And here I am, once again, sitting on a plane that whizzes me back to LA. And since early yesterday, I’ve been feeling what I call “Re-Entry Anxiety,” the phenomenon where all my heat shields burn off as I re-enter the atmosphere of my “real life” again, the one where my Buddy no longer lives, no longer breathes.
This is my reality.
And this plane feels like I’m onboard destiny, one carrying me swiftly to places I do not want to go, places I’ve been wonderfully, and successfully, avoiding these past few weeks.
How much more luxurious can one get? Enjoying caviar, and champagne on a sunset cruise. Somebody please – take a photo!
Yes, folks, I’ve been majorly playing hooky.
Hook·y ˈho͝okē/ Noun: Stay away from school or work without permission or explanation.
And not just a little bit, but on a big scale (for me) – letting my emails back up, not returning phone calls, not updating people, and OMG, truly letting it the world go.
And despite my type-A personality, I’ve gone with it. Gone with it…and as far as the backed-up responsibilities – I couldn’t have cared less! (Well, not completely; I have made some lame attempts at keeping my “real world” together by doing things, like, I paid my cell phone bill before it got cut off).
I justified playing hooky by telling myself that after an emotionally taxing trip Washington DC to lobby for the Pancreatic Cancer Research and Education Act-so-that-we-can-help-all-the-people-out-there-who-are-fighting-this-illness,-some-with-their-dying-breath, I felt like I needed a break. To breathe… And so I accepted an invitation 
to Boston to eat great dinners, visit beautiful, picturesque Cape Cod, hear music, and wake up with the vast and beautiful Atlantic Ocean laid out before me. And you know what? It wasn’t all that long before I decided – I’m going in. And I slithered into the warm water to float, turn, swim, and bask in the glistening water. It’d been a long time since I’d been in the ocean. And for me, it was a highlight I knew would be hard to beat.
And all these wonderful things – made it hard to think about going back home. Really hard… My flight back was looming close, too close, when…
Me, at the helm in the NY harbor. I hadn’t the wheel of a sailboat in my hands since long before Patrick died.
Out of the blue, one of my widow friends called to say she’s coming into NY, and would love to have company! Oh, man! I changed my reservation, and when we landed in NY, we shopped the sales, took a sunset cruise north on the Hudson River and threw flowers into the water for our loved ones, and on the 4th of July, had a truly amazing time as we sailed out into the harbor and back on to the Hudson to watch fireworks. Unforgettable! My friend and I vowed to make this an annual event!
And after getting to know the Saks 5th Avenue store sales very well (probably too well, but I’ll worry about that later), hearing great music, and lighting up at cigar over a cocktail in a posh bar, I begin to pack…
And again, I started to feel…
Re-Entry Anxiety. And tears of anticipatory pain sprang into my eyes.
When I called my mom to check in, I didn’t mention the tears, but I did say, “Yeah, I’m going back to my ‘Real Life’.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked.
I stopped. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” she said, “I’m just asking, ‘Why would you want to do that?’” She continued, “For instance, I just ran up my credit card, and I could worry about it, or I can just…. not.”
I laughed. I mean, sure, I’m bracing myself for my credit card bill after this trip, but what she’s saying has a deeper meaning for me.
Why do I have to go back to my old life?
Why do I have to land back home, and have pain? Suffer?
In a lot of ways, I know I don’t have a choice. But in some ways, some very significant ways, I do.
And so, as the flight starts its decent into LAX, I am entertaining the thought that I will not return to 
my “real life,” as I’ve known it. Maybe I can enter into a new life, where I celebrate being here on this earth with all its warts and challenges, where I can love my husband and be grateful, and good things can still happen.
And so, on this trip back to LA…. Perhaps I’ll touch down on land, instead of being plunged into a vast, dark, and lonely ocean!
I’ll just stay open to this thought. I’ll see how it goes.
Wow Lisa!!! I was really worried about you. Is she o.k.? What happened to her that she does not write anymore? But now I am happy to see that you “played hooky” so well. I can imagine that it is a big step for someone who always works on the limit to cut the line and just live, breath, relax. Well done!
So, I wish you all the best for your NEW real life with open mind for good things that will happen to you. And if sadness comes back – you know how to play hooky now 😉
Huggs from Germany,
Kerstin
Sorry I disappeared off the radar! And thank you for thinking of me. I had thought about just dropping a line (online) just to say I hadn’t fallen off the end of the earth, but every time I’d go to write something, it got too complicated and lengthy!
Anyway, it’s been a ride. The ride continues. And it’s good to be back!
X
It´s good to have you back here. Missed your notes … I wish you all the best for your new real life. Take care. Hugs, Christina
Hi lisa, so pleased you’ve had a lovely,well deserved break,but i would also like to add its lovely having you back xxx
Ps Hope you haven’t left to big a dent in your credit card. ha ha xx
Hi Lisa,
So great to hear to took a break and enjoyed yourself so much. And why shouldn’t you? You deserve it more than 100% !
I just like to give you something I use on a daily base; life is based on the choices that we make, choices that we daily make.
So why not choose for the good parts of life? Life is never the same again when we lose a loved on, that is a fact. So perhaps that fact can be used, in creating a new life?
Perhaps you can combine this joy you’ve felt with your daily responsebilities at home? Lisa, you so deserve a good life without daily pain and grieve.
Have that new life, have your life…
Love and blessed be,
Dagmar
Thanks, Dagmar. Just recently I told a friend that I didn’t want my old life anymore. Of course, that life doesn’t exist anyway, only sadness and pain that’s been left in its place. Like it, or not, I’m in a new life, and I need to do my best to choose the good parts of what life can still offer me.
Hard as it may be and I know it is HARD! That is a great attitude to have Lisa.
You are absolutely right, Lisa.
Hi Lisa,
30 Minutes ago I´ve been at your blog site to find something new – and now – there is it! Your sounding good and the plan of the new life sounds great!
Normally I would be at work for this time, but I´m not allowed to work anymore until the birth of my baby.
So I have an absolutely new life: I´m working with wood, I´m painting, I´m looking for celebrity nursery pictures to get inspiration, choosing colours for the rooms, I´m destroying old furniture (thats fun! I do it like a fighter) we don´t need and want anymore – cause I want to be prepared for this new life. Sometimes I´m still a bit scared, cause I´ll leave my old life forever – but sometimes leaving is nothing bad….
