I am doing all I can to support your cause and have made provisions for PanCan in the event something happens to me…..especially to keep my husband’s memory alive from losing his life to PC. I will be praying for your peace of mind…..people can be very hurtful for sure. Your writing is so beautiful. I watched “Dirty Dancing” last week on TV and couldn’t help but get choked up watching Patrick – feeling a certain bond with him since he lost his life to the same vicious disease as my husband. Much love to you, Lisa. Barbara
So good to hear from you, Barbara! My best to you! XXL
Hi Barbara, I haven’t visited the Lisa’s Blog much and I missed y’all. You sound wonderful and God Bless You and Thank You for Being Such A Blessing. The only good thing in our losses are the new friends we’ve made by sharing our stories. I believe this mishap is what got me started on the blog. My Bud died and all of a sudden my friends were gone too. Friends, my children, stepchildren, and if they didn’t dis appear, stab me in the back, they knew how to make me feel lost, left out, and useless. But, ya know Lisa’s right, everyday is a new day, every experience we face gives us the strength to go to the next and the next.
We have to remember where it was us, it’s just me, but the me still knows how the us conducted and faced all situation, and we just carry on. Our heads up, sometimes our eyes open wider, dust ourselves off and keep on going. There’s a saying in West Virginia, what doesn’t kill ya, will make ya stronger. and it’s their loss. But you know Lisa is doing great and if she’s not she still is because she’s sharing and i am sorry for her yet another loss (friends?) but, her character and values will shine brighter than any of her losses because she has bought and paid for them with her heart.
lisa
i love your website. I can only imagine what you have been through with losing patrick. He’s the best. You have so many people that care about you. Please keep blogging. I hope another book is in the works. Patricks spirit will never die. We all miss him and care about you . Stay strong. We love you.
Hello Lisa,
First i want to say “Thank-you” . Thank-you for sharing your life, thought & feelings, you truely are an inspiration. Your sharing makes others feel not quite so desolate & alone in their lives, feelings & truely challenging times. My husband bought me yours & patrick’s books for christmas. I loved them ! I wanted to share a piece from a book my husband was given as a child, that i find gives me strength.
The Monument .
God,
Before He sent His children to earth
Gave each of them
A very carefully selected package
Of problems.
These,
He promised, smiling,
Are yours alone. No one
Else may have the blessings
These problems will bring you.
And only you
Have the special talents and abilities
That will be needed
To make these problems
Your servants.
Now go down to your birth
And to your forgetfulness. Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that i give you
Are a symbolof your
Love for me,
Your Father.
-Blaine M. Yorgason.
I would not consider myself a religious person. I believe i have a lot of faith & found these words, & the book they are from a great source of comfort & peace in the many challenges i have faced so far in my life. I hope by sharing they may bring the same to you.
With Love & Best wishes
Sam
P.S.Please keep Blogging 🙂
Thank you, Sam.
Lisa,
I can’t say I’m going through the same things you are, but pretty close to it. I’ve told you before about my husband who is diabetic, blind, a double amputee, has peripheral neuropathy, and is currently on hemodialysis for kidney failure. I know its a one way road and know what will be coming, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve had friends and family members disappear when all I really wanted was their support. I’ve never been confrontational, so have just gone on, a day at a time.
I know you are a loving, caring person and it is hard not to be a door mat sometimes. Always know you are a true inspiration to me by the way you’ve dealt with everything life has handed you. A lot of the things you’ve gone through, I will be going through and can only hope I do it with the grace that you have.
Always,
Terri
With what you’re having to handle, and still functioning in such a clear and kind way, indicates that you have plenty of grace yourself. Best to you, L
Lisa, Sorry you had to go through this, but from experience to experience, your right on the mark……Took me i guess the better part of a year to get to the point to say ???? it, just not worth wasting my time because they are idiots and not worthy of my friendship. I was full of anger, vengeance, spite, and wanted to get even but knew it would only do one of two things: 1. I would be stooping to their level, and 2 It would come back to bite me. i have found that most people won’t own up to anything no matter what proof is in sight. I’m not saying ignore it, maybe ignore them but, do just what you’re doing learning and growing to be a new and improved Lisa Swayze. They say the best lesson is a bought lesson and the price you pay, you’ll not soon forget it.
