Okay. To tell the truth, I’ve been in such a major funk these past three months and I haven’t wanted to write about it too much. It’s been a different kind of grief and feeling bad, as terrible as it’s ever been because this one has had the element of hopelessness thrown into it.
And on top of all of it – my birthday was coming up. Nooooo! “I’m skipping my B’day this year,” I texted a friend when she asked. I knew that ignoring these holidays didn’t work, they always come and bite you anyway, but what else could I do? The thought of isolating myself, holing up in a little ball in New Mexico, and never coming out again, had been sounding more and more like a good idea.
I did not want to do another birthday without my Buddy.
I had just gotten back from attending my niece’s graduation from Boston University where I actually had a good time (as tends to happen when I’m traveling, and doing something different). But on the way back to LA, I closed my eyes and cried on the plane, and cried in the car on the way home. And when I woke up the next day, I was surprised…
I felt pretty good.
And I had the thought, “Maybe I’ll celebrate my Birthday after all.” And then, I’m going to throw a barbeque!” Not just any barbeque, but one like Patrick and used to do. In the past, we cut up wood, and fired up our smoker, cooking ribs, salmon, brisket… It took all day to cook, sometimes two days if we were smart, and then our friends would come and enjoy the food, play, and generally have a good time.
For me, the thought I putting on one of our parties fired me up; I guess because, in a way, I was paying homage to something Patrick and I had done together, and had not done in a long time.
Stacking up of some of my serving dishes.
I was bringing back the classic “Niemi Swayze Barbeque” menu!
With only a few days to prepare, I launched into cleaning, organizing the house, patio, pulling out all our boxed up party stuff from the garage, and making long “to do” lists. And in really looking at my house, for the first time, I saw how far it had drifted. I found things in strange places: a folding chair behind a curtain, a kitty litter box (used) behind some boxes, stacks of books and papers, empty plant pots… Since Patrick passed, I thought I had been pretty good about slowly, but surely cleaning things up. And now I saw that I must have been in some kind of hazy dream. There were things I just couldn’t see. And now, all around me was classic evidence of “Widow’s” neglect. Remnants of a bruised, and battered life.
It was eye opening…
And in cleaning, I did one thing I hadn’t yet been able to do– I moved my husband’s packed boxes, and duffle bags of clothes and shoes from my entry hall. Stuff messily piled up and choking this space for over two and a half years.
Patrick & me at one of our early BBQs in the 80s, temps in the 90s!
And, unlike I feared, it was not emotionally difficult. It was exciting to see my entry hall clean again!! I think the fact that I was bringing back our barbeque, helped to make this task light…easy. It felt like, if Patrick could have picked up items and moved them himself, he would have. He would have wanted it looking good for the party.
You know, I had been given the advice that I should move Patrick’s stuff only when I was ready to; whether that’s today, or ten, or twenty years from now. And in a strange way, waiting for this to happen has not been easy. I kept wondering when that time was going to come. Would it ever come? And even if it did come? Would I recognize it?
I’m here to tell you – you’ll know. So, rest easy. No need to push it, ever. Instead of moving these clothes being a painful experience – it became an act of love, and honor.
Now granted, I just moved all of this stuff to the other end of the house! But – I – moved – them. And felt good about it.
And the party was wonderful! 35- 40 people came over, and the house was full of happy sounds. Amazing how those happy sounds put sparkle in the air. I made the best brisket I’ve ever made in my life. And the salmon was touted to be the best ever tasted – bar none.
Here’s my menu:
With Atticus, one of my smaller guests.
Smoked: Brisket, Pork Ribs, Chicken drumsticks, Salmon
Caesar Salad with homemade dressing & croutons
Roasted potatoes with rosemary & garlic
Grilled corn on the cob
Chocolate cake, large fruit tart
Ice cream
And it was delicious!
And the next morning, I did something else that I always did, and havn’t done in a long time… I ate cake for breakfast.
Reading you blog made my smile soo much my family had no clue what was going on! It sounded like a really great party and the food sounds amazing! Keep smiling Lisa! You make the world light up!
Dear Lisa you are a brave and strong person.
I just finished to read your last book, well it maked me crying so much, and now reading all this thing well it makes me laughing for you.
Keep smiling Lisa!! I’m sure Patrick will look after you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE
Lisa keep thinking that your buddy will wait you overther
And keep thinking that you have been a very lucky
person staying with a man like he was!
In the book you always says that he was always
strong even in painless…..
Remember: behind a strong man there is always
a strong woman….. and you are!!!!!
I have just read Lisa’s touching story about Patrick’s last days; “Worth Fighting For”. I felt so close to Lisa as I am a widower too. I was married to my sweetheart just like her, and my story ended in a disaster. I was envious to her love story, since she was there with him up until the last minute, as his wife. There are sadder love stories in the world. I was miles away from my sweetheart, when he was dying with his first heart attack. His heart beats were with me for many years.
Lisa is a brave, strong and hard-working girl. Writing a book about Patrick and his strength was a great idea. In fact it was her great service to his and her fans. When you are in the public eye as a couple, fans are extremely curious about your life. Having the story from the first account is very important. This is why, I loved their book “The Time of My Life”………. It is consoling to see that Lisa is keeping up the good work. Maybe she will give us a museum after all. Patrick and Lisa being real Texans their Ranches (either of them) would bring great interest to the world audiences.