It´s a change, it´s a goodbye to whatever there has been before, but I stay open and celebrate this time at home to say goodbye and hello! My change has of course other reasons, a new life is coming into my life, this is way better than losing a life (u can´t compare it, I know that) – but changing hurts also, no matter what´s the reason for the change. And normally I don´t like changes that I can´t “control”. I have no idea, what this new life will be like, so I create the things, I can create, the other thing I have to wait for (waiting is not my strength…. 🙂
So I think you did the best you can, you decided to change the things you can change. That´s an great idea and maybe you´ll start to get rid of things u don´t need anymore again and you´ll find yourself with colour pattern in the DIY superstore to give the inner change an exterior colour (I hope u understand my phrases…)
BTW: My next colour to buy will be kind of purple/pink, cause something I now since Monday: I´ll have a girl 🙂 And her name will be Ella Marie!
XOXO Tani
Congratulations!
Thank you so much!
Ur looking really great and I’m happy that u had a wonderful time! I’ve been worried, cause there has passed a long time without a tweet or a blog – I really thought that something bad has happened… But shopping and sipping champagne isn’t that bad… 🙂
U did the right thing. I have an uncle and he uses to say: ” U only have one life, u can’t take any money with u (after death), so enjoy the moment u have” This is always my excuse for excessive shopping, and it works – it makes me feel kind of free and doing the right thing!
Keep on doing and buying things u like – no one deserves it more than u!
Tani
You have wonderful moments, Tani. Enjoy it.
Thank u Danguole!
I’m enjoying, but there’s always a glimpse of fear in me, that question “Will I make it right?” I should be more relaxed, not planning everything….I know, I know… I have to learn to let life happen – thats my journey…. Have a nice day!
open your mind …… the world is yours!
I’m very happy for you, that you enjoyed life in so many ways for a few weeks.
Great moments, feel free, breathing deep, thinking … nothin. Good.
The read was very emotional for me, I felt the disruption and even the joy in your heart.
You are free to do whatever you want to do … 🙂
WELCOME BACK DEAR LISA!
I´M SO GLAD YOU COULD HAVE A BIT OF PEACEFUL DAYS AND ENJOYING THE OCEAN! I CAN IMAGINE IT MUST BE HARD AND BITTERSWEET TO FIND THERE WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND FOR YOU BUT I BELIEVE NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE BECAUSE HE SURELY IS STILL WITH YOU LISA. Y HE WOULD BE VERY PROUD OF YOUR WAY YOU DEALING WITH IT. AND DON´T WORRY. IT´S OK TO TO SMILE IF YOU WANT OR YOU CAN CRY IF YOU FEEL LONELINESS OR SADNESS….
I CAN IMAGINE YOUR ANIMALS SURELY WERE HAPPY WHEN YOU RETURNED HOME!
SENDING YOU BIG HUGS AND A A LOT OF LOVE.
P.S. I LIKE THE IMAGES.THEY GIVES ME A NICE GRATIFYING FEELING.
TAKE CARE OF YOU LADY.
Hi Lisa,
Nice to hear from you again. I watched One last dance. It is fantastic! So full of passion, devotion and love. Tears welled up in my eyes. You both together looked so harmonious, every move seemed so as if you never did something else. I feel with you and can imagine the pain you feel because of the loss of this special person. I am glad that you have the possibility to get out to other places and at least to try to take your mind off. I do not think it is easy. You are a special person, too, and I wish you so much that there will come the time soon you can control the pain and can enjoy your live fully again. If Patrick can see you he is sad for sure that you are sad and he wish the same for you that you shall treasure your memories but live without this pain in your heart. You know what, I dreamed of you and Lucas few nights before and you showed me your ranch with your beautiful Arabian horses (love horses, cannot passing a pasture without to pet them ;-)). I was so delighted when I woke up the next morning ;-).
Love, Melanie from Germany
LISA,
YOU HAVE BEEN IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. I WAS A BIT WORRIED BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU SHARED AND LET YOUR FEELINGS BE KNOWN. I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU TOOK A BREAK AND JUST ALLOWED YOURSELF TO GET AWAY. DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE CREDIT CARD BILL MY DEAR WE ALL HAVE TO DO A LITTLE RETAIL THERAPY EVERY NOW AND THEN. AND THE BILL WITH GET PAID IT MAY TAKE A FEW PAYMENTS TO GET IT ALL COVERED BUT WHO CARES. IF YOU HAD A GOOD TIME AND WAS ABLE TO SOMEWHAT CLEAR YOUR MIND, THEN THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
YOUR MAMA IS RIGHT AS WELL. MAYBE IT IS GOOD FOR YOU NOT TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET INTO A RUT AS MY GRAMS USED TO CALL IT. THIS IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS BUT I WAS THINKING HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGHT TO MAYBE STARTING FRESH. DON’T GET ME WRONG I KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER STOP MISSING PATRICK. BUT I PROMISE IT DOES GET A LITTLE MORE BARABLE EACH DAY. BUT MAYBE YOU NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY. SOMETIMES THE MEMORIES AND THE LOSS ESPECIALLY SINCE IT IS WHERE YOU LIVE MAY GET OVERWHELMING FOR YOU. MAYBE IF YOU MADE A CHANGE (AND THAT IS ONLY IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANT OR NEED ONE) BECAUSE NO ONE CAN MAKE THAT DECISION FOR YOU.
EVERYONE SAYS THAT CHANGE IS SCARY BUT SOMETIMES IT IS THE BEST THING FOR YOU. SPEAKING FOR MYSELF I AM SORTA A CREATURE OF HABIT. BUT I HAVE BEEN DOING DIFFERENT THINGS AND I WILL TELL YOU I THINK I LIKE IT. OH AND WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU DID NOT TELL YOUR MAMA ABOUT THE TEARS. IF YOU HAVE A MAMA AS GOOD HEARTED AS YOU I AM SURE YOU DID NOT HAVE TO TELL HER ANYTHING SHE PROBABLY COULD FEEL OR HEAR IT IN YOUR VOICE.
I WILL SHUT UP I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU THAT YOU PLAYED HOOKY AND MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THAT MORE OFTEN YOU LOOK SO HAPPY/ RESTED/ AND PEACEFUL. YOU NEED MORE OF THAT IN YOUR LIFE. HAVE A BLESSED WEEK AND WEEKEND TO COME. ALSO GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR CREDIT CARD BILL (JUST KIDDING) GOD BLESS YOU AND MAY YOU FIND COMFORT / PEACE / AND I WOULD SAY STRENGTH BUT I THINK YOU ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE. SO I WILL SAY MORE FUN AND HAPPINESS. TAKE CARE .
Lisa;
You were very lucky that you were able to get away from it all. A lot of us who have lost loved ones and been through that hell, have not been so lucky. I think that it may be harder to re-enter the life you were trying to forget. The pictures are very nice and I am glad you were able to forget for a while, but sad to say, it will always be there. Good luck in your re- entry.
