I’ve been doing quite a few speaking engagements. I laugh about the fact that most people when they speak get to talk about empowerment issues, i.e. making money, getting ahead in life, rah-rah motivational issues. Me? I get the really fun stuff – death, and loss.
Yep. If you look closely, it looks like I’m heading right at the ol’ precipice here. I do like the dress though!
People think that talking about these subject matters must be hard for me. Well…
It is!
I get moved, I remember, I cry. Every time.
It’s gotten to where I warn my audience that I’m a true “cry baby,” and to not worry when it looks like I’m going to sail over the edge of decorum. And mostly, I teeter at the precipice, but always manage to take a breath and pull back.
I also sometimes cry before I speak. And sometimes I cry after, and/or spend a couple “down” days recovering.
Speaking at Chicago Ideas Week
And yes, for some time I wondered why I was crazy enough to do it. I mean, why not get away from such a sad subject and its accompanying memories? What am I putting myself through this for?
But I want to remember.
And as painful as it can be, it reminds me, once again, of what’s really important in life. To not squander the gift of life that we’ve been given. To give our love freely to those that we care about.
An “I love you,” a kind word, or a kiss is never wasted.
And whereas I always denied myself pleasures in the past, I know now to not fritter away my time working so hard that I rarely lift my nose from my self-imposed grindstone. If I’m not going to do the things that lift my heart in life today, then when am I going to do it?
If not now, when?
I may not be here tomorrow, and my loved ones may not. Wait a second, it’s not that we “may not” be here. In truth, it’s a 100% chance that we won’t. 100% So, why wait?
And as I’ve said, before and after my beautiful husband’s terminal illness – there’s no time like the present to do what you want to do, and be who you want to be.
So, although speaking at events about loss, connecting with others who are going through their own terrible suffering, I’ll shed tears and my heart will ache, but I will be reminded of the gifts Patrick and I received during his illness, and the invaluable lessons that I’ve learned from him, and still keep learning.
At Stanford with a group of fabulous PanCan volunteers for the announcement of our bill passing.
And of course, in addition to these meaningful reminders, there is truly a “high” that comes from helping others. I may pay an emotional debt for doing it, but if I help someone else, it vastly lowers the price, making it worth it.
Hey! I guess I do speak about empowerment after all. And mine is about living your life – from the inside out. Connecting to life in the deepest, most fulfilling way that you can. It’s there, every moment of every day.
Why take the long winding path to your truth? Just cut right through to the heart of what matters. The sooner, is always – the better. And “now” is always – the perfect time.
Have a great day!
Having heard you speak personally, I can say from the heart that you DID help me, and I appreciate what you have given to the public, this piece of your private life. Never doubt the power of your words and what you do, Lisa! Your story and Patrick’s story have touched so many lives in so many ways, so I am not passing up this wonderful opportunity to say THANK YOU to YOU once again, for helping those of us out here struggling with cancer, loss or grief. You give us all hope, and remind us to love. What a gift that is! Thank you, thank you, a million times, thank you. <3
Thank you so much, Debbie. And if you were the only one that my sharing helped, it would have been worth it!
So, true. The humbling part is, the part that brings us closer, is not truly knowing how many we’ve helped or how. In big ways, small ways, giving a voice to someone who just might not know how they feel. what to say, or what to do .
For every pain we have gone through, every tear shed, there is a lesson to be learned, a blessing to receive and something to give back. Even in our sorrow their is a joy, push to do or make sense of what we have just gone through. I think helping or speaking to others helps us see and make a future for ourselves but always honoring the love we’ve lost and room for new exciting goals. We may or may not reach, but we’re not sitting around doing nothing or worse feeling sorrow for ourselves or ending life as we knew itto be the life of the unknown, but nothing shall stand in our way to know it all, see it all, and believe in all.. But with out giving HOPE, getting HOPE and receiving HOPE, LOVE and UNDERSTANDING by FREELY GIVING our experiences it seems to be that 100% is doubled, tripled until it doesn’t matter anymore. We can leave this world into the next knowing we have achieved our goals beyond comprehension. What more could we ask for?
God Bless you and will bless you for being such a blessing. And keep on keepin’ on. (PS As wonderful as “Worth Fighting For” was I myself am ready for another one. LOL) But i do realize the timing has to be right etc.
Thanks, Joan.
Love the pics 🙂
Lisa, you do truly help others so very much. You teach us that no matter what we are facing, our spirit will survive it. You and Patrick were a beautiful role model for marriage and you all inspired people. Now you empower the weakest of us because your loss speaks so loudly to those who have followed you two for over twenty years or more. Keep remembering – in memories you can relive life in your mind – and Shakespeare said that we all live our lives only within our minds. He was correct. Love and hugs to you! Virginia
Wow, truer words never spoken . Thank you .
Oh Lisa I would love to meet you I just lost my wife To P.C. on 12-23-12.I watched her starve to death for 26 days and she died in our home that she loved greatly.I had went down stairs fix some baby food for her and when I walk in with it she had just taken her last breath.I was alone on Christmas and New Years because I guess nobody really wanted to deal with me or her death.I am 55 and I have been crying a lot.I am crying as I write this.She really love Patrick and wanted to fight it to the end like he did,My wife never felt sorry for her self the only thing she wanted to do was help people.
Hang in there, Michael. It’s so tough, but your pain will get more manageable in time.
My heart goes out to you Michael. My husband passed away on Christmas Night Of Pancreatic Cancer. I to watched him starve for weeks as he could keep nothing in him at all. I cry and cry as well. We have been married 30 years. Before this awful disease he was a handsome strong man. He hated what was happening to him, but always said, “lets do it” to any treatment that was available. My heart aches beyond words. I miss him and cry trying to block the images i was left with. I have anger from the lack of research for this cancer, and thank people like Lisa who are out there speaking for us whos voice cannot be heard. Right now Lisa says our pain will be more manageable in time, but I know thats hard to swallow when the pain is so raw because like me, it happened such a short time ago. please know I am thinking of you. You sound just like me. Same age and everything. I think we all want Lisa Swayze to make us feel better. And she does a great job trying. I reached out to her a few times and she responded each time and I was grateful. I’m with you my friend. It feels like a lonely journey we have to healing. Love, Patti Conger
God my heart hurts right now.