I am not an all American like Swayzes. However, I am an Americano, who is very much interested in Houstonian life-style.
My fanship for Patrick was my first and last fanship. I miss him like the rest of his friends, family and fans. Reading Lisa’s book was like hearing from Patrick. It was great. Lisa is a great writer, no doubt about that. I would like to send her my congratulations and thanks for writing such a good book. Well Done!
I am sure Patrick is now dancing with the angels, but he is also keeping a close eye on what is going on in the world (in this vomit bag).
Who knows, maybe we can please him with our aftermath works…
We have to wait patiently for the good things to happen to us, and never give up hope.
All the best to all who love Patrick Wayne Swayze.
Fellow gemini. Glad you had a good birthday. Since I lost my so in 2010 I so understand
how hard it is doing things differently. Wishing u happy tomorrows!
WOW! Way to go Lisa. Sounds like you had a great day, but more importantly sounds like you are starting to heal. It’s great that you were able to throw a bar-b-que like you used to with Patrick – and feel good about it. You’ve come a long way on your journey without him, but look at where you are now! I really enjoy reading your blog. I can identify with some of your feelings and I thoroughly enjoy sharing your travels. Cake for breakfast…I’ll have to try that…
Ingrid
It was like the title of the blog – unexpected. Thank you, IMenella.
Good for you! Patrick “Buddy” would want you to be happy! I’m quite sure that he is smiling down at you now for taking that step! Start with the “Baby Steps” & everything else will fall in place. 🙂
Lisa, sounds like you had a great time. It really feels good when plans are spontaneous, takes the anxiety out of plannning and planning weeks in advance. I have found that the best times are had when it’s spontaneous without the formalities. I’M SURE YOU WORKED YOUR BUTT OFF trying to get things ready but in the end it was worth it, wasn’t it? The menu sounded delish and that chocolate cake yum! I also loved the look of that fruit tart. You looked great, didn’t look like a woman cleaning, preparing and cooking all day. It bet it did feel good , as you do more and more ( at your own pace) you’ll begin to realize it is nice getting back into the swing of life. You must have been exhausted the next day but I’m sure it was a nice happy rewarding feeling. What a memorable birthday ( get it…Memorial Day bday) and cake for breakfast, why not you deserve it! Love the 80’s pic… proof that Patrick invented the mullet ; ) Remember keep in touch with friends of both yours and Patrick’s, stay close to family: yours and Patrick’s, treat yourself to something you enjoy from time to time, and look for new things to get involved in. Life is way too short not to make the most of it, not that you haven’t learned that, but time just seems to fly and before you know it, you’re wondering “where did it go and what have I done”. Love the blog keep it up. Sending rainbows of hope your was as always. Love n Light XOXO Nadine
Thanks, Nadine. And yes, while I was preparing the BBQ, I was reminded of how much work it really it! And yes, again – it was worth every bit of my effort!
@ Nadine only Patrick can make a mullet look so good!
Joselyn,I, agree, everything on Patrick looked great, didn’t it? What a hunk! Lisa was a lucky girl and Patrick was extremely blessed. A fitting pair. Nadine
Lisa, I’m so glad that you decided to have a birthday party…you most definitely deserved it! And, what a wonderful idea to pay homage by doing something you and Patrick always did. I know he was right there watching over you and celebrating with you the whole time. BTW, your menu sounds SO delicious! I love caesar salad, but never make it because I can’t find a good recipe for the dressing (I don’t really like the bought kind). So, if you have any tips you don’t mind sharing…Ha, ha! 🙂
As always, much, much love to you! XXX
PS. Love the pictures! Atticus is adorable!
PPS. The cake looks amazing!
So lovely to hear the smile in your words…This weekend was my gorgeous daughter’s 40th birthday and my husband smoked pickled pork, we had marinated chicken wings, her famous potato bake, 3 roasts done in webber barbeques , and the biggest chocolate cake ever….being together lifted everyone’s spirits and, yes, there was cake for breakfast. Best wishes Cherrylm.
Awesome!!
Hi Lisa
How wonderful to read your post and see how it went from a sense of hopelessness to a gratitude of hopefulness. It sounded like you truly enjoyed yourself busily preparing for having friends over.
Best wishes.
Angela
..Hopeless…to hopefulness. I love how you put that. XL
I am very happy to see that you had a great time. We always say must left time do its work. How true! We can be happy in another way. And when you talk about time, it is true that it is variable. To my sister, it took him nine years before we meet again. The message I read is that he must not despair, we can still live good things even if it’s different. Lisa thank you, much love for you.
So glad the day turned out well for you….hope this is the beginning of more. The funks are part of the scheme….coming out of them feels so good. I bought a new car today….mostly out of necessity, but also part because I wanted to do it for me…something I haven’t done in 3 years. Now, just hope I can do the payments without too much problem!!!! I think Mike wanted me to do it, though. At least, thats what I told myself. Time will tell. Your cake looked yummy. Love to you, Lisa…you are doing so much better. Maybe we all are a little….