Es verdad. Tiene suerte en poder cambiar de escenario de vez en cuando y sobre todo de tener a su lado a su madre, la única persona que sabe qué nos pasa aunque no digamos un apalabra. Agradezca a la vida que aún tiene a su madre.
Hi Lisa,
So good to hear from you again. This playing hooky thing sounds good…. 🙂 Sometimes you just have to do that kinda things in life and you did it. ! Great photos! And it’s a great idea to make this an annual thing !
I remember the blog about your mother moving into a new apartment…how is she doing? Does she like living there?
I’ve always wanted to go to the USA but always said…later..after I graduated…but why wait? So, I’m going to the USA in 2,5 weeks. YAY! And like you I’ll also worry about my credid card bill later. I worked my *ss off for school the past few months because I was and still having some health problems.. so I think I deserved it haha.
I finised reading your book ‘Worth Fighting For’ and yes….I cried. You write so beautiful and you are so open about everything. Thank you so much for writing this book.
I’ll be in L.A. on Patrick’s birthday and that’s the day me and my friend are planning to go to the Walk of Fame…because of this birthday.. Can you leave flowers there or will they take them away if you do???
Lisa, thank you for this blog! Great to have you back 🙂 And remember: We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails ( Dolly Parton)
Love,
Ineke
Welcome to L.A. I hope your trip will be fun. I don’t know if they clear the flowers away. I’m sure at some point they do. FYI Patrick also has a figure at Madame Tussaud’s just across the street.
Beautiful Lisa!
There is a woman I’m following and she lost her young husband too his name is Andy Whitfield from Australia he was an actor too he made Spartacus tv series and he was so beautiful like Patrick! And she is a widow and she always tell us in her blog how to survive without him. He left to her 2 beautiful young children.
You should follow her because you ll fin the same sensation you are feeling now!
Keep going Lisa
Kisses
Serena
Ps waiting for an other book
Stay strong like always,Lisa….One day you and your Buddy will be together! Your love and your life guys was and is still is amazing because of you.Have FAITH,Lisa,you are not alone….
Hang in there Lisa… you look really great. Sadness is a tough thing. I am thinking good thoughts for you. I finally found a horse property in the mountains and have two horses. it is my salvation. Hope you and yours are can do the same.
All my best to you.
Looks like you had a really great time! I hate to hear you were really dreading returning home to a dismal situation. Usually after being away on vacation, people are really excited about going home. Maybe your animals had a really big “welcome home” greeting for you, so it wasn’t so bad?? All of your fans were really getting worried, praying you were alright. You mean so much to so many…good to have you back. Jan.1st 2009, I retired….my doctor told me that I need to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. At the time, I thought that was the craziest statement. To this day, I still haven’t figured that out. I often wonder when I’m going to wake up. I can only imagine what a hard time it is for you.
Love from Texas
What to do with the rest of your life… I know what you mean. That can be a daunting question. How about – I’m going to live a full life while I figure that out!
That sounds like such a big question. But getting away helps just as much as facing life as we know it. I think we can see a little clearer, the future that is. I say we but mean I.
In AA and AlAnon, they talk about what it use to be like, what happened, and what it’s like today. Sorta like what you’ve done with your book, and the book you and Patrick wrote together. By reading them, I was able to focus on my time with my Bud and not write a book but focus on the good, fun things, as well as seeing or remembering the good things as miracles, miracles because they are so minuit that they probably wouldn’t mean anything to someone else but the world to me. Then, what happened, I was left to walk alone feeling as though I may never feel the way I did when I was with him. Now, 3 years have passed getting closer to 4 and I realize, it’s not what I want, but I am better than what I was before we met, older, wiser, and I know I have a choice. To honor those that have gone before me, stay the same, or start singin’ “Make the world go away take it off my shoulder….., as I think Eddy Arnold sang. So like you I chose to go forward, making the best life I can for myself, never to dishonor my mate or myself, and since I don’t know what I want to be whan I grow up, to learn and grow in character, wisdom, understanding, not to judge or be judged, and to add a little goodness and love of life, for life in the depth of my soul. And for you, I wish for all good things, all blessing as you grow, learn and walk in this new life and I sure hope there’s more books. If ya lack a hug and need one: put your right hand on your left shoulder, your left hand on your right shoulder and SQUEEZE, then, believe ya know who it’s from…… Your Buddy. God bless you. Good Night ( and if I have ever said anything to upset you, I am so sorry. I tend to forget that mourning (God, I hate that word, it’s as bad as widow) goes in stages and I don’t think we ever get over but we overcome in our own time and move on. And the thing aout forgiveness, was for me and it came to me through you and I really should have thought things through before I made a comment, I was so amazed, I open mouth and insert foot. Chances are you won’t know what I’m talking about and I hope you don’t but I do feel better apologizing. Thanks Joan
Lisa, Just a quick note , after reading your ENTIRE BLOG! You go girl!!!!!!! Your on the right path to healing. Ya gotta make it yours to have it. We need our sounding boards to bounce ideas off of but the choice is ours, can’t get any worse has to get better. So put a smile on your face and go for it!!!!!!!! WOW.
What you say is beautiful. XL
Hi Lisa……glad you’re back and happy to hear about your “days of no responsibility”. We all need those times……for sailing at sunset, fireworks on the river, great buys at Saks and that totally weightlessness (mind and body) that only comes from a swim in the ocean.
Enjoy being home with your fur-babies, your horses…the touch and smell of familiar things and the memories that warm you.
Barb
Mississippi
(I love Boston…Cape Cod, Nantucket….)
Hello Lisa,
I am happy you are back again and you are ok. can imagine that it is not easy for you.
we fans are always there for you.Thank you for your great posting and photos of your beautiful holiday.
Love Greetings from Amberg in Germany
your
Simone
Good for you Lisa! Sounds like a great time. I think everyone needs a break from reality every now and then. I hope you have many more wonderful adventures. Sounds like your friend called at just the right time. What a nice way to celebrate the fourth! You should definately make it an anual thing.
You dear Lisa have talents that were far hidden by your dancing- what a fabulous writer you are! Perhaps this IS your new life….and you share and tell it so well. Your words are inspiring- Patrick would be so incredibly proud.
Carry on in this, your new life. LIVE it, enjoy it and bask in the love of your friendships, as friends will carry you through your pain. And the rest of us will hang on your every word…..
Can’t wait to see what is next~
Good for you Lisa! It’s great to be everything for YOU for a while. Welcome back. You look wonderful and rested.