Dear Michael,
Things are tough and pretty crazy for you now. It takes time but it will ease. Please reach out to your friends and family. They will be there for you! Sometimes it is hard to be there when you don’t want to offend or don’t know how to reach out to someone with such a deep loss as yours.
You have to think of all the things you love to do or loved with your wife and force yourself to do it!!! Slowly it won’t be such an effort and even if you can only do something nice for an hour a day it is better than locking yourself away. You will still need to retreat and let all those emotions out but it is so energising to feel that there is life and you will live it fully again – one day. Do not lose hope. Each little step you take is so encouraging. Seek out people that have been through it as they will be a wonderful support. Even if it is a little phone call or dropping by for a cuppa tea.
You will find your wife in the most funny of places – it might be a rose or special flower, a little saying that someone will say (that was what your wife would say), a small note tucked into a book. Listen carefully when you think you are alone there will be a little message to let you know you are not alone!
Grief can be lonely at times but it can also be an opportunity tol make friends with all sorts of other people in the same boat as you.
Take courage and heart. You will mend.
Dear Lisa,
Your message this post really makes me think of all the things in life that really matter to me.
Currently I am organizing old photos and it brings back memories and some hurt and pain along with it. I look at persons who have now passed away and remember how they touched my life. I miss them.
But after reading your message it makes me really want to get this task done so that years down the road I can look back at these pictures, and remember that moment in time with a smile.
Thank you for your message….it has empowered me to go on and not take for granted our special gifts we have; our friends, family and new friends that will cross our paths in the future.
Take Care
Ann
Lisa,
All I can say is…keep sharing your inspirational messages! And, being a nurse, I totally agree when you said there is a “high” from helping others! Once again, thank you so much for inspiring me and so many others through your blogs.
As always, much, much love to you! XXX
Dear Liisa,
Having thoroughly enjoyed your book – I bought it when I was visiting New York from Australia in October 2009.
I read it in one go at the Hotel in Manhattan – couldn’t put it down…
I had to take the opportunity to tell you how much I admire you and how much I loved Patrick as an actor and a man. I have seen the movies he made – my favorites are Dirty Dancing, Ghost and Roadhouse – and I love the fact he had the good sense to marry a girl with a Finnish background… I assume that’s so! My husband’s name was Nieminen, before it was changed into Eräkare. He also was in the public eye – music and TV. We were both born in Finland and there are 6 blond daughters and granddaughters now in Australia with me – and 4 in the USA.
Keep up the good work and keep Patrick’s memory alive and share your courage and optimism around, where-ever you go! Irmeli Erica Eräkare <3
Ah, if you’re Finnish, you know about “Sisu!” Good to hear from another Finn. L
I just want to say Thank You
Lisa,
Have to say that both of your books that deal with the journey that Patrick and you travelled have been extremely helpful to me in dealing with my dad’s terminal leukemia and cancer.
THANK YOU!
Sue
I almost didn’t read this, because at 45 months, nothing helps. This, however, struck a chord with me. You said you were a “cry baby”, I am also. I can barely talk about my Mike without crying, or tearing up. You kind of let me know that was ok. Everyone else thinks I’m a drama queen, I think. Thank you.
It funny, I think the generally consensus is that you should pretty much be “over it” after a year. Whaaaaaat??? How crazy is that??? It just shows how little people know about this grief process.
Have to say though, at three+ years, there’s a part of me that thinks I shouldn’t have the dark days I do. I find myself apologizing to my friends when I’m weeping again. I need to give myself permission, too (even now), to respect my grief and be gentle with myself.
Dear Lisa,
Just a quick note to remind you that you were the very one who said, “It takes as long as it takes.” There are no truer words spoken. Every person’s grief is as individual as a fingerprint. I believe that those who say these things about “get over it already,” or “just get over it” are the very people who feel very uncomfortable around Gary and me when that “trigger of grief” pops up every so often, most of the time when we least expect it and, quite honestly,when we feel that we’re doing pretty well…..
This coming February 24, 2013, will be 12 long years since our oldest son was killed in a horrible car accident, and he died in stantly, leaving Nicholas who had just celebrated his 4th birthday, and Zachary who was just a little over 2 months old. Terri, Charlie’s wife, has been the best Mom ever!
Our hearts ache for our only other child, our son, Andy. So when you say that at 3+ years there is a part of you that thinks you shouldn’t have the dark days that you do, well then you just need to learn a little bit more about respecting your grief (it will always have some charge of your life when you experience your “triggers”).
Please do not ever apologize for your tears for they are healing. Our triggers are always going to be with us whether it be a scent, a song, a place, a certain food, an anniversary or birthday, etc. and they will most likely produce tears, which is a natural response for what you have been through, NO MATTER how long ago that was…..
To be gentle with yourself is, as you will come to learn if you have not already learned it, this gentleness is a pure gift that you can give yourself BECAUSE YOU GAVE THAT VERY SAME GENTLENESS TO YOUR PATRICK, ESPECIALLY AT THE END!! This is one of those beautiful gifts that one gives and then it comes right back around to you. SO, I truly believe that this gift of being gentle with yourself is one of the many gifts that your Patrick is sending you. I believe sincerely that anytime we have an awareness of something that was not in our lives before and that it is something that we need in our lives, well I believe that comes from your Patrick, just like he rings the chimes outside of your bedroom window. You know that he’s here for you, and he is reminding you to give yourself the gentle care that you gave him those long months and years.
