Pushing the edge of the envelope… I remember hearing that phrase and wondering, what does that mean? It was years later when I started to fly that I finally learned – in aviation, you have performance graphs, which cover the many facets of your aircraft’s capabilities – maximum speed, maximum altitude, maximum “G” loading, maximum payload etc. On the graph, there is a large, irregular-shaped box, and it’s called “the envelope”, and once you enter temperature, weight, and other items that affect flight, you find out if the point that it all meets falls inside the envelope, or out.
This gives you an idea. Wish I had one more exciting, like, for stalls. O' well.
“Inside,” basically assures you of safe flight, given the known capabilities of your airplane.
“Outside,” Uh, you’ll probably crash, or never even take off.
And “pushing the edges of the envelope?” Ah, now you are a test pilot, and are experimenting with/pushing the limits of what your aircraft is capable of.
I have two widow friends who also lost their husbands to cancer (this happened within a year and a half of each other), and in addition to bolstering each other up when needed, we encourage each other to do things that are out of our comfort zone. Push the edges of our own envelopes, if you will. Which, to tell you the truth, can be pretty easy considering that sometimes getting out of bed is a feat, or rather – way “outside” our personal “performance” at a given moment. But a challenge is a challenge anyway you cut it!
I’m lucky to have friends (widows, or not) that have really helped me. I don’t know if I would have struck out so confidently and with so much energy if not for them. And I think that I am starting to be able to think outside the box for myself, entertaining possibilities that I would have dismissed before, and dismissed…for no good reason, ya know?
Why push out of my comfort zone? In a way, I’ve been training myself. I’ve been training myself to embrace change – and doing it in such a clever way that spares me from having to face the painful change that has already happened in my life, which of course is, that I am doing this now on my own. Pushing the edges of the comfort zone can also help to keep loneliness at bay. And it gives me things to look forward to. Best of all, I’m not sitting at home depressed!
Now – to really push out of your comfort zone, it needs to be a bit daring. Here’s a small sample of some of my “pushing the envelope” items:
Hi Louboutins definitely push beyond the comfort zone. But it didn't stop me from dancing until 5 am in a Milan nightclub.
I’ve traveled on my own. I stopped drinking tea nonstop during the day (Don’t laugh, THIS WAS HUGE). Started playing poker, both home games and casinos. I try to sit in different places in my home. Accepted all invitations possible, even if I didn’t want to go. Painted my bedroom a wild color. Love it! (I’m regretting my closet color, though). Camped in the wilderness on my own. Made a bucket list. Went to see a roller derby game. Went to a strip club, and, oh yeah, wrote a book.
My camp. Looks like a park, doesn't it?
Pushing past my comfort zone has yielded valuable lessons for me. I’ve learned from poker, and I’ve discovered things about myself from my bucket list. And there’s the relief of just having a good time watching roller derby, or waking to a beautiful sunrise in nature. And some times – my efforts yield nothing at all. But, in all cases, I am getting up, and I’m embracing, and learning about what this life may be for me. It like starting from ground zero, you know?
Speaking of zero – as in zero to “162 mph in 3.6 seconds… This last weekend, my two widow friends and I flew to Daytona Beach, Florida, for an action-packed weekend at the Rolex 24 race. It would prove to be another one of our most excellent, epic adventures, and was my first car race. And, as we were to find out…like a lot of envelope-bending endeavors, it would unclog some unexpected things.
Talk about different! Yeah!
Lisa you sound wonderful. Energetic, confident- I am so happy you are finding your way. They say time heals all wounds, but you also have to be open to new territory and experiences. I wish I could have met you while you were in FL. I only live about 2 hrs from Daytona, but I am recovering from surgery and could not attend the race. Maybe there will be another opportunity for me to meet you sometime. I’d love to talk horses (I have 6). In the meanwile, here’s to pushing the envelope…..Enjoy!
Ingrid
Thanks, IMenella. And I hope your recovery is speedy! L
Why is it that being widowed does this to so many? It’s a curious thing, I think. Even if you were fortunate enough to be married to someone who didn’t ‘hold you back’, being widowed all of the sudden frees you somehow to do things you wouldn’t have done before. I’m not sure why that is. But here’s to you and your friends… and the rest of us who have been there too, that never stopped pushing the envelope and playing on the tracks. Great post. Many hugs, Lisa.
Wow, Lisa! I loved reading all of your “pushing the envelope” items! I know what you mean about drinking tea all day. I have the same problem with sweet tea here in NC! 🙂 Speaking of painting your bedroom, I need to paint mine! Maybe I should go with a wild color! Right now, it’s just plain white with a bunch of scratches! Anyways, I’m SO glad to see you getting out there and having fun!!! You go, girl! As always, much love to you! XX
PS. LOVE your shoes! But, I don’t see how you danced in them! I wouldn’t even be able to walk wearing heels that high!