I know first hand what it is like to care for a loved one that needs your constant love an attention. I have a son
who has many medical issues and is a joy every day, it’s funny that we can do it all when we need to, I wish you Love and Peace as you continue you life. He happy and know that you will be with Buddy, and that he is with you
every day. Fondly, Kathy
Glad you are back. I too, just played hooky from my life for a few days and I had the same feelings you did when reentering my home state. When the airplane landed, I thought here we go–back to the unknowing. But then last night, I had a dream and my departed husband told me to move on and enjoy life. I woke up with tears in my eyes, but I guess at some point you have to try and move on. It has only been 17 months and it is hard to move on, when the sadness and memories are there. But hopefully things will start looking better and we can go on with a differnt life. Lots of luck to you in your journey.
That’s a pretty incredible and moving dream you had. He must love/loved you very much.
Welcome back Lisa,
So happy that you enjoyed your time away and you have come back to start a new chapter in your life.
I find each day is different when you have lost someone close to you.
Today I decided to take some fabric that I inherited from my mother and create new drapes for a bedroom. It felt great, and once they were done I felt a warm smile from above. Yes my Mom would be proud that I created something new with the fabric she bought many years ago. I used to look at the box of fabric and think what should I do with this and just put in back in storage. Now I am starting to think differently.
Enjoy life and make your home a place you always want to come home to. Remember you can always turn something old, new again!
Take Care
Ann
Thanks, Ann!
Although I never got a chance to speak to you, it was wonderful to see you in D.C. in the trenches with the rest of us there. As I read your book that I recently downloaded, I just want to thank you for sharing yourself and your life with the rest of us. And, yes, sometimes it is hard to make that re-entry when we get a chance to escape from what has become our new life after the death of the one we loved and that completed us. My story, although, not a famous one, is similar to yours. My husband was my life and losing him almost 5 years ago, at age 46, to this horrendous disease changed my world forever. Even though it was my second time to be a widow, it was my first time to walk this particular path in life. I just want to thank you again for stepping up and being there for all of those who can no longer make the plea to Congress to pass the Pancreatic Cancer Research and Education Act, and also for standing along side those of us who have no celebrity but feel the pain and the suffering the same way, but have a harder time getting someone to listen. I feel a sisterhood with you even though we have never met and probably never will. This battle to do something about Pancreatic Cancer and knowing what being a caregiver for the one you love that is suffering is all about definitely brings us into a certain family. I wish I had never joined it, but am thankful for the people in it, like you, who are trying to make it harder to get into. That one day this family of Pancreatic Cancer patients and loved ones would be disbanded due to ending the disease would be a wonderful day. Take care and let us hear from you again soon.
Hi, Lisa! Glad you took some time to just relax and have some quality “me” time. We all need that every now and then. Maybe someday, I’ll do that, too. 🙂 You know Patrick would have wanted you to continue living and loving life. Being near and in the ocean is always a balm to the soul to me. I love just listening to the waves – they are calming. Sometimes that’s just what you need to do for yourself. Anyway, glad you’re back and OK!!
Terri
Hi Lisa,
Glad to hear you were having a good time! I really hope that your new life is just as fun, but I understand how hard it must be without your husband, Patrick. I guess life really is an ocean, cause it’s always swirling and throwing you in different directions and feelings. It’s great to hear from you agian! Thanks for sharing this with everyone, you truly are a very inspiring person, just like your husband! Hope everything goes well!
Good luck and wishes and thanks for sharing your great pics.too, Patricia
Welcome back, Lisa! I missed you and your wonderful posts/blogs! But, I’m SO glad to hear that you were throwing all caution to the wind, and taking a MUCH deserved break from everyday life! Sounds like you had an amazing time! And, I love your pictures!
As always, much, much love to you! XXX
PS. Did you find anything at Saks to wear with the Flamin’ Mamas? 😉
The Flamin’ Mamas are unique. It’s going to take something special. I have a skirt in my closet I think I’m going to adapt for it. I am determined!
Sounds great! 🙂
I too am glad that you are back Lisa, playing hooky was the right thing to do. We all understand and love you. In your chosen new life … Buddy will travel with you in your heart. It will only get better because focusing on living a full life until you figure out the rest is awesome!
Love Joan from Canada
Wow Lisa,
I think you’ve hit on something here. Maybe the last three years have been YOUR journey to prepare yourself for your new life. Maybe with September 14th looming, your Buddy is now tellling you it’s time to enter a life that is your own. Maybe he was working his magic when your widow friend showed up unexpectedly. Maybe he’s showing you that you can live…you can enjoy…you can have a new life…..with his blessing. In the Barbara Walters interview, when she point blank asked you how were you going to handle life on your own, Patrick retorted quite spontaneously “She’ll be fine.” I think the knowledge that you would use the rock solid past you shared as a stepping stone into a new life gave him comfort. Maybe he wants to work from your heart now and bring you solace and reassurance. Maybe you’ve identified that your turning point is upon you this 3rd anniversary, and you’ll be able to honor your Buddy by spawning memories that warm and soothe you.
You were blessed with a deep love that most of us will never experience……and this is your blessing as well as your curse. The curse is the pain from that recovery from that loss is magnified many times over. Please give yourself credit that you’ve hung in there all these years while learning to deal with devastating grief.
Well done Lisa, well done!
Nancy
Thank you, Nancy. I am very moved by what you say. XL
Hi Lisa, welcome back . You’re probably thinking: these people need to get a life, do they not have other things to do than read about mine? ; ) But please know we all care about you and we always hope that you are well and enjoying life again. Patrick was such a big part of your life and many of his fans miss him too. I know it must be difficult to think that you can move on but remember you are not forgetting him. You are trying to continue with your life. I’m sure Patrick would have wanted that for you. Good for you! I’m glad you took time to enjoy and relax, you earned it, wasn’t it fun? I wish for you more days like this and carefree moments . What one item are you happy you bought in New York? Whatever it is enjoy it and be happy. Life is short so make the most of it. Live with no regrets. I’m not saying be reckless but if you really want to do something, and it wouldn’t cause you or anyone else any hardships, then do it.
Any way welcome back, you had us worried. your are kind, sweet and you are cared about by many. Enjoy your adoring fans. Sending rainbows your way as always. Love n light. xoxo Nadine
If there’s anything I learned from Patrick’s illness, it’s – Life is Short. There’s no time like the present to get on with it!
Lisa,
I am glad to see you are back. I have to admit to being a little worried myself. In talking with friends, we speculated that maybe the time of year would be difficult — your birthday, the wedding anniversary, and Patrick’s upcoming birthday. I just can’t imagine what it is like. It may sound crazy, but out of the blue the other day, I had a good cry for Patrick, or perhaps I should say, for missing him and even moving forward in an odd kind of way with perhaps a smidgeon of guilt for doing so. I only met you guys very briefly a few times (nothing you’d remember, I don’t think, unless you recall Christmastime the year of The Wong Foo when goodies kept arriving at Rancho Bizarro. He touched my life in ways I can’t express, and it is still hard to believe he is gone from this mortal world, At any rate, I am glad you are back in touch and pray you are able to embrace the joys in life as you move forward.