I do not mean to sound bossy Lisa. I just always write to you what is in my heart. Gary and I know grief all too well. He is an ugly beast who rears his head every once in a while. However, with the strength that you have grown over these past almost 3 years, this will make it easier for you to remember that
1. You do not EVER have to apologize for weeping!!!
2. Please be gentle with yourself. You were always gentle with Patrick, so you can at least do that for yourself as one of his many gifts to you that will continue to come over the years, along with your wind chimes.
You are always in our prayers and we always want the very best for you!!
Take good care, Gary and Karen Backus
Remember when your hubby said- our fights are huge but our love is huge? Same thing with grief- your love was huge, your grief will be also. There is a positive to every negative and vice versa. Def don’t be hard on yourself- just know your grief wouldn’t be so hard if your love wasn’t so great. It is what it is- whatever that may be each day. I do have one suggestion: start writing memories down- sometimes they will come at random moments- something you haven’t thought of in years…. As the years go by- it sometimes feels like its hard to remember everything so write it all down as you go. Just saw you have this site and commented on earlier blog. I love your transparency and willingness to be honest and open. I’m sure that’s one reason your man loved you so much and depended on your truth:)
What a nice thing to say! I appreciate it. And yes, I’ve said that there is a high price for loving. But whatcha gonna do? I wouldn’t have traded any moments with my husband for anything.
Lisa,
Your friend Patti Conger here again. Funny that the points you brought out in this great read, Having gone thru such a similiar experience for almost the same amount of time as you and your husband, I don’t know how one would speak about it and not cry. I don’t think I ever will. If I could speak and people would listen, I would do it. In my husband Larrys honor I would love to be an advocate for this type of cancer awareness. All cancer is awful, but as I noted in a private message to you, in November, purple month to signify pancreatic cancer awareness, I saw nothing and most people arent aware. Since I lost Larry only a month ago, my feelings are raw and my mind is filled with images only one would know having gone thru it. I just wanted you to know that I’m glad you have been given this gift to write, to speak, whatever, and don’t think for a minute that it is not from God to be a voice for others and to speak on behalf of those who can’t, or those who are suffering a loss and feeling alone, as I do alot right now. I would love to know if there is ever an event or you are speaking in my area, Ventura CA. Keep the love and energy you display, it does NOT go unnoticed. I still see the blessings thru my heartache and pain. I know my cup is still half full. I just have to find a way to fill it with other things as time moves on. I pray for this. Lucky you to have horses…Love them. A good morning ride sounds awesome. Much love, Patti
Wow! I just finished your book! What a true honest person you are. I picked it up @ Barnes & Noble this past weekend and couldn’t put it down. I was in tears at times and laughed at some of the humor. I could understand to some degree the pain, the unknown, and the future. I’m 51 now but at a very young age (26) I lost my husband tragically in a car accident. My world was shattered and what to do for my 2 yr old and unborn child! A terrible basket case and no sleep, I drowned myself in work. Driving in my car was my therapy and I drove in my car for months with my children. Unforeseen stuff goes on in a person’s body and it’s most vulnerable when the immune system is exhausted. A year after his death (and many miles on my car) I was diagnosed with cancer. At the time I thought it was a death sentence. All those months of wanting to die and here it was. I was diagnosed Stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma. Doctors tried to convince me if I had cancer, this was the best cancer to have. Ha! Unbeknownst to me, my young age proved to be strong enough to handle the aggressive chemo treatments. Three months into chemo, I began my battle in/out of the hospital cancer ward mostly receiving blood transfusions and being quarantined because of little or no blood count. This went on for the next 4 months. Literally the chemo treatments almost wiped me off this earth. I understand the coldness (shivers), heavy pleurisy in the lungs, and pain everywhere.
That was 23 years ago. I now live with stomach issues due to the radical chemo treatments. With two stomach blockages this past year, I understand the “fullness” a person feels when the stomach cannot process its food (painful!!). My husband’s death & my near death experience made me see the world in color. In my darkest days battling life, I saw from above the earth’s beauty beyond imagine….and realized the hustle & bustle below (people scurrying like ants) running around worried about earthly stuff didn’t matter but what mattered was time. Somewhere in the middle of my chemo treatments, I had a dream that my husband came to me and told me I wasy dying and it’s easy to die. Wow! That was my turning point. I wanted to live. Not just for me but for my children. The hurt I felt got easier each day and the stretches of time got longer. I wouldn’t change my experience. It’s helped me put life into perspective. Live on and enjoy your life. There’s so much more to come!
Wow. Amazzzzing.
Hey Lisa,
This article spoke so much to me. After losing my Dad 3 years ago, I feel I am now in about the same place in my grief as you. Even though you get to speak publicly about grief and loss with a room full of people, I am reaching out to people in the lounge rooms about their grief whether it is about a family member or a pet (another family member).
I didn’t ask for this role but somehow I have fallen into helping others when they are in the same place I was in 3 years ago. I have a heightened awareness of others in pain and instead of shying away (like I used to) I now meet it all head on. I have been given so much wisdom through the heartache. Although I desperately would love to exchange this knowledge and experiences just to have my Dad back again. (Even if I was a bit self-absorbed) LOL
It is a position I struggle with and still find difficult as I have to dip back into those feelings that I am trying so hard to forget and avoid. It does feel good to help people and be a good friend. I wish I had me 3 years ago to help me through it at the time 🙂 It was all so confusing! Thanks for your book.
Life is precious and like you when I have myself engrossed in my work I will now answer that phone, take a break, meet with a friend or just get out into that garden and smell some roses or watch the birds.
Simple things can give you so much pleasure and when you get tied up being busy you miss out on the wonders and mysteries in the world. This has been a really hard lesson to learn – to give up control and let things go – It will be there tomorrow so let’s enjoy today, be a good friend to yourself and let yourself take time out for yourself and others.
