My dogs, Kuma & Lucas, by the lake in New Mexico. Just because I love this photo!
A friend of mine posted this wonderful little story. And while I’m not so sentimental about these things (don’t send me any pass-this-on-to-ten-women-you-love stuff, or you will go down), I thought this was lovely and wanted to share it with you –
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Nice, huh? So true.
Of course, after my friend posts this heartfelt Cherokee tale, a friend of hers replies (let’s call him Floyd):
“What if you have two Badgers tussling inside you. One is fat, lazy & flatulent, the other would hump a pile of rocks in case there was a snake in there? Who wins then? Uhhh… a friend was asking.”
There’s one in every crowd.
Back at the ranch... Kuma pauses in his own reflection.
Dear Lisa,
Wonderful post! And thank you for sharing the photo’s! Kuma and Lucas are beautiful dogs!
I hate the ‘pass-this-on-to-ten-women-you-love stuf’f’! I never pass it on and nothing happened to me 🙂
I love your posts on Twitter…I don’t have Twitter. ( Yes there are still Twitterless people on this planet :p ) but thank you for also sharing them on Facebook!!
Love from the Netherlands,
Ineke
Hi Lisa,
Whenever I see you’ve posted a new blog entry, I’ve got to rush right over and read! I always know it’s going to be good!!! 🙂 I was right… Loved reading this! The lake is beautiful! It looks so peacefull and inviting!!!
Wow! The story about the wolves – how true is that?? Feed that negative energy and a person could look at a rainbow and think it’s ugly!!! I certainly have my ups and downs but I try all the time to starve that evil wolf!! Sometimes it’s easier said than done! 🙂
Hoping you’re having a great week!!!!
Keep smilin’!!!
Kathy
Love the wolf story and it is so true. I love that you can go to this lovely spot with your dogs. This one of Kuma just standing there is lovely. I hope that you are ok and having a little bit of peace after your hectic booking signing. XXXX
Hello Lisa,
Thank you so much for your beautiful story and great pictures form your dogs.
the story is so true. since we twins are as asterisks we have two faces.
Sorry for my not so good English. 🙂
Love and Light
Simone
very nice photo !!!!!! What a beautiful place
return to peace ♥
Hi, Lisa
Thanks for the beautiful pictures of your dogs. My favorite is of Kuma checking himself out in the reflection of the water. He’s turned into quite a handsome dude.
Joan
He is sooo handsome. And affectionate and fun!
Great story about the wolves, Lisa! And, SO true! I know exactly how you feel about those “pass-this-on-to-ten-women-you-love stuff”…I never pass them on! Also, beautiful pictures! Kuma is gorgeous! 🙂
Hey LL – I believe we follow each other on twitter… I agree – I never pass along the e-mails that tell me if I don’t something horrible will happen… We’ve all had our horrible and I highly doubt not sending an e-mail is going to change our lives in some significant manner. Take Care – MK.
Hey MaryKaye! Yes we do! So glad to see you so strong in the fight against PC! I lost my grandmother to this horrible disease in 2003. She lived 71 days from the time she was diagnosed. The sad thing is, she had just had a knee replacement…and was doing so well! I was her only granddaughter, and spent every weekend with her! You can say I was spoiled! I think about her everyday, and somedays it hits me like a ton of bricks how much I miss her. For instance, this past May, I graduated nursing school (I’m hoping to eventually work as an oncology nurse). At my graduation, someone said to me “You know if Granny was here, she would be sitting in the front row with her camera, and she would be so proud of you!” Tears just came pouring down. As a 22 yr old new graduate nurse and PanCan advocate, I am doing all I can to help fight this devastating disease! And…I know my Granny would be proud!
Hey LL – You are just a little puppy…. I, on the other hand, am approaching that magic # of the big “50”… How devistated I was when I finally, finally found my perfect mate – I mean – we fit together like two absolute puzzle pieces and then, wham, PC… I have my ups & downs, but I want to make Ed proud of me and I’ll fight this disease like a rabbid dog.
I love this site and I feel so less alone when I read everyone’s stories and comments.
And, yes, your Granny IS proud, no doubt.
Take care you little baby…. By the way, I’m super sarcastic, so understand that when I call you a “little baby”, I’m teasing you in the best possible way. I always warn people – if I’m too nice to you, probably means I don’t like you – if I tease you – I probably love you.
Maybe some day we will meet at a PC event… in the meantime, continue your hard work and thank you for your efforts – all of us in this gd PC survivor community appreciate it!
MK
I’m sure your Ed would be so proud of you, MK! And, I agree…I absolutely LOVE this site! I feel like we are all one big family on here. Maybe we will meet at a PC event! 🙂
Take care!
LL
very nice story i have herd something like this post before and i agree when you say about passing on too 10 other people and something good happens. i get emails like that all the time an nothing happens. 🙂
Love the photo of your lovely dogs plus Kuma in the water he’s such a beautiful dog, it looks a lovely place to unwind and relax with your dogs.I have a rescue staffordshire bull terrier called Gilda she’s now 5yrs old some awful people had her and at the age of 6months was used as an ashtray they used to put out cigs on her forhead, but you would never know this as her coat is beautiful and she is just so loving you would never believe she had such an awful start to life. As you can guess she is most spoilt and loved pet in the world same colour as Kuma but has lovely white patches around her face, she’s a sweet heart.
takecare love your blogs love Julie xx
It breaks my heart that anyone would be so cruel to a helpless animal. But it sounds like Gilda has a good life now!