Although it won’t cure the ails of this world, driving a car you love can put a smile on your face. I know mine does often!
Dear Lisa,
it seems like you had fun a lot!And It´s make me so happy to hear about it.Sometimes crying help us to feel better.Keep smiling and don´t worry. Patrick is happy with you and watching over you saying I LOVE YOU.
Sending you love and light,
Take care beautiful lady.<3
Dear Lisa! Seding you many big big Hugs from Germany! So great to read that you had such a nice birthday! I`m sure that your Buddy had smiled down from Heaven .. when seing you celebrating your birthday the same way you always did when he was there with you in all this years..! Lisa.. this is a very very nice way to honour his memory…. and it`s so good to see you smiling on one of the photos taken at the party!
I can feel the big and true Love you have for your Buddy in every word you write… you are such a brave wonderful..lovely and beautiful lady… and your Buddy is with you… with every step you do!!!! He is your angel..and takes care that everything will be fine with you!!
Sending you my Love and a big Kiss… from far away Germany.. Regine
Your menu sounds absolutely delicious! However, we don’t have a smoker, so is there some way that we could achieve the same wonderful effect of that delicious meat and fish on a gas grill? BTW, what is brisket?? We are SO very happy that you did this barbecue!! There is no way that I could ever attempt that on my own!! You must have some really good friends – I would have been a nervous wreck!! Also, how did you make your Caesar salad with your own homemade dressing, (primarily, what is your dressing recipe and do you use it for regular salads too, and last but not least, how did you do your roasted potatoes (redskins or bakers, with the skins off or on?), wrapped in tinfoil with the delicious garlic – whole or crushed – and did you roast them in the oven or on a gas grill (which is what we have – when you live “Up North” you need to stay with the heat!! and how much garlic (whole or chopped and how much rosemary…. ??) Well, I bet you won’t ever want to take another comment from me,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Sorry, I am NOT a good cook, but Gary is and he also knows how to “wing it” when he needs to. We have a role reversal here… He shops and cooks and I build the fire each cold day and keep the house spotless (we are retired, but Gary works 2 day a week in a Clinic Laboratory as a registered medical technologist. Sorry, you do NOT need to know all of this information!!
I have to aplogize in advance. It was NOT my intention to simply ask you for what sounded to be your wonderful recipes, honestly!! I first of all wanted to say that you are “THE BOMB!!!!” You are one amazing lady who had a courage that you STILL DO NOT EVEN RECOGNIZE WITHIN YOURSELF TO PUT ON A BARBECUE PARTY FOR YOUR FRIENDS IN HONOR OF YOUR BUDDY!!!!!!!!
I JUST TRULY DO HOPE THAT YOU DO REALIZE THE SELF-C0NFIDENCE THAT THIS ALL TOOK ON YOUR PART AND THAT YOU MAY JUST BE “VERY GENTLY” REALIZING THAT YOU HAVE SO MUCH, SO VERY MUCH MORE STRENGTH INSIDE THAN WHAT YOU EVER, EVER REALIZED.
ALSO, please do NOT be afraid or hesitate to share with us your grief with the element of hopelessness. This is something that I hate to admit that I feel way too often. However, if we keep these feelings from one another for fear of bringing someone else down, then we all will never “get anywhere!”
Love you and pray for you daily,
K&G
A good barbeque-r always keeps he cooking secrets!
I am so glad you had a fantastic birthday.it must of been so nice to have the sound of happiness back in the house after so long and owning that space back after two and a half years. the “Niemi Swayze BBQ” sounds absolutely divine especially the salmon.
I will be the first to admit I have had cake for breakfast many times over the past years, so there has been plenty of 30 km walks to compensate for all the birthday cake eating throughout the years!! .
Catherine
P.S congratulations to your niece on her graduation, I just started my academic journey and sooo looking forward to graduation when I can put all this theory into practice.
Good luck in your studies!
thank you!
Congrats on your b-day, happy for you that you were able to have friends over and have a party. Your pictures are great, love the one of you & Patrick at an earlier bbq. As my loss is different than yours, I still find it very hard to celebrate my b-day, but after reading this, maybe this year I might try. Not saying I will, as I have till the last day of the year to decide. I am sure there will be days when I will say, ‘I’ll give it a shot’, and days when I ‘ll say, ‘No, I don’t want too’, Just have to wait and see I guess. Blessings to you for being able to take this step. Prayers for you to continue healing. Patricia
P.S. I will have a cake so I can try cake for breakfast the next day.
Glad you had an unexpectedly good birthday, it is strange how sometimes the simplest things like having a clearout, moving some boxes (big step) and doing something you enjoyed doing with your Buddy could bring you a brighter day… I am certain there will be more to come for you. I also know there are two more difficult dates coming up for you but perhaps if you repeat what you did for your birthday that they too will bring you another couple of unexpectedly brighter days too but if they don’t well vent here, you have so much love and support all over the world and many people that would be happy to help you through… Sometimes we need people on hand to vent too that are not as close to us as friends & family…
Much love Lisa,
Joanna xx
Lisa, you are beautiful!!! Congratulations and be very very happy!!! Kisses in your heart! Stay with God!
Thank You Lisa for sharing.