Keep up all the great work you are doing! You are such a strong woman and thank you for keeping it real, your honesty helps to heal our hearts as it makes us all realize that grief is an ongoing process and for others to receive your message you have to FEEL to reach out to others. Feeling is a part of life and living and sometimes that means we will cry. Tears are not taboo but a healthy release. How long did it take me to learn that crying does not mean you are weak? Crying and shows of emotion reveal that you are indeed alive and strong enough to release your feelings so you can keep pushing uphill and meet the next challenge head on.
xxx
Ester
Thanks for writing, Ester.
Dear Lisa,
Thank you very much for speaking to groups about Patrick’s and your experiences with pancreatic cancer and the grief and loss and even more grief that goes with it. I would be surprised if you did NOT cry when you discuss such things. Thank you very much also for doing this blog. You responded to the post I sent last December 10th in which I told you that my husband had died suddenly of a stroke 2 months earlier in October at age 57. You knew that it was a very tough time and said I should hang in there. It meant and still means a great deal that you replied. I made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas and into the New Year. It was very tough and seemed even unbearable at times. I know it will still be dreadful at times. I will always miss him even beyond the first few years. But your response was a so helpful and so kind. I saw that you were in Chicago recently. I hope that you will be coming to speak in St. Louis or Kansas City, MO. at a public event sometime in the near future. It would be just great to meet you. Thanks again for all you do. It does help and make a difference for many, many people. All the best in 2013!
Love,
Carol
Thank God the holidays are over, huh?
One step at a time.
Bless you Lisa. You are a huge source of encouragement for me in many ways. Always inspiring even when you speak of sadness. I love the snaps of the ‘family’ 🙂
Your thoughts are helping me deal with a recent loss and also show that love really does exist. Thank you for posting them and best wishes to you. From JJ in the UK.
Love sure does exist. And trust me, I’m not a sentimentalist.
Lisa thank you for this beautiful message of hope! Do not forget … continue to remember while continant in advance and memories of beautiful things that have been and will be again !
Aurélie
thank you always find the right words, despite the difficulty. You are full of courage and you happen to send it to us. You are an inspiration to appreciate life every day. PS: Thank you Lisa for the beautiful pictures in your blog.
As always, a breath of fresh air!!! The dress is stunning and your dogs and horses ( love the dressing gown look ) are absolutely gorgeous. I started commenting on your blog a while ago because I have the greatest respect for you and all you have achieved and I thought it might help in some small way for you to know that you have touched my life all the way over here in Australia. As time has gone on I have found that you have a talent for expressing our feelings which really puts things into perspective. Thank you and God Bless you. Cheers for now Cherrylm.
Hah! Love that you mentioned the dress. Even though it looks like I’m ready to break into tears in the photo, I did notice, “Sheesh, that dress and my hair look pretty good.” Lol. I guess some things always matter!
Respect Lisa, thank you!
Lost my friend at 34 year old , and my mother at 54 year both cancer.
Love, stay strong xxx Angela
from the Netherlands
Dear Lisa,
our three girls were born in Munich in 1980, 1982 & 1983. There all time favorite movie was “dirty dancing”.
.
So when Patrick was ill – I tried to reach him, as I have been researching the spiritual side of illness ever since my dad had comitted suicide 50 years ago – but as a german you still pay the old bills of the past of your forefathers . . .
.
If you continue your way, and just hang in there, you will be able to reach the end of the tunnel, and once again walk into the brightest of light of life – I promise !
.
Just would really like some feedback from you, if some unknown spiritual part of life is a reality to you, or if you think all life is limited to the body ?
.
This would help me greatly to know, where to begin . . . ?
.
Kalle, southern France
Lisa, you mentioned how talking about ‘death & loss’ always makes you cry and sometimes takes you a couple of days to get back to yourself again. Although your talks have helped some people maybe you should step back and decide if you should put yourself through that time and again. Sometimes talking about it helps in the healing process, but there has got to be a time when you talk about it that it doesn’t upset you so much. Maybe you should take a break and really think about the loss and how it really affects you and if you want to put yourself through that. Spend time alone with Patrick’s animals & yours and think about how giving these talks affects you, talk to the animals, no one listens better then they do. Maybe write a book on LOVE & LOSS would help you more than talking to large groups of people. Just something to think about. I know about loss, believe me, It takes a long, long, long time to be able to do certain things and sometimes you can’t do them, and that is alright. Hope you will think about this so you can feel better. It’s just a thought.
Thanks, Patricia.
Dear Karl,
If may chime in here. I lost my husband 2 years ago. I like many lost my best friend. The good news for me is I found that life is NOT limited to the body. The energy we housed in our earthly bodies doesn’t die. What is even more amazing is it is around you so much more than you know. I won’t say any more unless you are interested. I want to end with I have met so many people that know this to be true also.
Good luck in your search.
Sioux
I have lost a few members of my immediate and extended families to various forms of cancer. That is a testament to the insidiousness of it. Thank GOD currently I am not facing the impending ride of watching another member of my family fight that battle…for now. They say that from the moment of diagnosis that you are not DYING of cancer, but living with it. That get’s extended many, many fold for the survivors that move on past the battle, and of those survivors I speak of those loved ones who did not get it personally, but who watched and worked to get their loved ones through the battle. Yet there are those lucky ones who have not known the personal details of cancer because, thus far, they have been spared. So it is up to us who have witnessed first hand the trials and tribulations to educate those who do not have that experience under their belt.