Take care!
Oh, I meant to say one more thing. Did you notice that Ghost is closing on Broadway, and what the date was for the closing? August 18th. That really sent some chills through me. It’s a little thing, but what an amazing coincidence.
Onward!
Sharp girl! And yes, I did notice just this morning. I take it as – the show may die, but Patrick still lives!
Dear Lisa,
I have just experienced the last pages of your book, “Worth Fighting For.” I laughed in some parts, and I cried in some parts. You have a gift for story-telling. Thank you for being willing to record this one.
I was drawn to the book, I think, so I could get a sense of what my mother went through a few years ago. She lost my dad to lung cancer in 2007. They were married for 47 years. Thanks for the reminder that she is STILL going through it, that it’s not something you ‘get over,’ but instead something you slowly learn to live with.
(While reading the book, by the way, my surprise new flood of tears came, when you named an event that took place on August 18, Patrick’s birthday. That’s my dad’s birthday, too. Their timing was close, on being diagnosed and how long they journeyed before “the end.”)
Thank you for being willing to share all angles and perspectives of the good, the bad & the ugly parts of this overwhelming and personal experience. And thank you for plowing forward now, as an example of so many attributes I’m striving for, and as a voice for the cause of cancer research.
Kari, Boston area
Hi Lisa- Sounds like you did just what you needed to do for you…sounds like healing is finally beginning. Glad to have you back. You look great!!
Ingrid Mennella
I have spent just 30 minutes to read, I mean, to eat your blog. All your feelings are real and you must feel them. ALLLL!!
But reading this last post I thought: Why don´t you take a month or maybe 6 months living in LA or NY? Of course, coming back to your place…if you want to. It doesn´t mean you have to forget Patrick. It means….I don´t wanna be offensive but I think you should “take him out from your mind” and put him back to you like a bodyguard……living your own life and doing things because of you…….. you are important and YOU are here….
can you forget him?? NEVER and you shouldn’t. I wouln´t. your ranch is full of P’s things. Looking at them everyday is wonderful, but it hurts a lot. When you are ready, leave it and take your own time with his love, but your time.
Loves from the bottom of my soul from Chile (I am 29 but I really love your husband and of course your love story)
Just so very glad to know that you are okay and to welcome you back. You have NO idea how very much you have been missed!!
I had just asked you a really STUPID question, which I erased!! “The long and the short of it all is that both my husband and I miss our oldest son every single day even after 11 years, and it doesn’t matter where we are or are doing!!” Our Charlie is always with us and we continue to pray for his younger brother, Andy who is still with us and who tries so very hard to “be there” for us as he believes his older brother always was, so that the hurt of losing his only sibling doesn’t overwhelm him even after 11 years!! Andy is very lonely a lot more than what he is willing to admit…… Anyway Lisa, Gary (my husband) and I continue to pray for all of us!!!!
You special person, don’t be afraid to do as your Mom says, “Are you sure you want to do that?” (Go back to your “Real Life”?) You know as well as I do, Lisa, that life IS too short to waste. Why should you spend your time trying to “please everyone,” when, in doing so, you end up pleasing no one, and you already know that too. You have given SO much help to SO many people already…….What more do you expect of yourself??? WHAT SPECIFICALLY DO YOU NOT WANT TO RETURN TO, OR WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT GOING HOME? You know, you “have your very own life” now. You have never experienced this “freedom” before, and this is good for you! You will always “want to cry” when you think about your Buddy whether you are at Rancho Bizarro or your ranch in New Mexico. That’s just life and that sounds so cruel, but I sure don’t mean it that way. YOU ARE AT A CROSSROADS!!!!!! You can “begin anew” just as your Buddy did when he switched from sport to dance to the Disney program and then to the Joffrey ballet. When that didn’t work out, you both went to California!!! ARE YOU SEEING THE CHANGES THAT WERE MADE, ALONG WITH THE NECESSARY BIG SACRIFICES, TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THAT HAS TAKEN PLACE????????
To “have your own life,” whether you sell your raches or not, is up to you…… However, to truly have your very own life, Lisa, if you don’t make major changes in your life at this point, you will always be “Patrick Swayze’s wife (or widow). You will not be recognized “on your own” as a writer or director, and you SO VERY deserve this!!
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: “IT IS HIGH TIME FOR YOU TO LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF WITH SCRIPTS, DIRECTING, WRITING, ETC. INCUDING ALL OF THE TALENTS THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY SHOWN!!! AREN’T YOU REALLY READY FOR THIS???? THIS IS YOUR TIME, LISA.
I find it very hard to believe that you cannot “see or hear this” from your Buddy that this is what he wants so very badly from you!! The face that you were on the set of his last Movie, “The Beast” is of no consequence! That was MEANT TO BE, NOT ONLY FOR YOUR BUDDY BUT FOR YOU ALSO, LISA, SO THAT YOU WOULD RECOGNIZE AND BE ACKNOWLEDGED AS A DIRECTOR, WHO WAS VERY RESPECTED!!
You know, Lisa, not many women are in your position of “being able to choose” what they want to do….. Therefore, please take this seriously into your future considerations of your future path and journey. May it be a very blessed one, and may it be a jouney with your Patrick right beside you so that you will NEVER have any doubts (you may not “see” him but, just reach out yoiur hand and you WILL feel him with you). Love K.
Yes, I am aware how lucky I am that I have options in my life. Not everybody does.
Thank you for the very, very positive encouragement. My friends have been saying the same thing! Hey wait, I guess that makes you a friend!
Thanks for your support.
Hi Lisa, it´s me again…
By reading Karen´s comment I had an idea and I just wanted to tell: You have two ranches – right? And they are both full of memories from the past (good ones and bad ones). Whenever you have been away for a longer time, feeling free and away from all you have the decision to choose between two places, which ones are not “free”. And you seem to be scared, cause these places have been your real life and still are your life – but the past years have changed them into a sad place (not always, but when you´re alone there it has to be hard)
My idea is, you could sell one ranch and buy another one. So you´d still have two places to go, but you could choose for every time, if you are ready and strong enough for the old Memories, or if you want to go to the new place, which one is fresh and new… On photos when u are away from home you seem to be more happy and you should have the choice to have a real life without the old shadows – what doesn´t mean that your past life should be forgotten. Do you understand what I mean? I have no idea if this is an option for you but it could be a chance to have one “Memory-homebase” and one “Only-Lisa-homebase”
My other idea would be this: http://www.spaceclearing.com/html/ I have read her book and it seems to make sense, but not everybody believes in stuff like that. She could visit you at home, maybe this would change a lot, when there are no more negative energies… But find out for yourself if this would help you on your way, I just thought this could be a good thing for you….