You are inspiration. I wake up today morning after very hard week. My best friend is after major surgery with diagnosis CANCER. In very close future CHEMO.
After reading your new blog, I know what to do: We will fight this together, and We will have great time like We did for last 27 years.
” Lean on me, when you’re not strong,
and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on,
“til I’m going to need somebody to lean on ”
PS. I have filing I will be reading your book ” Worth Fighting For” over and over again…………..
Dear Lisa,
since I read your blog, you give me the impression to be on roller coaster and when the machine goes too fast and can hurt you or frighten, then I would like to stop it ; but I can’t … And at unexpected moment, everything calms down . High in the air, you seem serene and seem to admire the view from here. You are so free and light.
Take care,
clem
Hey Lisa,
It is nice to hear that you spent a nice birthday party and I am sure that Patrick was with you on your birthday as he always is and smiled proud at you. I would be so happy for you if your getting better and the pain does not hit you with such a strenght.
When I would like to send you something and I send it to the contact address as stated on this homepage, will you receive it?
I have one more question. What are the temperatures in May typically for California. Is it in June significant warmer?
Melanie from Germany
my best mailing address is my publicist:
Lisa Niemi Swayze
c/o WKTPR
9350 Wilshire Blvd, Suite 450
Beverly Hills 90212
From here it’ll get hotter, and hotter, with Aug being the warmest month!
Thank you very much for the quick and helpful reply!
good to know 🙂
I love your dishes. It has a certain air of Spanish. Where bought her?
They are actually Italian. I love them, too.
Reading your blog, gave me hope. I too, feel like I’m moving in slow motion. Its been 8 months since I lost my husband, of 40 years, and my daughter, 36 years old. I don’t think I’m ever going to move something of his, then one day, I just do it, I know its the right time. Its baby steps. My first birthday, without them, was one month after the accident. A very hard and lonely day. Not looking forward to the next one. Thank you for posting.
I write in my book “Worth Fighting For” about my attempts to avoid the holidays. Of course it doesn’t work. Holidays are hard, very hard. XXL
Hola Lisa, espero haya disfrutado de su cumpleaños. Este será mi primer cumpleaños sin mi madre, espero poder dormir todo el día, no lo soporto.
Muy simpatico el niño que está a su lado.
Lisa,
Wow! Sounds like a great party! Must have been bittersweet. Seems like you had the right idea for celebrating your birthday the way you did and I bet SOMEBODY was looking on and smiling! I’m sure it’s not easy, but good for you for mustering up the courage and energy to throw a Niemi-Swayze style BBQ! What a wonderful way to keep Patrick a part of all you do, by carrying on traditions you had together.
~Katy
LISA
YOUR POSTS ALWAYS SEEM TO APPEAR TO ME WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST. I HAVE STRUGGLED ALL DAY WITH THE SAME ISSUES AS YOU ARE IN THIS POST . SINCE MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN DECEMBER , RIGHT AROUND CHRISTMAS, I SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY ZEST FOR ANYTHING. I USED TO CLEAN LIKE A NUT. NOW I FIND IT HARD TO DO THE EVERYDAY TASKS OF KEEPING A HOME AND FAMILY.
MY YOUNGEST SON GRADUATES ON JUNE 4TH AND TODAY I WAS BUSY PLANNING HIS PARTY FOR JUNE 9TH. I LIKE YOU, AM STRUGGLING TO GET THROUGH THIS MILESTONE ALONE WITHOUT MY HUSBAND BY MY SIDE. I SAT AND CRIED AT KITCHEN TABLE JUST FEW MINUTES AGO ABOUT HOW WAS I GOING TO DO THIS GRADUATION ALONE. THEN I CAME ONLINE AND SAW YOUR POST. LIKE YOUR BBQ I AM GOING TO CONCENTRATE ON MAKING THIS PARTY THE WAY BOBBY RAY AND I ALWAYS MADE OUR PARTIES. THANKS FOR GIVING ME THE PUSH I SO NEEDED TODAY.
COLLEEN
PS/ HUGS
A hug back atcha! XXL
Wow, once again you showed how strong and powerful you really are!! I would never attempt to have that large of a party and do the cooking myself!! I’m truely a “Nervous Nelly” when it comes to entertaining. So glad to see you happy!!!!! Loved the dishes!
Hi Lisa,
I am glad to see that life gets over the pain, and gradually returning the small pleasures. And others, new, arrive. Smile and start enjoying life does not mean we forget those we love so far, on the contrary, it makes them proud of us, and pay tribute to what they were. And then somedays the pain is present, and you must live with it. Enjoy all those wonderful days that make you regain some energy, to better face the other ones. It’s so nice to see you smile, and it gives courage and strength in our lives.
I started to translate your book in French (110 pages) : it’sdifficult, it takes a lot of time, but I have great joy in reading what you write, I feel as I live what I read : I laugh, I cry, I complain, I despair, I take heart and hope … but it’s sure, I really like it. Thank you.
Thank you, Steph!