I was surprised that I could dance in those shoes (walking is challenging enough)! But, if there is a will, there is a way! And I wasn’t about to pass up a chance to dance.
A wonderful dancer like you should never pass up a chance to dance! 🙂 XX
LISA IF YOU WANT TO COME TO MILAN BOTH KNOW WHY ‘I admire you SO MUCH … And I admired MUCH PATRICK
I am so glad you are moving on with your life. I lost my first husband at 24 which was very young (55 now) but one thing I have learned through my life losing loved ones, you have to remember they would not want you to be sad and they only want what is best for you.. Everyday I miss my dad, but I don’t cry because my dad never wanted to see me cry.
Lisa you inspire me! I always was a fan of Patrick and that means being a fan of you! My heart broke for the tough journey I knew you must be facing at the time of his illness. It wasn’t until my father who passed this last December 24th, that I went on this spiritual journey to find answers to so many things I didn’t know about life and death. My journey has stunned me and in many ways good. It lead me to your book Worth Fighting For. I was amazed, inspired and comforted by what you both went through and got chills that the journey was so much like that of my fathers. From the kind of many my father was to the last day when he passed and she ( his wife) wouldn’t let his body go until it was cold.Your story is amazing and now you have an amazing and powerful angel on the other side looking out for you! I wish you the best and pray for your sadness to dim, so that you can enjoy the rest of your life ..which it seems you are doing Love & Light Gina
XXL
Lisa you are my inspiration to push forward and be strong.My husband has cancer and I am the only one taking care of him,being a caregiver for a loved one is the hardest thing I have ever done(including giving birth and raising 2 boys)Do you have suggestions on how to stay focused and strong?? Sometimes I feel like I am losing it and can’t handle the pressure,
It’s incredible to me that everyone thought I was being so “strong” during my husband’s illness. It took everything I had. Sometimes I concentrated on just getting through one day, sometimes through one moment. As I’ve mentioned before – try to give yourself some breaks when you can. It may not be much, but it’s better than nothing! Go shop, read, something that isn’t focused on the illness for an hour, or two. It’s hard to do, I know! But you have to keep yourself healthy, too. It’s a tough, and yet, a very delicate time. Be gentle with yourself.
Hi Donna,
I just wanted to send you warm thoughts and hugs, I have been there and I remember. You are right, being a caregiver is so hard and changes so many things. I wish I had magic words to truly help, but just know that so many of us ‘get it’. Thinking of you. Diana
Hearing about your adventures makes me smile. I just finished your book and enjoyed getting to know you through it. Your honesty about you journey inspires me and I am happy to hear you doing some new things.
Bravo Lisa
You and your friends are growing and building new lives for yourselves. It’s really exciting and I applaud you. Keep up the good work. My coping mechanism is keeping busy, so busy that I can’t think and dwell on my grief. It always works for me.
Joan
I understand the keeping busy M.O.! It does help. And I don’t think it’s avoiding feeling. I’ve found that the feelings come up no matter what you do!!!
Lisa i like to hearing you are trying to live your life fully. Thanks for telling your adventures.
Take care,
Lisa, buddy is always watching and willing with you to go for it grab all the lovely ooportunities and new goals in life, that’s what he wants u to do, and of course both your names r engraved in eachothers heart. /o girl, you should of been a comic or movie superhero both of u! Well to me you r!!! Love always Elisa xx
Wow Lisa
You have really been going for it well done. It’s fun but at the same time it’s hard work to do, you are really getting your life together.
Just you take care Lisa as it can sometimes unexpectantly be painful but you just keep picking yourself up and you will find it gets easier without having to try.
Pleased to read your lovely blogs you are great with putting your feelings down, I always find it hard still to put them down in words.
you take care God Bless love Julie xxx
Thanks, Julie. Picking myself up does take effort sometimes. But what is the alternative? Not a good one. I can’t help but think that there’s a purpose for me – why I’m still here. I’m going to keep picking myself up until I find out what it may, or may not be. That it gets easier is a nice thought!!!
Wow Lisa all I can say is that was one very inspirational blog!! Oh and the shoes are amazing! Lorna.xx
I always get compliments when I wear those shoes. And always from women! I don’t think men understand!
Lisa.
It’s great to hear that you are able to react.
And do this as best as you can! Your adventures are fantastic and such an inspiration!
I’m happy for you. I’m happy to hear that you are going on.
You are a very, very strong and determined person. And so honest.
Try to do everything you can, to feel well with yourself.
Always thank you.
With Love;
God Bless You!
Nadia.