It’s a sad realization that once you are forced down that cancer road, that you will never be the same again. You are changed, as a person, at the very cellular level of your existence. Gone is your naivete, replaced with a strength that is forged out of the sense of loss of your innocence. So, for anyone who has ever battled the disease, whether it was you yourself, or a loved one, I salute you. I don’t know if cancer will ever be cured, but through education and advancing technologies, hopefully lives will be spared with lifestyle changes and early screenings that catch a cancer in time when it is most treatable. Until then, though, we all move forward and continue the battle, even when our loved one has fought to their last-proverbial breath. That is all.
Well said, Chris
hi Lisa Patrick had a rare gift of being liked and respected by millions of strangers (fans). You also have a gift of writing. It seems to be very natural for you and yet help to maintain memory of Patrick. Please dont stop what you do and don’t give up. See You someday. Best regards.Luk
Thank you for the encouragement. Best, L
Hi Lisa,
awww thanks for sharing this lovely photos. Enjoying time with the horses is so peaceful, isn’t?
Your work is so important and you take this journey and everytime when you speak, a miracle happens.
P.S. The first painting of Patrick is done and online.
I’m really excited about the work at this series “follow your heart”, can’t put it in words right now …
I hope that I can do many many good draws, to collect a lot of money to donate it to the
Patrick Swayze Pancreas Research Fund.
May you like No. 1:
http://www.ebay.de/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=261160508661
Very nice!
No. 2 is done
http://www.ebay.de/itm/Patrick-Swayze-painting-of-follow-your-heart-THE-OUTSIDER-/261166960367?pt=DE_Filme_DVD_s_TV_Fanartikel&hash=item3ccec38eef
Very nice!!!
Dear Lisa !
I love to watch all of yours interviews even though my English is not perfect but i love the way you give an encouragement to many people who needs a glimmer of hope .I always can see much love in your eyes speaking about your loving husband and much pain, too although you always are trying to seem strong.But i know your heart is crying thinking of him.Your work is very important and appreciated and in certain way it helps you to be connected with Patrick.And your sweet animals surely reminds you of his presence in your life and surely gives you much unconditional love and loyalty.Every time you feel sad give them a kiss
and a hug and they will give back to you the love.The animals are very sensitive creatures and they know when we feel unhappy and sad.
Try to be happy and enjoy your life Lisa although i realize sometimes it´s must be very hard for you.But you still have much things to do and much beautiful moments to live.You looks beautiful ,happy and tranquil when you are with your animals.You feel well being with them.I think it´s the best remedy for your sadness.
I have an adorable dog too, and each time when i feel bad he helps me to overcome my depressions.
Thanks for sharing with us your great talent for writting.You are an amazing writter and a talented artist.
Big hugs to you and and to your your animals.
Take care, beautiful lady
<3
My animals are like my guardian angels! XL
Hi Lisa,
I read ‘Worth Fighting For’ in two days and although I knew the eventual outcome of the story, I somehow subconsciously kept hoping it would be a happy ending with Patrick recovering and you both living happily ever after. Stupid huh. What an amazing couple you were. To even think that a person could move forward, overcome grief and ‘get on with life’ after such an experience is ridiculous. Your journey with Patrick through his illness was nothing short of beautiful and not something you should ever want to get over. Getting over someone almost seems like trying to ‘recover’ from them and I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do that. How amazing for him to have lived out his darkest days with you by his side. I can only hope that in the same situation, I would have someone do for me what you did for Patrick. How brave you both were and how brave you are now. I wish you very few sad days and I hope as the time passes, you are able to really enjoy your life. I loved your book and I am grateful to you for writing it even though I’m sure at times the pain was excruciating. xo
Thank you, Nicole.
Hi Lisa,
So true what you say here. Grief is an individual experience, everyone deals with it in their own way. I believe the greater the love,the closer the relationship, and the amount of time spent with the person affects the grieving process. You are handling it well, by sharing your pain you help to lessen others. The responses you get here are affirmation of that, which must feel rewarding.
Remember our experiences in life help to shape the type of person we become.
Btw love the pics, you do look great in that dress, n love the pic with the dogs! I hope you contine to find the light, pray hard and have faith, all thing work for those who believe.
Oh.. did you receive the pkg, what did you thnk?just a lil somethin, hope you like it.
Keep bloggin with your fans, we look forward to your posts. Rainbows to you. Love and light xoxo Nadine
Sorry Nadine, you may have to remind me what you sent. Not sure if I got it yet.
It was an Angel of remembrance and a Thomas Kinkad calendar. Hope you did receive by now or it eventually makes it way to you. Thank you for Lisa. Xoxo Nadine
Yes! Love it. Thank you!!!
Excuse sticky fingers spellin: meant Thomas Kinkade an meant to say thank you for everyerthing
Hi Lisa
Your blog has validated my recent decision to reduce my working week. I’ve thought long and hard for a while about not being able to spend enough time with my family and friends and just as importantly, my dog!
As a district nurse, I spend most of my time looking after and helping other people. As much as I love the ‘people’ side of my work and feel so privileged to be with my patients and their families during some of the most profound times of their lives, the thought hit me, what about my own family?
I can always earn money somehow, but I can never get back the times I’ve missed and will miss in the lives of the people I love and respect. So, from 1st of March, I will no longer work full-time! So I will still have the emotional highs (and lows) of loving and supporting my patients, with being there for my family and friends….and dare I say it…….having some ‘me’ time! Lucky me!
By the way, I love the photo of you doing chores in your dressing gown & PJ’s! You are beautiful, talented, can dance and fly ‘planes, but hey, you’re pretty normal too!
Sending love and hugs
xxx
I was just talking to a widower (his wife of 40 years died only four months ago), and his continuing to work so much, and not take time off to enjoy his life with his wife while she was alive is a source of deep regret for him. Sometimes we gotta do what we’ve gotta do. But sometimes we get so stuck in the mire that we lose sight of what really works for us, and is important.
I admire your clarity!
So very true Lisa. Hope this gentleman reconciles his feelings of regret with the knowledge that with hindsight, we all have things we would change in our lives. Sometimes life gets in the way of living, if that makes any sense!