Hey Lisa, I just called your PA’s offices to find out if I could track the song I sent you that you say you haven’t received and was a little disappointed to learn that although they signed for it at reception they then forward it through US mail service to deliver! So looks like it got lost on route which is a shame :o( If you would like to hear ‘ Tumbling Down’ though it’s now on iTunes or CDbaby under the name Jo Fox track no. 5 I think… Only thing you have to pay a few cents for the download which I didn’t want you to do… Just wanted to share. So sorry you didn’t receive it but if you do happen to have a listen I would love to know.
Love
Joanna
xx
Oooh. I’ll look around.
That would be great Lisa… Must admit I also popped in a couple of pics of my babies too that I hoped would make you smile! ;o) As I write this my 4 and a half month old baby girl is mischievously smiling up at me after rolling for the first time… Lisa I just had a thought, if I sent thesame thing again how about if I sent it via Margaret?
Joanna xx
Happy Birthday! I just had my big 60 this month, it was a hard one for me too, since my life has been turned upside down for several years now. I understand everything you said, I rarely smile from the heart. I am proud you had a good day and hope they just get better and easier.
Hiya Lisa
I was feeling a little low before reading your blog. My brother died 3 days before my birthday four years ago, so I tend to have mixed feelings around now (my birthday Friday!) Five weeks ago my 24 year old son was the victim of a serious assault (could have done with Charles Barker to sort things out!). Thankfully, he is recovering really well.
Reading your blog has really lifted my spirits and made me grin with happiness for you. It’s given me a kick up the backside and made me think about what I still have. I have amazing memories of my brother, I am so, so lucky to have my son still here with me and wonderful family and friends. So, I will also be celebrating my day of birth, because if it had never happened, I would literally be nothing! Never loved or felt the love of all the special people who have been or still are in my life!
So, well done you on throwing what sounds like an amazing gathering! Thanks for making me happy! A bit unfair to let us see that cake and not be able to taste it though!!! : ) xxx
And you know what, Geraldine? I’m thinking that on Patrick’s and my anniversary, and/or his birthday, of doing something that would help others, like visit a hospital, help at an animal shelter. I’ve been blessed with love. It would be my gift to him to pass this on, as you are doing with the ones around you! I know at my party there was a lot of love around.
Happy Birthday to you. Have a wonderful day!
What a brilliant idea!
Lisa I love the picture of you and Atticus, you look so good in the picture. The cake looks so delicious!
I am so glad you had a wonderful birthday, you truly deserve it. You are a beautiful person inside and out!
Patrick was a lucky man to have such a wonderful lady in his life and he knew that and that is why he loved you so much! I hope all your birthdays are wonderful! 🙂
Embrace the holidays and special days from now on, anything you resist persists lisa let your birthday barbeque pave the way for many more special occasions to come, xx
LOVE your post, and what a fabulous way to not only lift your spirit but to honor Patrick’s. I’m sure he was thrilled to see you surrounded by so much love. I believe that EVERYTHING in life happens for a reason….perhaps it was Patrick’s gentle hand guiding you to ‘move’ the stuff, if only to the other side of the house. A soft and gentle nudge from him to fire up the BBQ because it would take you back to a familiar time full of love. Did you feel his presence with all of you? May sound odd, but my Grandfather died just before Thanksgiving 20 years ago…we buried him the day after Thanksgiving that year…so the actual holiday we spent in shifts at the Funeral home, and ate Thanksgiving dinner off paper plates. That holiday was never the same again for our family. But so many years later now……we think of him on Thanksgiving and I ALWAYS feel as though he is right there with us at the table.
And thank you for reminding us that life is uncertain…sometimes you just gotta eat dessert first- or for breakfast! 🙂
XXL
Hi Lisa,
it makes me happy to read about your nice bbq. Hope you will have a lot more of them in the future. May your days always be sunny. Hugs.
Wow, Lisa, I can only imagine the depth of the pain your loss has made the pendelum of your life swing to. I never married or had children but my dogs were my long time best friends and I lost two last year unexpectedly. Sometimes a loss can triger strengths we never knew we had. I ended up quitting a long habit of smoking in honor of my dog that died of cancer. I saw you wanted to plant a tree for Patrick…how about we combine efforts and think a little bigger and plant an orchard for perpetuity to not only honor, but to foster hope in the forms of “unexpected gifts”? Why, you wonder, do I approach you. Think Lake Lure. I would love to privately tell you more. I have provided my FB contact in the form. Hope to hear from you. Stay strong! Shar
Hi Lisa,
It’s wonderful reading your post and see you did a big bbq four your birthday, moving things, boxes, feelings… You’re so special woman, amazing and so so strong. Patrick would be proud of you, seeing doing the menu in the bbq, in your bbq, with your friends , with the voice’s sounds around of the ranch. All full of life, you deserve it,.
I’m glad you had a great day of birthday. Now, you must do this all the years, or more partys in your home often, with these people that Patrick and you loved. You make feel good at the present and the future too, because you had made a important thing in your life. You step sure ahead with your Buddy in your heart, but not alone, smile you have got a big smile for doing that. Well done, Lisa.
What a dream the cake! , mmm, send me a piece of it , hahaha. I send to you my love, and my best wishes.
From Spain (Madrid) all the best and again HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!!.
Maite Sánchez Grano de Oro
P.S. Many Thanks Lisa for pictures. They are so nice and for sharing all with us , til the menu. Great Party.