Lisa dear,
Need we say more? I like to read you are trying to overcome your heartbreak and I see that you are in good voice!!! Patrick is and will remain always in our heart!! And your shoes?? I adore … they are beautiful. Thank you for sharing your feelings carry you well ♥
Just finished reading your book – it was difficult but wonderful reading and tears rand down my cheeks many times. I lost my husband nearly 4 years ago to throat cancer – diagnosed 25 July, but sadly died 10 August, just two weeks later. Even in such a short timeframe, his determination to beat it – as was yours and Patricks was immeasurable. Stay strong, as much as you dont want it to, life does pick itself up again.
Hello Lisa,
You are a great inspiration for me .admire your strength even if it for you is not simple.
are also finished with your book and very beautifully written. Thank you for your great Book.
Do you like Postcards ?I send you a Postcard from Amberg in Germany.
Love and Light
yours
Simone
Lisa, you truly are my inspiration, I too lost my husband of 23 years to cancer 3-1/2 years ago, it was the hardest thing I’ve have ever gone through, as I look back at the 16 months of his illness I still don’t know I got through it all, being the sole caregiver of your husband is exhausting both physically and emotionally. It definetly taught me alot about myself and made me a stronger person in the end, it’s amazing to me how many things I did while taking care of my husband and you don’t even think about you just do. Your book
“Worth Fighting For” is amazing I almost felt as if I were reading my life journal, I look forward to hearing you speak in Phoenix later this month. I am glad you are “pushing the envelope” it’s not an easy thing to do.
Dear Lisa,
by reading your actual blog, I found out that at the moment I live absolutely in my comfort zone – I know, I shouldn´t do that – but I´m to afraid of all the things who are outside it….
Reading your blog is very inspiring, and I know, I will find a way outside this zone. I don´t know what has happened, I once was a very alive girl – the light has disappeared for the moment.
But I will pack my bags and I think I should go out next week! Despite the many people who are outside there – I can´t stand to many people beside me, they make me nervous….. I´m glad that I have the opportunity to live in the middle of nowhere – but this opportunity supports my fear to much – actually not good for me…. But the light will come back – I hope soon!
Thank you for giving strength and positive energy to so many people, including me! Tanja
By the way: Your shoes are amazing – I´m jealous, I must confess….One day I will take the same picture of my feet, with my own pair of Loubous – yeah! 🙂
Lisa, you are such an inspiration. I just felt the need to reach out to you because, just last night, I finished reading “Worth Fighting For.” My goodness, YOU are a hero. I can’t help but love you for what you did for your husband. He was fabulous but SO ARE YOU. Thank you for writing this book and sharing your experience. –Kathey
Wow, Lisa! I fell on my face just looking at those shoes! lol
I love reading about your experiences….past and present. In fact, I am having surgery on Feb. 14th (I know, it seems wrong to have surgery on Valentine’s Day, right??) and I will have at least a two week recovery and that is when I will finally dive into your latest book. I’m really looking forward to reading it, although it will be difficult too. Of course, I know its not going to take me two weeks to read this book….leaves time to watch One Last Dance and some other great movies that I haven’t seen in awhile!!! 🙂
Stay strong! I’m am currently reading your new book. My grandfather passed from this diesease when I was a young girl and I never new really what it was till y’alls story broke in the headlines…Patrick was and is my all time favorite movie stars. I realized that no one really talks about it and I wanted to know more. You are so brave I prayy for you. Ps, love those shoes!
Lisa,
I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you. I just finished your book and it made me laugh at times, cry at times and wonder if I could ever be that strong. My husband is on the liver transplant list but the Doctors have no idea if he will ever get one and he is at very high risk of liver cancer, the thought of going thru that scares me and to lose him well I just can’t imagine it at all. I have always been a very very huge fan of Patricks and it broke my heart when he passed, of course nothing like it broke yours. I still love to watch his movies and think of what a great man/actor/person/husband he was. Keep moving forward and know he is always with you. I love your blogs and your posts on twitter.
Take care of yourself and push that envelope!!!!
Your in my prayers
Loving those killer heels!! Lisa you appeared strong to the world! But anyone who has lost a loved one knows the sickening gut wrenching feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes with that stage of greif! Because someone doesnt break down and cry doesnt mean that ‘theyre holding it together! Friends and family help to take the mind off things! But always remember this!… Thoose rough days of crying and feeling low, and at rock bottom, is one day closer to feeling better! I have been seeing a medium in glasgow for as long as I can remember and he always told me! ‘When you hurt he hurts!..when you cry he crys!..and he cant stop me crying but I have the power to stop him crying for me and make him look down and smile,! Hope you also get comfort from this lisa!xxx
Dear Lisa,
I wish you the strength and the spirit to do whatever you wanna do … every single day!
Luv your blogs and your humility for life. Thx for sharing your thoughts, fears and good days with us!