Tani
Wow. We all seem to be on the same wave length. I just responded to another comment that I’ve been wondering about selling my house! It may be time. And yes, I’d keep the ranch in New Mexico which is so peaceful.
You CAN NOT run away from memories. Sorry to tell you this, but they will always be there. It takes a very strong person to continue on in the places they have always known and loved. There is nothing that says you can’t make new memories in these places, I have, and am a stronger person for remaining in the place loved by both of us. This is just my opinion and experience. YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY.
I agree, but it’s nice to take a break every once in awhile!
Dear Lisa,
I would never “assume” to be one of your friends. I just felt that I needed to say what was in my heart for you, especiallly at this time in your life! You have so very many and diverse talents! You can do whatever you want in whatever field that you want….. You are not “limited” by film projects!
To “have your own life,” whether you sell your ranches or not, is up to you…… However, to truly have your very own life, Lisa, if you don’t make major changes in your life at this point, you will always be “Patrick Swayze’s wife (or widow). I DO realize that this is something that perhaps you don’t want, but until you “stand on your own like your Buddy did time after time after time, you will not be taken seriously as a “TALENT ON YOUR OWN.” You will not be recognized “on your own” as a writer or director, producer, a dance instructor, etc., and you SO VERY deserve this because it has been YOUR life for so long when your Buddy was the one in the spotlight. You said once that he never made you feel left out. You, even then, did not recognize your wonderful talents because you were “giving them to your Buddy to use” and you didn’t ever look at it that way, did you? You were just always grateful for him not letting you “be in the shadows.”
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: “IT IS HIGH TIME FOR YOU TO LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF WITH SCRIPTS, DIRECTING, WRITING, ETC. INCUDING ALL OF THE TALENTS THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY SHOWN!!! AREN’T YOU REALLY READY FOR THIS???? THIS IS YOUR TIME, LISA.
I find it very hard to believe that you cannot “see or hear this” from your Buddy that this is what he wants so very badly from you!! The fact that you were on the set of his last movie, “The Beast” is of no consequence! That was MEANT TO BE, NOT ONLY FOR YOUR BUDDY BUT FOR YOU ALSO, LISA, SO THAT YOU WOULD RECOGNIZE, NOT ONLY BY YOURSELF, BUT ALSO TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED AS A DIRECTOR, WHO WAS VERY RESPECTED!!
I repeated the above specifically because I want SO BADLY for you to believe enough in yourself so that you are NOT afraid of anything that comes your way. I would love to see you embrace any future projects with your arms open wide and with a smile on your face. I have that much belief in you and have never met you, however, from what I have seen of you and your ability to STILL GIVE, even when it seems almost impossible, well, that tells me that Patrick would say the very same thing about you: “You know, I knew she was tough, but I never realized just how tough she was.”
You are ALWAYS in my prayers, always……. Love, Karen
I know that’s what Patrick would be saying. Thanks.
Hey Lisa,
So happy to hear you are enjoying life and living it to it’s fullest. I don’t know what it is but real life human emotions, experiences bring out the poet in me, so here goes.
LAZY SUMMER DAYS
The sound of the soft wind blowing
through the trees,
Makes me feel happy and at peace.
The sound of the ice cream truck
as it goes by,
There is not one single cloud
in the sky.
The smell of fresh barbeque fills the warm air,
I suddenly have no worries or cares.
The sweet crispness of the wine
calms my mind,
And makes me wish life was like this
all the time.
My dogs rest their heads gently upon my knee,
Life at this moment is a sea of
tranquility.
Love you beautiful lady and continue to be happy and live every day as if it were the last. You’re amazing!!!!
Love,
Nikki
Ahhh.
Hi Lisa,
Welcome dear, I miss you a lot. The last time i saw you was when you had gone to Washington for the Meeting of PCR, and before all i wanted to tell you that i promised wore of purple colour these days and it was like that. Then, I saw in the Capitolio and a tv’s interview speaking about all happenned in these days. But after these days, nothing of you. I was very worried. I know you dislike comments in twitter because you don’t answered its, and for this reason i didn’t send it. Everyday first thing i did it, looking twitter for seeing some comments from you or any blog, but nothing. I thought, she will be on holidays, that have to be. Always possitive thoughts. These last days i have had my mother with a bone’s trouble and I did’n entry here, then now in a few minutes i have seeing your comment in your new blog, your holidays, your hooky and well i’m very happy for you. I’m very glad that your hooky, you must have done before girl., but let us a little comment, some life’s sign, haha.
Well Lisa! you’re coming back home, do you want coming back your old life? Really that you need it’s a new life.
Look, i think you needed “This Hooky” because you was very stressed, with washington, with your work and all.
And sure you said: i can’t with more, i’m going outside, far away for to disconnect and i think you has made the best for you. Well done, you needed it.
Although we’re so far, i feel near now. Lisa live, leave your doubts and go ahead.
All my loving for you and my best wishes, as always. Take care XXL
Maite Sánchez
Hi Lisa
pleased to read you are fine and been taking time out for yourself,you really deserve it as you have been so busy raising money and awareness for PAN CAN.
It’s good to take some hooky time.
Lots of love God bless love julie xxox
My dear Norman told me to wait one year, before selling our home (after he was gone.) It was really difficult to live in that empty house, without him. (I felt like I was surrounded by ghosts. Norman’s parents had lived in their house next door – and, they were both deceased too.) Our two sons grew up in that home. They attended and graduated from the same schools that my husband and I went to. When Norman died, at 54 of cancer, I started to plan a different life. I couldn’t go anywhere, that didn’t remind me of him. I sold the house a year later. Upon returning from a “house-hunting trip”, I was overcome with tears and grief in the airport – for having to return to our empty house! Norman would not be happily picking me up from the airport. He would not be happy to have me home… I did have my little dog. (Norman and I had picked him out, just 6 months before his death.)
I know how hard it is to “return” to your old life. You know nothing will be the same from now on. I made up my mind, to move away from the memories, in order to start a new life. So far, I’m doing okay – still lonely without him. It was the right decision for me to leave those memories behind. I don’t think I could’ve moved forward if I hadn’t moved. (Yes, my little dog came with me! And, our younger son too!)
Thank you for your comment. I’ve actually been wondering about selling my house. It’s strange – I’ve experienced the need to move on, and not wanted to at the same time. The reality is, life is different and is already pushing me forward. I can resist, or…
Lisa,
First of all it’s wonderful that you appreciate all the comments on the challenges in front of you. It appears that everyone truly cares about your well-being and that is so refreshing.