I, too, am learning how to chose my friends, very few are friends we had. I’m still courteous to them, but I have to chose people that make me comfortable, don’t want to keep wondering when the next rumor will start!! But, people don’t have a clue, what we’ve gone through and won’t until it happens to them. And I want to be the type of person that no matter what someone else has done or said to me, that I can over look the pain that they caused me and be there for them. Not to rub their noses in anything but because I know what it’s like and I know that just people paying their condolences meant so much and helped for a little while. To give back a bit of kindness that was shown to me, even if whoever, did whatever and caused me pain, I still became stronger as you stated. Did us a favor and they don’t even know it. lol But i did learn from my daughter one thing, and no where still not talking, But if you don’t learn to trust your own instincts, believe in them and stand up for what you know to be true- how can ya stand for anything. I guess that’s why I dead against getting into another relationship. I refuse to go through all this work pains and joy, to giv it up again. Does that make sense?
and there’s another word I don’t like besides widow and that’s karma. But remember if all else fails, what comes around goes around. But i think you’re like me just because some one hurts you doesn’t mean you want them to go through the same thing. But it”s a nice thought for a moment..
You are doing great and just think of all the friends you have met through your Blog .. In AA and Al Anon they talk about allowing people to live rent free in your mind. There are a lot of slogans/teachings that I still work from the programs in my life and it’s been very helpful. But there still times that seems like, how in the world did i get here without warning!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU LISA AND BE A BLESSING (Makes ya feel so much better and keeps those that don’t understand guessing.) LOL
Yes. In no way do I need some kind of vengeance! Better for me to just walk away.
Yes there is nor glory in getting vengeance and I assume That you are like me, That even if what goes around comes around, it doesn’t make us feel better, or justified. Just wish that people could just get on with life, see and grow from what other people go through and if they don’t agree, don’t live like that but don’t judge others.
And surely at the time of someones lose, at least be courteous, respectful and kind. I wouldn’t treat my worst enemy any other way, because I know the feelings maybe not the same lose, but the feelings. I tell people now that yes losing your spouse is a terrible thing. We not only loose our mate/partner/friend but we loose who we are, our being, and who we have been forever. Now that forever has come and we have forgotten who we were before we met, and have to start anew with in ourselves and do our best to start over taking the two lives and becoming one. Gaining strength, character and the stanima to use, know and apply what is said in the senerity prayer and let go of wht was to what is to be.
Dear Lisa, I have been away for a while, but I stayed tuned for all the time….
The meaning of friendship seemes to be changed – there are only a few people who are really there for you and it´s hard, when you lose a person like that. I think you can´t be saved from that – unfortunately people change and go away from you, when you don´t fit them anymore… They throw you away like a pair of old shoes – because finding new shoes is easy. But finding good shoes is hard!
And whoever is letting you go doesn´t know good quality 🙂 You seem to be a true and very nice person, someone which I´d like to have as a friend and if someone is that stupid and doesn´t recognice – let him go!
I had a friend too, my best friend for years and I did everything for her like a dog.
When I met my man she became so jealous and became so bad that I had to end our friedship to save me. I have tried my best to save our “friendship” but she didn´t want to see me happy – and a real friend should be happy for you.
This has been over seven years ago and you know what ? The scar still hurts and since then I´m not that dewy-eyed anymore. I thought she was a friend for a lifetime, through good times and bad times – but she broke the deal. But life goes on and the decision to let her go brought me a wonderful man and a wonderful daughter – it was worth it!
Theres a quote from Tina Turner that came into my mind when I did read your blog:
“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”
Let it go – when it comes back to you it is truly yours – and if not – it wasn´t meant to be!
Tani
Amen!