I think copy this menu for some party …
Hi Lisa,
I am so happy to have found your website and your blog…..your writing truly leaves me smiling through tears. I downloaded ” Worth Fighting For” yesterday and plan to get the hardback for my library.
For whatever reason, you and Patrick were on my mind this week so I searched the web to see if I could find any info on how you were doing. I was delighted to find the new book and this website.
You and Patrick have always had my admiration, not because of your celebrity, but because you seem like cool people that I would love to hang out with.
Hope you have many more Bar-B-Ques and they bring good memories, good feelings and sweet tears……
BTW, I love cake for breakfast… steaming cup of coffee on the deck, listening to the morning.
God Bless you, Lisa.
Barbara (another who just had her 60th)
Thank you, Barbara!
Hello Lisa,
It’s nice to hear that you have had a nice birthday party with family and friends.
Can imagine that it was not easy for you.The cake looks very tasty.
The menu sounds also very delicious. Will also Grill my birthday and look forward.
Hope on a nice weather on 16 June.What cook you prefer?
Thank you for the beautiful pictures
Love Greetings from Amberg ( Germany)
yours
Simone
PS: Sorry for my not so good English 🙂
Lisa, I saw this video and the first thing I thought about was your previous post about how teenagers with cancer said it taught them how to live. After watching it (through tears), I was so touched and inspired, I wanted to share it with you. Hope you don’t mind. XXX
Lindsay this was great, hope you don’t mind that I watched it. It was happy & sad. To think of those young people going through that it breaks my heart. It is bittersweet. I admire them all so much and pray for their recovery.
Wow, Lindsay awesome! What a beautiful and moving video. I too watched through tears. These kids can really help to show us what it means to LIVE each day to the fullest and enjoy EVERY moment. How precious are they, when I look at them and see how little joys bring them such happiness it really makes me reflect and appreciate how blessed I am and how thankfull I am for each day and for good health. I especially loved the little kid mouthing the words: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and the “HOPE” sign . Awesome nurses too as well, participating in lifting these childrens’ spirit. As an ex nurse I can totally relate.
Love this blog, a lot of sensitive, awesome ppl visit this site, like kindred spirits. Thank you Lisa
Patricia and Nadine,
I’m so glad you enjoyed the video, and was as moved I was. I saw it on twitter, and just had to share it with Lisa and everyone on here. I’m a nurse as well, and watching these nurses really inspired me!!! I agree, there are some amazing people with hearts of gold who visit this site. Thank you again, Lisa. XXX
This video just shows me how amazing we are as a species. Had to tweet it today! Hopefully, it will lift someone else up, too!
I’m so glad it inspired you as much as it did me, Lisa. And, hopefully by tweeting it, others will see it and be just as inspired! XXX
“THERE was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight,
To me did seem
Apparell’d in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;—
Turn wheresoe’er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.
The rainbow comes and goes, 10
And lovely is the rose;
The moon doth with delight
Look round her when the heavens are bare;
Waters on a starry night
Are beautiful and fair;
The sunshine is a glorious birth;
But yet I know, where’er I go,
That there hath pass’d away a glory from the earth.
Now, while the birds thus sing a joyous song,
And while the young lambs bound
As to the tabor’s sound,
To me alone there came a thought of grief:
A timely utterance gave that thought relief,
And I again am strong:
The cataracts blow their trumpets from the steep;
No more shall grief of mine the season wrong;
I hear the echoes through the mountains throng,
The winds come to me from the fields of sleep,
And all the earth is gay;
Land and sea 30
Give themselves up to jollity,
And with the heart of May
Doth every beast keep holiday;—
Thou Child of Joy,
Shout round me, let me hear thy shouts, thou happy
Shepherd-boy!
Ye blessèd creatures, I have heard the call
Ye to each other make; I see
The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee;
My heart is at your festival, 40
My head hath its coronal,
The fulness of your bliss, I feel—I feel it all.
O evil day! if I were sullen
While Earth herself is adorning,
This sweet May-morning,
And the children are culling
On every side,
In a thousand valleys far and wide,
Fresh flowers; while the sun shines warm,
And the babe leaps up on his mother’s arm:—
I hear, I hear, with joy I hear!
—But there’s a tree, of many, one,
A single field which I have look’d upon,
Both of them speak of something that is gone:
The pansy at my feet 55
Doth the same tale repeat:
Whither is fled the visionary gleam?
Where is it now, the glory and the dream?”…………
Dear Lisa,I know what grief is….Please,live to make this girl and all of us happy for knowing ther was one Lisa and Buddy whose love is bigger than life!T
hank you for that!
You are so very kind, Natasha. Thank you.
Glad you were able to enjoy your birthday, Lisa – could there be a “cook book” in you?! Sounds like it would be in demand! I remember Patrick writing about the many inventive ways you made a little turkey stretch to make meals for a number of days when you were struggling dancers starting out in New York! Looking at the photo of your birthday cake reminded me of one year in the 1990’s when Patrick was making “City of Joy”. As I recall, the location work was completed and they were doing some finishing touches at Pinewood Studios in August. I was at the studios doing another project and for Patrick’s birthday we made a beautiful chocolate- mocha cake with a “Leo the Lion” design on it which we left for him on his birthday – we took a photo of it and left it with Roland Joffe’s people on Patrick’s birthday. A couple of days later we asked if they had enjoyed the cake and they told us Patrick never saw the cake because it was blown up by the studio security as someone had left it lying around unattended and security thought it might be a bomb as they had had security problems on the set in India! A tragedy – because the cake was really yummy and all there was left of it was that photograph ( cue the old song “Photograph”, sung by former Beatle Ringo Starr!!!…) Oh well, they do say it’s the thought that counts! LOL!!! xx
Fantastic story!