I think the question that begs answering is “Do you dread coming home because it’s the house that you shared, or because you are alone?” It’s so easy dive for the most logical solution for an easy fix…..sell the house……. but as you know it’s NEVER that easy……and you’ve voiced some hesitation as to that in your comment above. It would be gut wrenching to move out, and I don’t know if you’re emotionally ready for that. Also, there’s always all these other questions that need to be sorted out, such as: What about the horses? Do I want to continue to raise them? Do I need another ranch, or should I just keep one or two for pleasure? Would I want them on the property, or should I board them out. Oh dear….no horses on the property…..that would be just too uncomfortable……would I want that??…..etc…..etc. Maybe you’ve already tackled some of these issues, but my instinct is that you haven’t. I guess what I would be thinking is that I need a project to get the juices flowing again, and it would be easier for me to get help and redecorate the house rather than move. LISA-IZE everything……make it yours. New colors…..new designs….new motif…new furniture. If you can’t sort through Patrick’s stuff right now, then store it……either on the property, or ideally off-site…..keeping some sentimental things around, of course. If you want to cut back on the horse population, start backing off now. One meaningful thing to do would be to plant new trees to replace the ones that died when Patrick was ill. Renewal of life! It’s all about goals and enthusiasm. You guys always headed toward goals…….now it’s “guy”, but “goals is goals” and you’ve tackled many on your own in the past. Addressing the “alone” thing could be a goal of starting a riding group, and everyone meets to trailride each week……….maybe they could trailer their horse to your property and off you’d go. Then you’d come back to refreshments at the new Lisa-ized digs at the ranch. Maybe change the name to Rancho Sicu or Rancho Lila (since the gods have been messing with you)…who knows….but it’s Lisa’s ranch now……built on the foundation of you and Patrick….that’s a good thing. Maybe you need someone to live there 24/7 and help take care the house, dogs, cats, horses and general stuff for you while tackle some more goals (hopefully getting back into what you love….the dance….the play….the film….the directing….you know all that good, inspiring stuff). Then there’d at least be someone there when you get home….not perfect, but it would do until you get your life balanced once again.
You were always the “wind beneath your Buddy’s wings”, and even though life has struck you a hard blow, your “wind” is still alive and can support you while you learn to use your wings.
Warm wishes,
Nancy
Lisa I glad you have returned. The truth is that we were a little concerned. Already started to be impatient. But
I’m glad that has taken a few days of rest. Again we do not have a bad time with his absence.
Nice photos.
Greetings from Spain.
Lisa, not advice but just a thought: I would keep the home with the most beautiful and memorable times in your life, Weigh out the good and the not so good and decide which will bring you the most peace and smiles as you reminisce ( make a pro and con list if you have to). We’ve all experienced good and sometimes not so likeable moments in our lives but overall choose wisely and carefully. Don’t do it because “people” suggest it or it sounds good, do it because YOU are ready and have thought it through. Remember when you’re vulnerable, everything sounds great til you REALLY think it through. Keep in mind any action you take, once it’s final there is no going back.I wouldn’t want you to have regrets. Everyone is different, and you know yourself better than anyone else. Think about it, pray about and even ask Patrick to help guide you to make the right decision. WHEN THE TIME COMES, and it will, you WILL be at peace and feel happy because you know in your heart you made the right choice. You might want to also keep in mind upkeep, size, financial burdens and of course blessings, that will help you to come to a decision you can live with.. Take your time, decide carefully and choose wisely (emotional, financial, location, & of course accessibility to friends, family and pets). Everyone has advice: listen, take what you need, discard what you don’t or ignore it all if it’s not what you want to do. But most of all be Happy in whatever you do : ) . Please know this is not advice but reflections that I would tell a friend. Good luck my friend. We are here to support you. Love n light xoxo, Nadine
Lisa, going back over your commentary, sounds like your Mom still has her memory intact….wow, what a blessing that is!! And Patsy also. I can’t stress this enough, be with them and let them know how much you really appreciated them for all they have done for you. My mom died of Alzheimer’s and I never knew exactly when she stopped knowing who I was, or of all the memories of the past with the grandkids who meant everything to her. I never got to say good bye when it would have meant something to her….so please enjoy them while you can. Your Mom sounds like a very wise and caring Mom. Sorry, just had to say that….
And I agree with all the comments above, we’d all like to see you happy all the time and not so depressed.
Let your own light shine in your own right….and never forget the past for what it’s taught you. As fans, we all love and respect you so much for who YOU are, and how absolutely perfect you were for Patrick. Good luck on your decisions for the future….I’m still struggling with my own…I know how hard that is.
Hello Lisa,
good to see that you are back.
I was worried about you, too. But you should not feel guilty about not leaving a message, you must do what is right for you. Not what is right for others.
I thought that some of the posts here were quiet interesting.
I can understand the desire to move on and have a new life. Lord knows you deserve it.
But I don’t like the idea that people tell you to sell your house. Do not misunderstand me, if this is what you want to do, this is none of my business. But I ask myself if a house or any other “physical” thing is not just a symbol? Grief is something that happens inside of us, not something connected to things or places. So I don’t think that getting rid of these things will do you any good, if this grief is still part of you.
You are in the happy position that you have no financial burdens upon your decision-making, so why hurry about things? If your home is making you unhappy, why not life somewhere else for a while? Because if you make that decision, there is no way back……….you may regret that decision later, if you hurry to a conclusion now. It’s maybe strange to talk of “hurry” because Patrick is dead for three years now, and most people will expect you to be “normal” again. And maybe you ask yourself sometimes when will things return to “normal” again.
But I don’t think that three years are such a lot of time to rebuild a life that had been totally turned to pieces. I just finished a book about a character that describes how difficult it was for her to build up her life and find out who she really is or wants to be. Took her all her teenage years and young adulthood. And I think this more or less that happens to all people……….
You had your life, but this life is gone forever and nothing will be as it was.
My point is, people need years or even decades to find their places in life, and you should do this in three years? That is a lot to ask for.
You must do what is right for you. And just for you. If you are ready for big moves, make them. But do not let anybody put pressure upon you.
I am sure you will find your way.
Greetings from Germany
This must be a day-job for you,reading and answering to all these comments:)
Thank you for this.
I did not new nor Patrick nor you before 4 months ago.
I never saw that movie before in my life (and I am now 55).
But some month ago I wanted to dance (instead of only jogging).
I did not know a lot of songs, but I new Time of my life and I looked a video on my PC with that song.
And I thought, wow, this is a great dancer.
So it began, I wanted to knew who this man was.
And now I am the biggest fan of you both.