“Betrayal” a mean and ugly word!! Wether it’s applied to family or friends, results are usually the same. Very hurtfull!. We feel your pain. Was in a funk myself last week and retreated to the bay house so my grandkids wouldn’t see me cry constantly. Hope your experience makes you stronger and wiser.
On a different note, wanted to see if you have ever had a problem horse(s). This guy, I call Snickerdoodle(not his real name) is constantly getting into trouble! I walked out to the locked stall where his food, etc is stored and thought at first glance we had been robbed. The handle had been nearly ripped off and what a mess inside!! Both his metal garbage cans that store his feed, were on their sides, crushed in. Hay was strewn everywhere, but nothing else was out of place except a sack of feed had been torn and dragged out to the fence line. He must have stomped the cans when he couldn’t get the lids off with his teeth. He does the gate that way when he wants to come into the back yard from his pasture. I ask you, is this a “male” thing? Any advise?
Don’t have any advice beyond what I do with my horses in New Mexico who like to lean and trash the feed – I just have a very strong gate to keep them out, and make sure they can’t reach over it to nibble! Your horse sounds very smart, and very determined though. You’re just going to have to be smarter than him!
Looks just like Highland Beach off Spanish River? You look sad in this pic:(
Lisa- we see the best in people that is sometimes not there. We see people typically as we are and assume they are good, honest, and loyal. I’ve learned to be more discerning this year and its a tough lesson. I wish we could assume that everyone has the same type of heart we do but it doesn’t reflect on us- it reflects on them. It is still very hurtful and I totally get and understand about not trusting yourself in decisions right now. It’s okay to go on a hiatus re picking people until we trust again or as I say- our picker isn’t broken- re picking people who aren’t as they seem.
Saw that you fly?! Went to the Lakeland Air Show and up in a bi- plane for the first time!! Can’t wait to take lessons … It was so exhilarating and free.
No great words of advice re betrayal if friends- I’m going through the same and its knocked me for a loop too.
It’s hard not to start to put a wall up to protect ourselves but hard because being open to people is what makes us who we are. I’ve read the Four Agreements but its still hurtful. Just hunker down and be your own best friend, silly in front of the dogs, laugh, dance, sing and love yourself.
Lisa- A little off topic, but have a question for you. I know that AHA created a scholarship for youngsters in Patrick’s honor, but I have not heard of any given out. I am a current member and asked them but haven’t heard back. Do you know if anyone has received this scholarship yet? You know when life gets in the way, I just go out to the barn. Can’t tell you how many times my horses have calmed me from some hurtful thing that happened to me….and if they ever decided to spill their secrets, I’d be in trouble! Sending my best.
Ingrid Mennella
I’ll check on this. But I think moneys were to go to the Youth Nationals in general. But . . .
Dear Lisa,
there is only One that you Love … with all of your heart and all of your soul…!
Your Dear Buddy is the One and Only Forever… he is with you always and
he is waiting for you when your time will come..! Until then please enjoy
your Life.. with all the Ups and Downs you may have .. don`t forget…. you
are never alone …your Angel is with you and will protect you….!!
Sending you a big big Hug…. Will be your and Patricks fan forever…Love
You Both!!
Regine
Sorry… but sometimes I think that I`m the only one who think this way…. Sad .. but true!
Lisa, all I can say is “Thank you.” I have been going through a similar situation, and this is just what I needed to hear. I’m so glad to hear you are better! Just remember-we are all here for you!!!
As always, much, much love to you! XXX
Good morning lisa
I just wanted to tell you how much i loved time of my life and worth fighting for. Patrick has always been my number one fan and always will be. You had a amazing relationship. Is there another book in the works? Please keep us all in your life. We care about you. Thanks for sharing the books. Stay strong. We love you
thank you, Janelle. I appreciate it.
Hi Lisa
All I can say is you carry on your life as you please don’t let anyone get to you and hurt you, you have to carry on living your way and girl your way is great. Some people just don’t like to see a beautiful strong loving woman like you get on with your life, you have to look forward and keep on stepping forward don’t let them knock you back remember we all love and support you as you support us with your beautiful bloggs with lovely pictures and look forward to future happier times throughout.