If you would like to see a pic or 2 of Gilda just go to my twitter( @julieclements2 ) there are a few nice picsof her. love julie xx
Thank you so much for being who you are. You are so real and down to earth. I look forward to reding your post and seeing whats going on with you. I send all good things in thought your way. Love your dogs and the pond looks like a peacful place to medatate. Bless you.
Dear Lisa,
Kuma and Lucas are so beautiful and cute!I love dogs and i have one, too…Thank you for sharing these photos and for telling the story. I like it.
And i think that the ranch and all of your animals are the biggest blessing for your life.
Take care,
I agree with Corinne. And animals are an integral part of our lives. They accept us as we are, and know how to make us a hundredfold love given to them. They know how comfort us when something is wrong. Thank you for sharing the photos of those that delight your life.
Hi Lisa, First of all I offer my sincere, heartfelt condolences (even though I hate that word!) I’ve just read an article in which you talk about how much you still miss your Buddy, and I felt like I was reading everything that’s written in my own heart but that I am unable to articulate. Because I can’t explain it, I don’t talk about it. It’s almost three years since I lost my beautiful husband to a heart attack – no prior warning, no chance to go to hospital, and no way for me to save him. He died 3 weeks after my 44th birthday, and here I am coming up to 47 yrs old and I still can’t figure out what to do without him. I don’t expect others to understand what I don’t understand myself – but reading your words really hit home. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting around a blubbering mess… I work hard in a responsible and demanding job, I have an amazing family and function on the outside like nothing ever happened – but inside, I feel lost with no direction, and I miss the very essence of my husband, my friend. Well, as you can see your words have triggered some emotions I’m not sure what to do with. Having said that, I wish you peace, love and sunshine in your life always.
Sorry for your loss, Carole. And your words mirror me exactly. I’ve been trying to be patient and see what life brings me. It’s my “just put one foot in front of the other” M.O. And maybe I’ll find my “passion” again at some point.
What your words (and my feelings) about being “lost with no direction” brings to mind, is the picture of a rowboat – one that used to have two oars to row with, and now only has one. And although the one oar works frantically and industriously, it only manages to move the boat in meaningless circles. Argh!
I think all of us who have lost a close loved one suffers from some form of post traumatic stress disorder. Maybe you more so since you’re loss was so sudden. Although it seems that nothing can prepare you for a great loss like this.
***Anybody want to COMMENT on this? I would love to hear your experiences and thoughts. Does this feeling of “no direction” and meaninglessness ever get better? And when? Or, is this the new “normal?” Enquiring minds want to know.
I am identifying with both Lisa and Carole right now — understanding the feeling of “no direction” and “meaninglessness” while still putting on a good face, working hard, being extremely productive in a high-demand job, etc. My mother passed away after a short, 3-month battle with pancreatic cancer in January 2009. I had just turned 30. This past May, my father unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack (while on vacation…).
I just turned 33 and am parent-less. My brother and I are struggling to take care of all of the must-dos which, I might add, are an excellent distraction from feeling — *truly* feeling, which is something we both need more than anything.
Lisa, I just started reading your book, Worth Fighting For, last night, and you articulated so well what it is I’ve personally been feeling in the very first paragraph. ” The moment I reached for my notebook to start working on this book, I was flooded with an emotion that I’ve tried to keep at bay for some time now. It’s a wave of feeling composed of endless tears, reminding me that I haven’t remotely cried enough.”
“No direction” doesn’t begin to describe it, but I keep moving forward knowing that 1) it’s what my parents would want for me, and 2) in hopes that I’ll find meaning in all of this in time.
Thinking of you both and sending much comfort in your direction…
Dearest Lisa, I know what you faced with Patrick, I went through the same thing with my husband, Ed, in 2004 to 2006. I read your interview in LHJ and said yes I did that and that and yeah you go through such a dark time. I had no one to talk to except his dog and she listened really well. You think one day “Oh boy, we got it” and then there it is again. My Ed was a fighter and I became his voice when he just couldn’t. His 5th anniversary just passed. The 23rd of December and it was really hard for me. I couldn’t put up a tree cause it didn’t feel right. But lie you said about Patrick, my husband became my hero during his illness. He was so worried about me and our sons. He had everything ready for me and went over it atleast 100 times. But what remember most is the “I Love You’s” and holding hands and watching Westerns on TV and making up our own show. People would have thought we were crazy. 2 in the morning and he can’t sleep, that’s when we would do are best talking. I have tried to start a program to help families that are going through the same thing. A support group but nothing happen. Everything you said just brought memories back to me. Thank you for keeping the fight going to find a cure for this monster.
Shiela – I too lost my Edward at 48 yrs. young to PC… I feel your words as I do Lisa’s everytime she posts. I can relate to the late night talks, the quiet moments and bizzare and cray conversations you have when dealing with a terminal disease. My heart is with every single person who posts here.