Still, feel free to pop over the Atlantic to the south west of England now that I will have more free time………bring those cakes lol!
read this and thought of you,. Cancer is so limited, it cannot kill love, it cannot kill hope, it cannot corrode faith, it cannot eat away at peace, it cannot destroy confidence, it cannot kill friendships, it cannot kill our memories, it cannot silence courage, it cannot reduce eternal life, it cannot kill the spirit and it cannot defeat the soul…….our love defeated cancer.
From one “crybaby” to another…..thank you for this post! I’m caring for my husband with advanced cancer and there’s lots of tears but also lots of love.
Best to you. XXL
It’s all so intense, every thing you say, but life is too short, and when you least expect estaráao him. It is so true and so amazing, I can feel without any doubt the love you have for him. You can be sure he is on your side all the time. Especially comforting others .. Kisses
jeniii *-*
It all happened so fast, that’s life, no doubt he is very proud of you. And it’s amazing how I can feel this love you have for him and what does for people is wonderful. Congratulations person can become and make sure he is on your side the whole time. Kisses
Lisa,
I just have to say you’re one of the most inspiring, beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I wanted to share something special with you. I just recently lost my grandmother last year and my heart still aches now that she’s gone. There were nights when I’d wake up calling for her, or moments when I would cry uncontrollably wishing I would have had more time with her. However in those moments of sadness, I would look up to the sky and see the sun peeking out from the clouds. And it was in those moments I felt and knew my Grandma is angel, shining down from heaven and is always watching over me. So whenever you feel the sun shining on you, just know it’s Patrick letting you know he is still there with you. Sorry to sound cheesy and sentimental, but I feel in my heart that when someone passes on the love they have for you and you for them stays with us forever. God bless you Lisa. Love you!
Nikki
I like that thought!
Me too. And I just want to add congrats on the success of your book. It touched my heart in so many ways, bringing tears of joy and sadness to my eyes (believe me a book has to be very moving to make me cry). You truly are a gifted, beautiful, amazing woman and I hope one day you’ll come to San Diego so I can shake your hand and say “Thank you”
XXXOOO,
Nikki
Thank you. I am honored.
Hi Lisa,
Well, we have all of us to give a lot of thanks to you for being like you are. You’re a special woman, a wonderful writter and great dancer but above all a very good person that had helped and taked cared to the person to which we have all loved and admired, Mr. Patrick Swayze and who is an ambassador of hope in the PC research. That’s not mean everyone can. You’re our proud and we who will have thanks to you for all your dedication. your interest , your love for others . I shall think the same my other blog’s friend than me, though i speak by myself, this is my thoughts.
Remember one foot in front the other, you can with this and you will get it. I hope get it for me, also.
Thanks for sharing part of your private life with us, your pics, your animals, they’re beautiful, girls (horses) wonderful, and dogs also, above all the brown color is … so like.
All my loving, light and gladness for you Lisa.
P.S.: You was so beautiful with your dress and hairstyle in Wash. Congratulations on all!!
Lisa, well seems your blog is going well. I kinda of like it as posting on your timeline on facebook is public to FB friends and I sometimes don’t want to share all and tho I did message your privately, realistically you cant possibly respond and I must say I”m touched at how much you do. Very nice of you. I went to a grief group tonight. not sure if its going to be for me or not. Since my husband died of pancreatic cancer on Christmas, my biggest thing has been his absence in my daily life after 30 years and a good marriage and all the vows covered fully. I don’t think anything will help that anyone says. Its going to be me, accepting what I can’t change, that I am now 1. Courage to go on, and strength to keep going. Am I there? Oh not even close. What I saw as noraml life with Larry, I have to accept now my normal life without him and figure out what that will be. what was normal, no longer is….and i can’t wrap my head around it yet. Im pretty isolated right now because im easily irritated at people. Like they should all know my pain. Be nice! I just want to scream it out. After reading some of your book, I finally bought it today, i was to scared while Larry was sick, to face what it would tell me, but now , I loved it because it was like I was reading about Larry and I. The first time I felt a personal connection to what it was like. But i”m going to take a different spin on the regular thanks you get for writing it, and allow me to say Lisa, I’m sorry that these circumstances that I know all to well…were so sad and so hard, happened at all to you and your husband, that you would even have to write it at all. I am really so sorry, but your bravery to speak publicly is admired greatly and helps many people. I recently heard that Ben Gazzara also passed from pancreatic cancer, which I never knew…anyway, I don’t mean to be a reoccuring pest, but as I sit here typing in my room , awake, with the light on, I still can’t believe I’m not asleep next to Larry, stealing his pillow as I always did and kicking him and making him mad cause I woke him. What I wouldn’t give to be doing that, instead of this. Much love to with thanks and Gods blessings to all. ~~~~~Patti Conger Ventura CA.
I call this very tough journey “finding my new normal.” And I understand, everything’s different, even the smallest of things that (to the outside eye) look like they haven’t changed at all. It’s all different.
My new normal. So true that statement is. Seems so far away.
I look at myself and think , my gosh I’m going to need a help
With these puffy eyes. All these tears so many times a day. My
Husband and I had such a mental connection . That literally I
Feel I need to train myself on every level with baby steps to operate
As 1 person. It’s a lonely trip to go on. Take care Lisa ( ;
Hi Lisa
I have a question for you. The anniversary of my mum’s death is coming up on February 23. It will be 18 years since she lost her battle with lung cancer. How do I explain this day to my six year old daughter?. Jade is starting to ask what my mum was like and what we went through that day. I am never sure what to tell her. What do you think?
I think it depends on what you believe in, whether it’s heaven, or some kind of universal energy. Or, you could explain that many people believe different things, such as ____,____,____, but that these people always live on in our hearts.