So go girl go! you show them you wonderful woman God Bless you love Julie xxox
XXX!
Lisa I usually do not wrote on these blogs but this one is different. You and I met years ago on the set of Super Force,you wouldn’t remember I am sure but I was your stand in.We spent some time together on set and I remember not knowing who you were married to, even though you spoke about him often. You had said one thing to me that stuck in my heart all these years, and it was when I had told you I was excited about my up coming wedding, yet still I felt something was missing in my heart. You said to me never settle for anything that is not everything to you, and that if I can’t picture life without that person then it was meant to be., and a few other things too, but mostly we spoke of horses and my mare that I had at a stable nearby to the studios. Anyway long story short on the day I got married I thought about what you said and made the limo driver keep driving right past the church, I didn’t feel that it was right I wasn’t whole with this person.I was very late to my own wedding and later divorced. But now I am with the love and light of my life for the past 20 years and I feel whole he is my everything.Lisa your a very sweet and kind woman with a heart of gold and people tend to take kindness for weakness, its a shame. I am sad someone did this to you, and I know how hard it must be without your buddy. Your a strong tough and beautiful person inside and out, never let anyone put out your flame. Keep doing all that great work helping others, just a few simple words from you so many years ago changed my life for the better and I thank you for that. Stay strong <3
Sandy, I DO remember you. And thank you for the wedding story. Who knows? Maybe you had to have a bad experience first before meeting the love of your life. I’m just glad you did, and are enjoying you life with him. Blessing! Lisa
beautiful flowers, cheered me up on a cold damp England afternoon.
Dear Lisa,
your book was released in here in Germany on April 16th and I bought right away though I allready have it in English, but you know it never hurts to have things twice:-).
I just like to tell you, how much I admire you and how much respect I have for you and Patrick. I´ve read Worth fighting for a couple of times now and still it´s beyond my imagination what the two of you went through. What a battle, what a fight.
But I understand know, when you say Patrick was a real warrior. My Dad passed away a year before Patrick at age 64 from several kinds of cancer and he just gave up, he didn´t have the power to fight like Patrick did. I wish he would have been at least a little bit like Patrick.
It broke my heart to read that Patrick had felt forgotten “careerwise”. I hope he knew how much he meant to his fans and much he was loved by his fans. And i think I speak for all of his true fans when I say, we will never forget about him and that we will treasure his memory. I just bought today the complete DVD set of North and South.
I´m so sorry to hear that you got hurt again by people who obviously do not appreciate your love and friendship. But you know what, if they don´t see what a great friend they have in you, well bad luck for them. One day they will realize, that they acted like real idiots towards you. Don´t blame yourself for anything.
I´v been in similar sitiuations when someone I really cared about slowly showed his real face. And it´s even worse when it´s your own brother and I had to face the fact, that my own brother is acually a stranger to me.
I also had to realize that I have to let him go, if I don´t want to spend the rest of my life longing for a brother/sister relationship that simply doesn´t exist anymore and probably never has.
Even my father´s death didn´t bring him back to his family and if Patrick´s fight and my father´s death have teached me one lesson than that life is simply too short to be spend with the wrong people.
Enjoy what you have Lisa, your love for Patrick, your beautiful animals, your family and your true and loyal friends. And allthough we are all strangers to you, we Do care about you and I would love to be your friend, if I wasn´t living 9000 miles away.
God bless you Lisa, keep walking your way, you´re doing great.
1000 of kisses to Lucas, Kuma and Murphy.
Lots of huggs
Sabine
Thanks for writing! And I’ll definitely get started on my doggy’s 1000 kisses!
Betrayal is a bitter pill we blame ourselves for swallowing.
You are a brave soul for taking the steps to distance yourself.
A shower of Blessings be upon you ….. Lilly
Thank you, Lilly!
Lisa, unfortunate that betrayal happens to us all, and am sorry to hear its now reared its ugly head in your life but what doesn’t beat us down makes us stronger and YOU my dear lady are living proof of that… To hell with them!