Dear Lisa,
As always enjoyed your blog and realy hope that the sparkle of the party is still around you and brightens up your days.
I was very sorry to hear about the deep valley of tears you where going for the past 3 month. The more I admire you for helping all the others with your kind, encouraging words. I realy hope that all the thoughts and good wishes reach you and help you to do the next step.
All the best and a big hug,
Kerstin
Hi Lisa
wow! your birthday blogg excellent well worth waiting for, you busy busy lady sounds as if the BBQ did you the power of good.
Loved your menue you sure know how to throw a great party, and it’s surprising how good it can make you feel to do something you shared with Patrick and find you can still do this yourself and have the strength to enjoy your birthday as I know how bad they can be especially your first without your soul partner who knows how to give you a great time, my first was bad as I just did not want my birthday to come as I knew how alone and lost I would feel without my cheerful ray of sunshine to wake me with breakfast in bed a cup cake with candle in and a glass of bucks fizz. It’s strange but birthdays took time to celebrate again.
So pleased you took this step and had a lovely birthday God bless lots of love Julie xoxx
Hi Lisa,
I just had my birthday on May 30th so we share the same month to celebrate our birthdays. Sounds like you put on a nice meal for your guests. Glad to hear that it went well.
My birthday fell on a work day so I got up and went to work early as usual. I called home around noon to talk to my family and my husband did not even say happy birthday to me. Huh! Well that put me in a mini depression since of all days, once a year he should remember.
When I got home to my surprise my family had decorated, cooked, baked and had some special gifts for me. Yes my husband did not forget… he just did that to bug me.
This weekend we are having some house guests so I had to clean up and I found some more items of my mothers. She was a fantastic knitter and made herself some really nice hand knitted tops. I always treasure items that are hand made. Well I too am not ready to just give them away. They have my mothers special touch and even thought I just moved them to make room in the closet for my guests, I know one day I will be ready to pass them along to someone who will wear them. I have given away many of her items to charities but I think these hand knitted items need to be with me for now. Some of them I remember watching her make them and when I think of that memory, I feel a warmth inside. She may be gone from this earth but those special memories will always be with me.
Anyways, I am glad you had fun celebrating your birthday.
Happy Belated Birthday Wishes Lisa!
Ann
And best wishes to you, too, Ann.
Lisa – I think that Ringo Starr song, “Photograph” reflects how you’ve been feeling and during these past 3 months that you mention in this blog – maybe have another listen to it on You Tube… I’ve shared it on my Facebook but right now not sure how to send it to you here. And yes, the Patrick’s blown up birthday cake story is one those of us who made and delivered it will never forget – ( don’t they know you’re supposed to blow out the candles, not blow up the whole cake!?!!!…) xxx
Lol!
Hah!, there’s nothin’ better as a chocolatecake for breakfast!!!! *lol*
What a wonderful day for you and your beloved one’s. Great to see!
Yes, love your dishes too, it looks so exceptionally, so colourful.
Your menu is so similar to our barbecues, yummy … 🙂
I’m happy that you are able to move some things of Patrick. One step in front of the other …
Thx for sharing your daily experiences with us.
Dear Lisa,
yesterday i finished your book “Worth Fighting For”. I see the book mainly as a celebration of life, and so full of wisdom. Patrick’s and your journey through live, love, and pain is an inspiration for everyone. Your dance performance in 1994 with Patrick —is mesmerizing, full of emotion and so perfect in tune –both of you seemingly in another world. I will treasure your book and pass it on to my children when they are ready to understand.
I also loved your movie “One last dance”. The music and dance sequences are beautiful. Being a passionate dancer myself (though not on a professional level) I could not help but identify with your comments about the dancers — so am I hanging in there trying and trying hard to hold that arabesque in perfect position at age 38:) and taking it all very serious indeed to do the best i can on all levels.
Lisa you have so many talents. Why not writing more books (about horses or a dance fiction)?
Keep on dancing Lisa and keep your beautiful smile.
With lots of love Natalie
Thank you, Natalie. I am so glad my book had meaning for you, and you felt the passion in “One Last Dance.” Thank you for writin. XL
Dear Lisa,
I have been wanting to write you for a long time. I’m not one to get into all this technology. I really enjoyed reading your books. Especially Worth Fighting For. I lost my big brother(only sibling) 2 years ago this May. I got to know that ugly monster Pancreatic Cancer. He was 71 yrs.old and didn’t let any grass grow under his feet. He fought a good fight. While reading your book I was so touched the way you described all your feelings.It lifted me in a strange way because I was not able to tell anyone about mine and you gave me comfort because you understood; you got it…..I’m happy to see how far you have come. I’m taking it one day at a time as Mike would always tell me. Is there a way I could write to you personaly? If not I will continue to follow your blog. Thinking of becoming a volunteer in August at Rocky Point Park in Maryland.