Lisa, I found this poem and wish to share it with you…
I feel it is really fitting for you.
‘If it is in your blood to love horses,
You share your life with them.
Our horses know our secrets;
We braid our tears into their manes
And whisper our hopes into their ears.
We celebrate our companions
with praise worthy of heroes
To those outside our circle it must seem strange,
To see us in our muddy boots,
who would guess such poetry lives in our hearts?
Indeed, horses have the hearts of warriors
And often carry us into and out of fields of battle
Together we share the pain of sudden loss.
Those who know them, understand how fully
A horse can hold a human heart…..’
Keep strong lovely Lisa, love and heartfelt hugs always.
Joanna xxx
Hi Lisa
Our memories are what help to keep our loved ones forever in our hearts. It is nice to remember the happy times that were shared, it makes grief less painful, more bearable. Hope your angel is a gentle reminder of the wonderful times you shared with your husband. May these happy times replace any memories that bring sadness or despair. So glad you like it, sending rainbows your way as always. Enjoy your day Lisa. XOX,Nadine
XXL
Dear Lisa,
I just finished your book. I was not looking for it… It found me through a cancer newsletter that I receive. I was hesitant to read it because my husband Ken has been battling advanced stage rectal cancer since February 2012. Your book was difficult for me to read, but in the same respect it was comforting. I had no story to compare to and then I read your book. I have been married to my soul mate for 34 years, hoping to celebrate our 35th anniversary in May. I was 17 years old when we were married and we have beaten so many odds that it seems incomprehensible that we cannot beat this disease. It amazed me that many of the treatments that my husband has received has mirrored the treatments for pancreatic cancer. Ken has always been a handsome 200 pound body builder. He now weighs only 140 pounds on a good day. I too have become his personal cancer advocate taking notes at appointments, keeping spreadsheets for his medication, loving him and taking care of him. You talked about not seeing Patrick any other way than the man you fell in love with. I have found this to be true, Ken struggles with his appearance and I do not see him any different than the man I fell in love with. They say love is blind… I do not believe this, love is a gift that allows you to see beyond physical appearances. A cancer diagnosis, while devastating, can be looked at as a gift to learn to live life without regret. One year ago, I never worried about how my actions may have affected people. Today, I am very cognizant of my behavior and when I lay my head down at the end of the day I have no regrets. Thank you for sharing your story. If it reaches only a handful of people that can change their way of thinking without having to deal with this dreaded disease or if it brings comfort to those of us living this life, then your written words have done their job. I fear that our battle is coming to an end because with each treatment Ken becomes weaker. We try to make it through each day with love, laughter and a smile. People wonder how we can have a sense of humor while our lives are in such a state of turmoil… My answer is found in the words of Brian Mansfield, a USA Today reporter who is a colon rectal cancer survivor… “If I voice my fears, they’re no longer secrets. If I can turn them into jokes, I take away some of their power.” Words to live by… I wish you comfort, peace and love in your life. Sandi Marsh
Thank you for you beautiful comment. My best wishes to you. XL
Dear Sandi
Please accept my best wishes to you and your husband Ken. What an awesome couple you are. It never ceases to amaze me how much spirit, strength, dignity and love can be contained in our vulnerable, human bodies.
Sending you both love for the journey ahead
xxxxx
Hi Lisa,
I hope you liked the poem I sent above and that you are having a good day.
I have been thinking a lot about you and your buddy lately so much so that I was compelled
to re watch some of the Barbara Walters interview you did together. Still gives me a lump in my throat and
tears in my eyes so still can’t even comprehend what you go through day to day… But I noticed something in the interview this time that I hadn’t before, when Barbara asked you the very difficult question about living without the love of your life, as you were finding the words Patrick said ‘she’d be fine’ and you know for all the pain and the down days and the heartache which you go through you are not just fine you are amazing… Not just dealing with your own issues but so forthcoming in advice and guidance for others too.
It is a real privilege to have met you in the past and to still be in touch so to speak and long may it continue.
Much love,
Joanna xx
Lisa, I am glad to hear that you are living life. I know your loss. I thankfully still have my husband , but almost didn’t . Unlike your story my husband had and still has a pseudo cyst in his pancrease. I went through alot of what you did. Accept ours was not cancer. My husband was so sick for about a year and a half. We almost lost him a few times. Finally after numerous hospital stays and emergency room visits he had surgery. He was quite sick for a while after. I don’t know what I would do without him. I have no other family to speak of. My parents, siblings and my only child have all passed on. I know your heart ache. It does get easier with time. You are a strong person. So keep up the good work and a salute to you.
Best Wishes
Debbie S.
Lisa
Five weeks now since I have seen Larry. Today was one of my
Worst days as far as tears and pain. Saturday was our date day
Together. But I wanted to say that I just saw footage I had never
Seen of you and Patrick dancing together at the world music awards
In 1994. The lyrics to the song along with my feelings, and the
Common area of how we both lost our husbands both born in 1952
And a similar love and long marriage , I was so mesmerized by the
Beauty of the dance and felt the love so much , for a few moments
I saw Larry and I dancing too. I was completely gone to another place
While watching, it was just beautiful . Patti Conger <3
Hang in there, Sista! Just gotta do it.
Doing my best my friend… Baby steps to my new normal. Thanks for the input you provide.
Lisa
Watching North and South on stars Encore. What a fabulous story. Don’t know if how you feel about watching your husbands work. But this was one of my favorites and I was really surprised to see it being aired and grabbed a shot at seeing it again after all these years. I really think of you now when I watch your husband. Now that this has all happened your husband, then mine. Ironically watching your husband , trying to get used to watching tv and many other things alone. I love good hair. I’m telling your man some great hair.
Always, Patti Conger
He did have great hair!
Amen to the hair and always stayed fit!! I have just about all of the movies and TV series, however, North and South is my favorite!! When I get stared watching this series, I get absolutely nothing else done for a few days….love it, love it!