Many people have got your back.
Much love as always,
Joanna xx
sometimes the learning process is the hard part about life..please know that what someone deals us will go back to them ..this way they learn also what they have dealt another..ego gets in the way and causes others to lose their focus.you have walked with your heart and head held high.please know that you handled everything like most humans do..now the door is open for you to find true friends that value you and your spirit..BLESSINGS Cathie
Dear Lisa,
you can not be beautiful, succesful,pretty and good person like you are and also have lot of friends….You can have one who loves you and others…who are living just to see you sad …It is a cost of beeing a man..Unfortunately,i felt it….Much more i give,they want more…Much more i hug its not enough…Bu i never give up…i am still meeting good people,,,like you and theese fine girls here…..
Hugs and kisses to all good and fine people…
Lisa…
In this superficial world we live in … One needs to look to the Beauty of Life that surrounds us to calm our souls from the reality of the sins of man.
Animals play a huge comfort in that they are truly honest with their feelings…
Their unconditional love will bring a smile to even the most hardened individual given enough time…
That was God’s intention when he made them knowing we needed a comforting escape, from life’s trials and disappointments.
I know You and Patrick love Arabians…
We share that Love and their Beautiful Spirit breathes Life into our own.
Like a beautiful morning, a friendly smile, children playing… All breathe positive energy back into our soul.
Allow the Beauty of Life in… And don’t allow the Evil in Life to steal your Joy…
May God’s Love shine your way… ~ 🙂
~ Cheryl
Thanks, L
Lisa,
Wow! First, you walked with me through the last 6 months of my husband’s life with cancer via Worth Fighting For. And now THIS post! So apropos. It’s been a year since he and the dust has begun to settle. A close friend’s behavior has changed so unexpectedly. I never saw it coming. Never. Has caught me off guard. Leaves me feeling strange…questioning what I missed earlier. A little too much like “Ghost”. Was searching the internet for how to handle relationships after the death of a spouse. I found your post. Thank you. You turned something negative into something positive.
I think when we are in a couple, the other tends to buffer you from some things/people around you. You’re protected somehow. Ignorantly, blissfully! Suddenly as a widow, we come up hard against the cold, hard facts that have been surrounding us all the time. But now, we can’t run and hide under the umbrella – we have to face it. Just another one of the many things we have to learn how to do anew as widows. What a learning curve!
Hey Lisa, I truly wish the very best to you, Im sorry your going through some upps and downs. No matter what doubts you may ever come across, God will lead you in the right direction. Without a doubt. I loved reading your books, I forsure learned a lot of new stuff I didn’t know but they say you learn something everyday that you didn’t know before. haha If you are planning on writing another book, please let me know so I know when to look out on it.. I would appreciate it so much. Much love to you my friend. and blessings to you and your new family.xoxoxo Keisha from Indiana
Thanks, Keisha.
Lisa
The picture of the sun shining through the trees reminds me of the sun shining through the clouds here in Ireland. I often call it rays from Heaven.
Grainne
Hi Lisa,
A very insightful blog and so beautifully written as always. Betrayal is a horrible thing, but the fault is with the person who betrayed you, so don’t blame yourself for their failings. Rise above it and cut them loose. Don’t let them change you. You are doing so well and helping so many others along the way.
Take care xx
Thank you Lisa, with the very mostest 🙂 of love, for who you so truly truly are and for what you share from your heart.
Lisa,
I was recently in Florida recuperating from an infection I had been fighting for six months. My mother bought a people magazine and I saw the article about your engagement and that you found love again. I am so happy for you. I read your books while there and couldn’t put them down. What a journey! Very few people truly find their soul mate as you and Patrick did and survive all that you went through. You are an inspiration and give hope to so many others. I was watching One Last Dance Today and was so amazed at all the talent you possess. I truly hope this next phase of your life is happy and fulfilling. You deserve it!
Thank you so much, Judith. Life is quite a journey, isn’t it?