Because of both of you, I see the world with new eyes, I believe again that live is worth living (my husband left me and the children 3 years ago), and I believe that with giving love you can do a lot of things.
You are the greatest inspiration for me (even if I always lived my life in a “never give up way”).
You helped me to change my life, I am happy, I am singing, I am dancing, I am feeling free, I am able to inspire other people, I am able to help people who are not as lucky as I am.
And I thank you for this.
Greetings from Luxembourg
Welcome back Lisa!
So glad that you had such a wonderful break, it was certainly well deserved. We just got back from Greece Thursday evening.
That’s strange, only part of my message has appeared above… Sorry Lisa, I will message you again a little later xx
Right ok, baby asleep so time to finish message… I just wanted to also comment on what you were saying about your thoughts of selling Rancho Bizzarro, I completelely understand why you would be considering selling, I mean it must be hard when you are there all alone what with all the sad memories but what about the happy ones? Somebody commented earlier that the sadness, hurt & darkness can strike at anytime wherever you are as its within you and as you commented in your book you built it up from practically nothing into yours and your Buddy’s first home / sanctuary and I hope I am not speaking out if turn but I just don’t want you to do something that you would regret…but I also know that you are a very clever lady and that you wouldn’t make any decisions without very careful consideration.
Hell Lisa perhaps you should just have a massive paint party to redecorate, we’ll all help!!
Thank you, Joanna. I’m definitely going to take my time with this.
Welcome back from Greece!
Anyhow will sign off for now, glad you are back safe & sound and if after a few days you are really not feeling like you are ready for home you can always jump on a flight to the UK and revel in the crazy atmosphere of the Olympics!!!
Much love as always,
Joanna xxx
Hi Lisa sent a msg but it never made it for some reason so here it is again:
Just a thought: I would keep the home with the most beautiful and memorable times in your life. Weigh out the good and the not so good and decide which will bring you the most peace and smiles as you reminisce
(make a pro and con list if you have to ). We’ve all experienced good and sometimes not so likeable moments in our lives but overall choose wisely and carefully. Don’t do it because “people” suggest it or it sounds good, do it because YOU are ready and have thought it through. Remember when you’re vulnerable, everything sounds great til you REALLY think it through (although I know you are very sensible and this will not be an issue). Keep in mind that any action you take, once it’s final there’s no going back. I wouldn’t want you to have any regrets. Everyone is different, and YOU know yourself better than anyone else. Think about it, pray about it and ask Patrick to help guide you to make the right decision. WHEN THE TIME COMES, and it will, you WILL be at peace and feel happy because you know in your heart you made the right choice.
You might want to also keep in mind upkeep, size, financial burdens and of course blessings that will help you come to a decision you can live with. Take your time, decide carefully and choose wisely (emotional, financial, location, and of course accessibility to family, friends and pets). everyone has advice don’t they! You can listen, take what you need, discard what you dont or ignore it all if it’s not what you want to do. But most of all be HAPPY in whatever you do : ) Please know this is not advice but reflections that I would tell a friend. Good luck my friend. We are here to support you. Sending rainbows of hope your way as always, love n light XOXO Nadine
Dear Lisa
in a way i thought the reason you were away from the radar for a while was a good sign. Thinking about you, i thought she must be getting busy with something. And you were. You did go on a summer holiday and had a great time! Your mind and body are taking you forward just step by step. YOU will be FINE as Patrick says. Sometimes things get worse before they get better.
Lisa little by little i hope for both of you that you will use your grief and turn it into something creative.
Take care Lisa
with lots of Love
Natalie
Thank you, Natalie. XL
Lisa,
I am just preparing to read your book and also came across this blog site. My husband, best friend and love of my life lost his battle with colon cancer just 3 months ago. His battle was just 5 weeks long. He was a handsome healthy 45 year old who made my everyday a better place. I really related to a few of the excerpts from your book and hope to find the strength to read it. I am sure it will take me some time and many tears to get through but i am tackling everyday , one at a time. Thank you.
Sandy
I am so sorry for the very tough you are going through. Know that you are not alone. It really helped me to know that. XXL
it is imperative:
I need more posts about you!!!!!
loves!!!
Hi Lisa – Glad you had a good break in beautiful Boston and Cape Cod. Looking through the comments – perhaps at this early stage a less drastic option than selling your California ranch could be the one suggested of having someone look after it for you initially – maybe a relative or friend with the necessary skills – or perhaps to rent it out, rather than sell, as property is usually a good long term investment. Maybe Patrick still spends time at his ranches and this could be less painful for you too at this stage? Of course, many people would need to sell a property in order to free up capital to buy another, but perhaps you can buy a new place for your new life without having to get rid of your California ranch completely at this point? Just a thought Lisa, as in the end only you can decide what is right for you. A friend of mine in England bought an isolated cottage in the country with her husband who has now passed, which suited them as a couple but is now a very lonely place just for one person. She is planning to rent it out as a “holiday let” and use the money to rent a place for herself in the town she lived in before she met her husband, where she still has relatives and friends and will feel less isolated and alone. Another friend who is a writer chose to live in a location which inspires his writing – focus on directing work may influence any decision re location of any new place you might choose to buy for yourself – although with your own plane your choice is much wider than would be the case for many people, of course. Maybe “playing hooky” has shown you the pathway for nothing too permanent or drastic at this time. Perhaps just renting a new place and renting out or having someone manage your ranch for you initially will give you the freedom to experiment with your “new life” without cutting all ties with your California ranch. That way you can change your mind about where you want to have a new base without having to sell up and you won’t risk any future regrets by selling your ranch at this stage? Or with someone looking after the California ranch you can just opt to travel and explore the world for a while from your New Mexico base, if necessary having someone manage that for you also – if you may want the freedom to come and go as you feel inclined? Everyone is wishing you good luck with your new adventures as well as looking forward to hearing about them when you choose to share them in a new book or blog, etc! You have been missed whilst AWOL Lisa!!! As all the comments here very clearly show, and all wishing the very best for you and your future. x
Thanks, Lynn. XL
I think that selling your ranch is not a good idea at this stage. I think it is tooo much important for you but I completely agree with Lynn.
Anyway, is it possible to buy your book outside of the US? I have been looking for it in Chile but it was impossible to find it.
Thank you for your blog and for sharing your private feelings. I really appreciate them. You remind me my parents who have a singular love story.
Hmm. You may need to order it online. Thank you, Denisse.
Since my husband died in 2006 I just wanted to hide. Lost my soul
It’s tough to recovery. No doubt about it. Hang in there, and appreciate the good things that come your way.
What’s up, I log on to your blog like every week. Your humoristic
style is awesome, keep up the good work!
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