Hey Lisa,
just wonderin do you ever watch Patrick’s movies? Or is it too soon, too eery or too painful? Also do you have a favorite. I personally love North and South and as I’ve said in the past I also love City of Joy and Along for the Ride(Forever Lulu). What a great performance! What talent your man had, so great to have his legacy on dvd. His voice on audio as his last big project, what great foresight you both had. A great legacy indeed. We all miss him soo…Nadine
It wasn’t a problem, but oddly enough, as time has gone on, it has become a little harder each time to see his movies. I’m okay though. I find I have to prepare myself for it a bit. I still get a great kick out of my favorite parts. How lucky am I that I get to re-live them over, and over?
Thanks Lisa for your response. I imagine watching , maybe City of Joy is probably an easier movie for you to watch (no romance). Great story line; emotional, sad and life affirming. And besides, I’m not sure that I would want to see my husband being intimate with another woman. I know its not real, its a job, but how ever did you manage? I give you a lot of credit . On the other hand, what woman wouldn’t want to kiss
Patrick Swayze? 😉 you were the lucky one, his heart belonged to only you. Keep well enjoy your memories. Rainbows to you, as always XX Nadine
Hi Lisa! As one who is having to take the Long And Winding Road to the truth I couldn’t sgree with you more! Hopefully I’ve almost made it and when I get there you will fully understand the meaning behind my message of today! But the message from you and also Patrick is a very positive one despite the extremely painful circumstances – in ao many ways. Not least the progress you have made too raise awareness so that in the future pancreatic cancer may be more treatable than it is now. In the UK for Pancreatic cancer a number of prominent musicians are getting an album together in aid of pancreatic cancer research. I know some of the contributors and wonder whether maybe one of Patrick’s songs may perhaps be a part of the album if they write to you at your contact address with more details? Some very well known musicians are contributing songs to the charity project. Keep up the good work Lisa and also making the most of the gift of your life on earth which is greatly valued by all who care here xx
please excuse typos above am working on a fast moving train!!! x
Hi Lisa, I met you in Philly at the Purple Stride and I still want to write a note to you to tell you what happened when I did my fundraising (it involves Patrick in a funny way…But in the meantime I wanted to tell you what you and Patrick did for me back in September 2012. My husband Tony died 16 years ago in a car accident and I was with him and watched him die. It was so sudden that I guess I put it away and I never really grieved for him. I just didn’t know it. I thought I had with all the crying and sadness but it never went away. I went to work everyday and I kept going on but in the back of my mind I kept thinking he was just away.Every Time I did something I couldn’t wait to get home and tell him about it and then I remembered that he was gone. I mean in my mind I knew he was dead but I never accepted it. I would never go anywhere where we had gone I could not listen to certain songs I couldn’t watch any of Patrick’s movies because he was our favorite actor and on and on. I started to become blocked and angry after 16 years I just became hateful..No one really noticed because I tried so hard to hide it but my Doctor saw it and told me what was happening. I could not grieved.
One long weekend I was doing something and Dirty Dancing came on and before I could turn it off I started watching for a minute and then I was hooked. I know this sounds crazy but I watch it 3 more times that weekend and I didn’t know why but I was just driven by something. I felt God was pushing me towards something but I just couldn’t figure out what.By the 4Th time I saw it I felt a click and I knew what it was doing to me.At the end of the movie it hit me and I cried for 2 weeks. I work overnight so no one knew that I was crying. I remember I had to go into the tax office and the women said something to me and I started to cry. I felt like a fool but I did it all the time.Driving, shopping anything I did with Tony or not. The movie broke me open and I could finally start to grieved.
One night I was at work and I had heard Patrick wrote a book so I got online and saw both of your books and I ordered them.They changed my life….During both books I had to stop every so often and cry sometimes for an hour and I mean CRY and throw and slam doors, But when I finished both books I felt like I had been through a cleaning out of my emotional blockage and I started to feel again. I could be sad or happy or silly all the things I was before his death.People started to notice that I was very different. I guess I had never talked about Tony to anyone really. Many people didn’t even know that I had been married. I just tucked everything away.All of a sudden I wouldn’t shut up about him. I told people about him and our funny stories.I felt joy when I talked about him.I still get sad in fact during December I went through a few bad weeks but for the most part I feel better I am always going to miss him because we were best friend for the 31 years we were married but it feels more normal if any of us are normal!!!! SO If you ever want to know what your writing and talking do for people I can tell you that you saved my life and let me open up and grieve like I should have 16 years ago. My friends are starting to lose people and they are buying your books and my Doctor cannot believe what it did for me so she is recommending it to her patience that are in mourning…So never doubt the good you are doing because I am only one person and look what you and Patrick did for me..God Bless You. God is watching over you and you are making Him smile..I love you Lisa and what you did for me….Thank You, Warmly, Maryann <3
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
Hi, Lisa ! I send you a big hug from Poland /country in Central Europe/. You are my great inspiration as a woman. I wish you all the best.
And, of course I am going to watch your blog 🙂 I do not speak English well but I can manage to read The time of my life. And I understand quite everything. Next month I will order your book. Unfortunately, there is no polish edition. But, from the other side, it makes me to learn English again ! :)) A lot of sun to you, dear Lisa.
Margaret
I just love the picture of you feeding the horses in your pj’s and dressing gown Lisa,
Keeping it real girl!! that’s what it’s all about.
Take care xx
LOL.
Hi there! I understand this is kind of off-topic however Ihad to ask.
Does building a well-established website such as
yours require a large amount of work? I am brand new to writing a blog however I do rite in my diary everyday.
I’d like to start a blog so I can share my personal experience
and feelings online. Please lett me know if you have any recommendations or tips for brand new aspiring bloggers.
Thankyou!