With Love – MK
Thank you,Mary. Your words have helped me alot. I know I am not alone in the pain that this cancer has caused. I keep you close to my heart and in my thoughts. Keep in touch!
Thanks for sharing your story & pictures. The dogs are the best, I have a multi-poo that I just don’t know how I would get through a day without her. They love us no matter what. Isn’t that great to know? Keep posting. Our thought & prayers are with you always.
Lisa,
It was 11 years ago this February 24, 2001, that our oldest son, Charlie Backus, was killed in a car accident on his way home from a Red Wings hockey game…… Our son was only 30 years old and was survived by his wife, Terri, and their two sons Nicholas just 4 years old and Zachary just 3 months old……. The feeling of “no direction” and “meaninglessness” still is a part of our life (we are the parents, Gary and Karen, with the only surviving sibling being Andy, Charlie’s only brother and sibling)…. We had no warning, just a phone call from our Charlie’s wife, Terri, that he was in a car accident and was DOA…. There is MUCH that can be said about this horrific experience with regard to ones’ emotions. However, the only relief that I felt as Charlie’s Mom was when I almost screamed at the wonderful Hospice counselor, “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT MY SON!!!!!!” This dear man took both of my hands in his and said to me that I WILL BE OKAY!!!! I believed him and today, even though I may not be what some consider to be “normal,” I feel deep in my heart that our Charlie IS with us and that we are the stronger for it!!
You see, Lisa, my brother Bill died from throat cancer after our Charlie was killed. Bill, while in the hospital, said that he “saw this white light and thought that he was going to die.” However, my brother said that all of a sudden there was this “blinding silver/white light and there was our Charlie, smiling and so very happy, with his arms held out wide and saying, “Hello, Uncle Bill.”
Thereafter, my brother heard the voices of his daughters and his wife and Charlie was instantly gone. My brother felt that God sent Charlie to welcome him to Heaven and, therefore, Gary, Andy and I along with Terri and Charlie’s sons, would KNOW without a doubt that our son IS happy!!!!!
Does that help our grief process????? Somewhat…….. However, we all miss Charlie with every breath that we take. We try to do what people tell us – honor his life, do not concentrate on his death……….. i always find it very strange that this advice is given (with good intentions) by those who have not had a child killed unexpectedly!!!
This February 24, 2012, it will be 11 years since our son was killed. This loss has affected every single part of our lives as a family, has distanced the ability to see Charlie’s two sons, has as a result, made our grief even more long lasting………… At any rate, as the saying goes, “It is what it is,” and we cannot change it.
We try to get through each day, we honor our other son Andy and his family, and we just scream to God to PLEASE HELP US!!!!! Our best wishes and prayers to you, Gary and Karen Backus, Petoskey MI
I have been told that my grief will grow less and less with time. But I can tell you it hasn’t for me. I miss my Ed more and more each day. I have seen him, felt him and smell his after shave alot and I know he is with me. I really need him now more than ever. My father is dying! He has Parkerson’s and is in heart failure. In the last few months he has had 4 strokes and 3 to 4 heart attacks. He is now in Hospice care and the doctors have told us it’s just a matter of time. He is 87 and him and my mom have been together 67 years. You need to do everything you can to see your grandsons. Don’t miss out of their lives, you are all they have of their Dad. Karen, I will say a pray to my Ancestors( I am part American Indian) and ask that they surround you with their love. Peace be to you and your family!
I am so glad that I have found this site. Everyone who has post here has touched me in many ways. I know that I am not alone in my grief for a loved one. There are times I thought I was the only one to feel the way I do. I see that we all share the passing of people we love and it helps to read everyone’s post and share with each other what we have gone through and maybe we can help someone out there facing the same thing that we have lived through. The most important thing to remember is that “We have lived through it all!” Some have grown strong and some are still facing the grief. NO ONE CAN TELL YOU HOW OR HOW LONG TO GRIEVE! That is a path you have to walk and you have to do it in your time. Peace and blessing to you all!
Lisa, and all the others feeling the loss of loved ones:
It has been over ten years since the sudden loss of my son. The feelings that all have described seem to be shared by most with slight variations. I still feel the loss something terrible at times. Though on a day to day basis it has gotten easier. I was only able to keep going to begin with by telling myself constantly that he was in a better place, and was no longer having to deal with this worlds pain. Everyone heals at their own pace and way.
I was talking to a neighbor of my ex-mother-in-law (I took care of her and my ex sister-in-law through their finally days just recently.) and she expressed how she had such feelings of anger and fear and resentment. Somehow she had come to think that she should have some control over the outcome of life/death. Only when she came to understand that we have no control was she able to get some peace.
Love, peace, and healing to all!
<3!
Today my father passed away. He was 87 years old and has suffered to long. I have a poem here that meant so much to me when my husband died and now it has more meaning than ever.
The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that God Was going to call your name.
In life we loved you Dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
for part of us went with you the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide;
and though we cannot see you; you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same;
But as God calls us one by one, the Chain will link again!
I hope this will help someone else like it has helped me. Blessing and Peace to all!