Take good care, Thank you for you!
I hope you continue to read my blog! But if you wish to write to me personally, you can mail it to:
Lisa Niemi Swayze
c/o WKTPR
9350 Wilshire Blvd, Suite 450
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
Have to say though, that receiving and reading mail is a very slow process! It may take awhile, but I read everything eventually!!
Hi Lisa,
This is the 1st blog I have participated in (if you don’t count facebook.) I read your last book – very good. It helped me with my grief. I lost my beloved husband on May 31, 2008. He was diagnosed with stage four cancer (lung +) on Valentine’s Day 2008. We had very precious little time together, to get things in order. He chose to fight it, in the beginning, but the chemo treatments failed. We were “sent home” on May 14. I enlisted help with a local hospice. Norman died at home, with me and our two sons at his bedside.
Norman was truly my soulmate. We were together since we were 18. (He was 54 when he died.) I always thought that he looked a lot like Patrick, and it crushed me to hear about his cancer. (What is it, with the good guys – suffering and dying way too young?) We were so integrated, so entwined with our lives. I really lost a huge part of me, four years ago.
I am still grieving – every day. I am still trying to rebuild my life, without him. Sometimes I feel like I’m insane, and I am getting good at “masking” my true feelings. I still go through waves of depression. It’s hard to believe that I am still here – that I haven’t died of my broken heart!
Thank you for starting this blog, and for keeping up with it. It helps to know I am probably not insane, (or, there are a lot of us!) The truth is: everyone grieves at their own pace. I believe I will be grieving for the rest of my life. (I have stopped crying in front of others, for the most part. But, there’s still plenty of crying by myself!) Don’t listen to people who tell you, it’s time to “move on” with your life. It’s a long and individual process.
I know what you mean when you say it’s hard to believe that you haven’t died of a broken heart already. I’m amazed that so many people go through this and survive. It makes me believe I can, and probably will, too. Is that a happy thought? Well, like my husband and I always believed – if you’re walking, and still breathing, there’s hope.
Hi Lisa,
I finished “Worth Fighting For” last night. I thought it was such a good book…..the realism touched me to the core. You are an excellent communicator and tell your story with grit….and grace. I hope that you will continue writing….I’m sure there are many more stories……
Speaking of stories, I will share one with you. My daughter, who turns 34 next week was a huge “Patrick” fan. His poster was the only one that hung in her bedroom. When she started high school, she knew that she wanted to be a veterinarian. One summer she got a job in a clinic near our home that specialized in horses, for the experience. While she was there, she heard about a special client that brought horses there for treatment . She never knew who it was and didn’t think too much about it, just knew that it was somewhat secretive. Years later, she ran into a guy that had worked with her that summer. As they reminisced, the special client was mentioned. Her friend said “didn’t you know that the special client was Patrick Swayze”? My daughter told him that she would never forgive him for not telling her back then…..as she could possibly have touched one of Patrick’s horses. I have no idea if this was true….if you and Patrick ever brought horses down south to a clinic or not….but it has been a great dinner table story for my daughter. She is now a veterinarian, married to a veterinarian and they have recently opened their second clinic….she still loves telling this story!
Where was the clinic? It could very well be!
Clinic was in Mississippi, right outside of Jackson.
Hmm. thinking. trying to remember. I know we were at LSU at one point. I know some ladies that have a farm in Jackson..also, another friend where we had some horses. Hmm…
Hi Lisa,
The clinic was in a small community outside of Jackson called Gluckstadt and the primary vet there was Donnie Vice. My daughter would have been working there around 1994, I think. As I said, this could have been just rumor and starstruck teenagers romanticizing……
Hope this week goes well for you. Thought of you when I saw the news of the fires in New Mexico…surely hope that your ranch is not in danger.
I am touched that you respond to so many of us personally on this blog as I know your life is busy. Take care, Lisa……and if you guys never had a horse in that clinic….I don’t think I will tell my daughter…
Barb
Hah! I agree.
I’ve also been in a funk this month. I had a birthday on the 5th of July. Had a quiet time at home with my son anmd his family. I was in my own little world, but it was nice to have someone to share it with. I think I would have stayed to myself had it not been for reading this. But to share and have someone to share with is nice. Friends and family have meant a lot.
But not only am I a year older, but I found out my brother’s prostate cancer has returned and he has to gfo through radiation. His first surgery was suppose to get it all. Then they found the spots they missed (?) and have to take care of them. He has been my rock always, and I know if I get down he’s got the words of wisdom for me. His words of wisdom for me about this is don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small. No need to worry because our lives were all laid out before we were born and what will be will be. Thats so true and it’s time wasted to worry, making the best of what we have to go through trusting and believing that life is the way it’s suppose to has helped some. Then, you have the events of the day? Taking lives over a stupid movie!!!! God comfort those people and help them find peace. Just doesn’t make sense sometimes. Sorry to burden you , but thank you for listening.
I forgot to tell you the exciting point of my B-day. I realized one more year and I’ll be eligible to participate at the Senior Center in our town. LOL